h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I always thought it was "It's just a spring clean for the May Queen". That makes much more sense, doesn't it?

Oh MUCH more sense! I know my hedgerows never stop bustling, that May Queen is so particular about clean hedges....

Crap but brilliant how about the immortal Half Man Half Biscuit line...
"You gave me bread when I was out of...bread."

I've not heard that one! Half Man Half Biscuit *is* great for that kind of thing though!

I'll have to have a think now...

Nothing to my mind is worse than the Eurhythmics immortal:

"I walk into an empty room
Suddenly my heart goes boom"

Although Desree's

"I don't want to see a ghost
It's the thing that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news"

...runs it very close indeed, as does the All Saints'

"The alphabet runs all the way from A-Z"

B

And in terms of sheer silliness, you cannot beat the entire lyrics to 'John Kettley Is A Weatherman' by Tribe of Toffs:

http://www.monocle.org/toffs/lyrics.htm#John Kettley (Is A Weatherman)

B

(thanks to whoever it was that cleared up my Live and Let Die peeve... must wash out my ears!)

Ah, but surely the John Kettley song is intended to be silly? The others aren't, which is what makes them so bad.

And thanks to whoever reminded me of the Captain Sensible "Wot" song. I also have it in German, by Falco I believe.

Well, if we're talking Half Man Half Biscuit...

"Oh darling, sugar, honey,
When it was nice and sunny,
And when I had some money,
We would go and see Echo And The Bunny



......men."

I think some of the lyrics (including rhyming) by Helmut Lotti can be awful

"It will never end
Unless we take a... stand"


"Tiny hands, tiny feet and a tummy that's breathing"
- Excuse me, isn't it the lungs we're breathing with? Or is something horrible wrong with the child he's singing about?


"I was looking at my daughter
On her new bike that I bought-her"


"My tears are touched by the moon
They need your hands to wipe them soon"


And other kinds of songs, there are some traditional songs which really shows signs of a terrible imagination
"John Brown's body lies amould'ring in the grave
John Brown's body lies amould'ring in the grave
John Brown's body lies amould'ring in the grave
But his soul is marching on!"

It takes a special kind of mind to come up with HMHB's rhyme schemes, one like Tom Lehrer's for example

"When you attend a funeral
It is sad to think that sooner orl...
...ater those you love will do the same for you."

B

To take opposite ends of the scale of bad taste ...

Kill yer baby, Kill yer baby, Kill yer baby, Kill it dead ... from one punk band, whose name escapes me.

I'm filled up with agression, want to smash my television ... Dead Cities by the Exploited.

But the most obscene of all ...


aaaaaaaaaa gaaaaaa do do do, push pineapple, shake a tree ...


Sorry!

"Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to make it
And I'll never find the recipe again"

I'm guessing the recipe was mostly cannabis?

No-one seems to have paid any attention to my reference to Gamma Ray, so here are some specific examples. I warn you now, I can keep posting this until you beg for mercy!

We are brothers in rock, we won't let go
We got our music and we got our soul
And with sisters in rock we can change the world
If we try
-Brothers in Rock (and that's actually one of their old, good songs)

From out of space we came on to the Earth
From far away on solar beams
A dying race to find survival here
For our kind to plant our seeds
Our analysis of the atmosphere
Was good and so we touched the ground
A rising simple structured life form there
Seemed to be perfect what we'd found
We think in anger of our fallin dream
Our home is now a fading light
The cracks appeared and they where pointing at the end
And so we came to save our lives
-Men, Martians and Machines ( there's a whole album of this drivel)

Being German is no excuse!

Gif

They just played one of the most horrible songs ever on the radio. Anyone remember this?

"I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing
If you leave me..."

*Cringe* Only remembering the lyrics makes me quiver in shame

Hehe.. That song is by a Swedish artist...


There are some lyrics where you can't really decide if they're brilliant in their genius or if they're just stupid. One passage from a Crash Test Dummies song goes something like this:

"Tarzan wasn't a ladies' man
He'd just come along and scoop 'em up under his arm
Like that, quick as a cat in the jungle
But Clark Kent, now there was a real gent
He would not be caught sittin' around in no
Junglescape, dumb as an ape doing nothing"

Now, is that Genius or just plain silliness?

Are you sure Gamma Ray aren't Spinal Tap in disguise?

Actually, I think that they are quite good. Tell me more .

Does anyone remember "Live Is Life" by Opus?

"Life, (La la, la la la)
Live is life. (La la, la la la)
La-da-da-da-da life (La la, la la la)..."

Repeat until dead.

Dr Pop Trivia writes: the Crash Test Dummies are the only act to have had a hit single with no vowels in the chorus.

All together now: "Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm..."

actually that was just the chorus...there was a verse that went something like:

"And we all live together,
and we all live the same.."

or something.