h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

your completely right- and probably for the first time in your life.
Tapeworms are peaceful quiet creatures who never disturb threads and politics and never do anything remotely objective...

Puh-leeze. I dont mind insulting a tapeworm. It cant hear. too bad you can.

Actually, Leo, all the tapeworms inside you are pointing and laughing at *you*.

RF,evilgrin>

I'm sure you live somewhere in the heart of Somalia where modern medicine has not yet penetrated, (OK, that's not insulting, lets think a little harder,)
And clearly are not educated enough to have been taught, or intelligent enough to be able to surmise that WORMS DONT HAVE FINGERS!

Oh Leo, you think worms need fingers in order to point?

You are a month-old pile of parrot droppings, with undigested seeds sprouting out.

RF

>>You are a month-old pile of parrot droppings, with undigested seeds sprouting out<<

Lentilla! Lunch!

BAD COOK ALERT!!!

Trin, don't expect me to clean up your disgusting parrot droppings. Besides, don't you have to wash your hair in again? Seems like the perfect opportunity.

LeoAlpha, Jumbo the Mountain Gorilla is several steps up on the evolutionary ladder from you. You're still frolicking in the murk with the rest of the primordial ooze. Come talk to me again when you've figured out the whole opposable thumb thing.

If I were compiling a list of reasons not to accept a dinner invitation from you Leo, believe me, the quality of your cooking would not even be in the top ten. Not wanting to look at your nose-organism would probably be about number seven. The smell would be at number four. The others are just too disgusting to talk about.

I have to wash my hair? Why - what have you done? I don't want to look ... what has Lentilla done in my hair?

Why am I asking you lot? You probably think that's perfectly normal.

That's what you get for inserting your head in my toilet. If you want fresh water, try the faucet. You know, the chrome widget with the handle. The one over the sink. You know, the porcelain thing that you wash dishes in... Dishes? The things you eat off of? Ah, never mind.

Trin, I'd offer you a mirror if I thought it would survive your gaze for more than a microsecond. But even you don't deserve that amount of bad luck.

RF

Lentilla - Look, we've been through this before. It is not 'your toilet'. I know it's close at hand, I know it's one of the few things around here big enough to take the sheer weight of your effluence, I even quite admire the fact you make the effort, rather than just soiling the floor ... but it is an armchair. It just is. Please don't do that again.

RF - Human faces are supposed to look like this. I know the divergence between mine and your own ... well, I suppose the word 'face' is going to *have* to do, is wide enough to cause you problems, but, basically, if it drips and slides around like that, it's not really a face ... not as such.

look whose talking.
you look in the mirror and call it my face. ha;

Trin, I know what a human face looks like. You might want to pass these guidelines on to your surgeon before your next visit:

*2* eyes
*1* nose
*1* mouth
Eyebrows *above* the eyes.
*Symmetry*

Good luck!

RF

Despite what you may think, if it's porcelain, has a hole in the middle, and sits in your bathroom, it's probably a toilet. I know, it's so much easier to go in the yard - but don't the neighbors mind?

RF's face is a pleasant antidote from the sight of LeoAlpha's rotting flesh. Dude... you're leaving a puddle of goo on the carpet.

rotting flesh, huh? Well at least I havent got a toadstool growing out of my eye socket like some other people.
That could explain the blindness rampant around here.

Hey, i'm like the phoenix. You gotta dissolve before you can become greater. Its the next step in evolution, and you guys are just left behind...

Enjoy it with the tapeworms and tapirs.

Ah. The surgeon. Cover-stories that only a five-year-old would swallow notwithstanding, we've all discussed this and it is for your own good Freddy. And he is the best. Well, he'd have to be. You're booked in for Friday morning. Now would you like someone to walk you there? No, that won't work. All right, carry you there? *Shudder* Doesn't bear thinking about. Well, we can find a wheelbarrow perhaps. Or, failing that, a large carrier bag.

c'mon! keep the insults coming! i have an essay I'm trying to write!

not that you lower life forms know what 'write' means. Haven't got any more arms then that tapeworm we've been discussing. It was a nice try, sticking tree branches in the sockets, but really not very convicing.

Oh, no wonder its so quiet. I see. Its the maggot that got your tongue... gross.

unless... *sigh* its just past your bedtime out in Merrie England. Yes, we understand. Does Mommy still give you a glass of warm milk, tuck you in, and read you a bed-time story?

So, you're writing your essay about insults? I'll bet your essay sucks