h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Righty, you clairvoyant lot, what do you think is going to happen next year? What's going to be the big news in January, February, etc?
Anyone predicting the end of the world?

American forces will track down and capture Osama Bin Laden. But events set in train by him will cause the greatest attack yet on the United States: an internet virus will simultaneously attack all computer-controlled equipment in the States, causing planes to fall out of the sky, traffic lights to go green in every direction, telephone systems to self-destruct.

America will continue its war against terrorism with a take-over of Colombia - training ground of many terrorists. This will have a disastrous effect on the world's cocaine industry.

2002 will be a record year for warm summers: Malaria -bearing mosquitoes will invade Europe.

Millions of people will die of Aids in Africa, but nobody will notice.

Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother will finally die at the ripe old age of 102. Her daughter will continue to soldier on as Queen.

A new chamber will be discovered by archaeologists inside the Great Pyramid of Giza, containing conclusive evidence that it was built by Aliens.

I get a new job (less a prediction, more a requirement)

A Hollywood blockbuster will smash the record for the most expensive film ever made, be roundly thrashed by critics and then be the biggest box office success ever. It will be nominated for almost every academy award, but receive only one or two.

Someone will pick up a dinner plate which has a fork balanced on the edge, but not quite balanced, and even though they know there is a chance that the fork will fall off the plate, they will pick it up anyway because they will have a drink in their other hand, but when they do pick up the plate, the fork will slide off it and fall onto the floor, probably taking a small amount of food with it, and this person will get really annoyed for having been so stupid.

Both the Queen Mum and the Pope will die. The US will focus it's war on terrorism on Iraq. Gibralter will be 'effectively' be handed back to Spain. President Mugbabwe will be assassinated. The introduction of the Euro in Europe will cause widespread chaos as people get to grips with it.

At home, petrol prices and interest rates will start to rise again whilst house prices and unemployment will continue to rise. Hugh Grant will 'come out', Kylie will get married, and Chelsea will win the Worthington Cup!!

Here we go:

America will kill lots of terrorists

America will continue to be the most powerful state in the world, causing much whining from liberals that will be ignored

America will persue it's War Against Terrorism (TM) by bravely bombing villages from 40,000 feet, whilst calling the terrorists "cowards" for charging their heavily-armed infantry armed with only a Kalashnikov and some hardline religious beliefs.

America will kill bin Laden and think that that will solve all the S**T that is stirred in the Middle East.

China and the United States will have a small war of words

Israel will kill lots of arabs. Palestinian suicide-bombers will kill lots of Israelis.

Tony Blair will be a slimy little creep

Iain Duncan Smith will continue to be (rightly) ignored as Leader of Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition

The British People (TM) will continue to be told that the Euro is "the most important question facing the UK" as British troops get shot at across the islamic world.

Colonel Sellers will briefly log on to h2g2 to see what people have written about him

People will die in the third world and people in the first world will ignore it or pretend they care and then blame it on someone else

There you go

Zagreb the cynical f**k

A high ranking member of parliament will be thrown into public scrutiny either for an action or inaction of extreme against reasonable moral conduct, and a contravention of the party line; public faith in the party will be shattered. The member will deny this for 2 weeks to 4 months, their leader will stand behind them "100%", despite persistent attacks from the media and opposite figures demanding their resignation. Under the weight of the loss of face and poor showing in the polls, the member will eventually be asked by the leader to resign. They will do so with minimal fuss and, with the support of friends in the party, bow out with reasonable dignity, holding their honourable friends as always in the highest esteem.

It will do little to improve the party's performance in the polls though, and won't be helped by subsequent TV interviews and a book deal intended to show *their* version of events, which sells well for a few months then disappears into the bargain bin along with Harry Potter and the Orbs of Growth.

Party confidence will however be dramatically rejuvenated by the exact same thing happening to the opposing party a while later.

Finger on the pulse, yeah!

Oh no, I made a prediction about a celeb and it's been moderated!! - it must be true!!!!

The whole 'retro-fashion' thing will hit the technology industry. Mobile phones will start to get bigger. Your PC won't be considered 'cool' unless it has valves. Radio will come back in a big way, and the newest, ultra-hip-est fashion magazines will be published using a 19th Century printing press. Teenagers will dismiss anything 'sleek' and 'modern' with the words 'That *so* this century'...

I dunno about the 'predictable' stuff, but 2001 is gonna be hard to beat for total shocks and complete surprises.

~jwf~

Gonzo,

I'm there already. I'm going to head into town to get myself a waistcoat and topper. I will also insist on travelling on a steam-powered contraption called something like "Mr Turneby-Stotters Marvelous Mechanical Gentleman Carrier" and laugh at the unfashionable people in their "buses".

I think that the US will attack Iraq, the public will support the war at first until they realise it will be harder to win than the one in Afganistan, that will make the world leaders stop the war.

I think that civil rights will continue to dissappear. Steps will split up and do solo work, no one will care.

The bible code predicts world war III in 2002 or 2006. But I don't believe it will happen.

I think that the US will attack Iraq, the public will support the war at first until they realise it will be harder to win than the one in Afganistan, that will make the world leaders stop the war.

I think that civil rights will continue to dissappear. Steps will split up and do solo work, no one will care.

The bible code predicts world war III in 2002 or 2006. But I don't believe it will happen.

as for the weather it will be cold to start with gradually getting milder from the south with a warmer outlook during the summer months and the a cold frount will coming around autum leading to a cold winter, with the possibility of showers accross the country. And here's the summery.

*smiles and points

My predictions for 2002:

Pakistan will experience a civil war (although it will not be very civil, wars never are) between the Taliban already in Pakistan and Al-quada forces against the present Government.

India, tried of Pakistani militants attacking them and feeling the Pakistan is not doing enough to stop them, will attack Pakistan to stop the militants themselves. This will result in a nuclear exchange. Pakistan will be destroyed and will be divided between India and Afghanistan.

Afghanistan will be rebuilt and become the best place to live in the middle-east.


Mostly Harmless

2002 will be highly unpleasant for a lot of people, but a lot of other people will continue onwards and ignore it, pretending that if they don't think about it they won't be affected by it.

This of course is a complete load of b******t.

December 25th 2002 In the Queen Elizabeth's Christmas Address to the nation she will announce her abdication and Charles will asume the throne not as Charles III as that is unlucky, but as King Arthur one of his onther names. Camilla Parker Bowles becomes pregant, heaven knows how at her age, and he abdicates soon after.

Manchester United are managerless until Christmas as no-one wants the job. On Boxing day they announce that Lord Alex Ferguson (who recieved his peerage in the Queens Abdication Honours List) will replace Sir Alex Ferguson on a week to week basis.

Osama Bin Laden is finally discover on Wai Kiki Beach, where he has been enjoying himself since September 10th 2001, and watching Arsenal play on Sky Sports.

Douglas Adam's 6th HitchHikers book top the Times bestseller list for the last 7 months of the year and the fans cry out that there are still some loose threads that need tying up. (some things never change)

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Shouldn't that read: "as not enough British troops get shot at across the islamic world."

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Should read:

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