h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

ask it to persuade Rat to update the list of things that you can do with it

Wrap it in tinfoil and use it to deflect the radio signals sent by voles. If we don't stop them soon, they will interfere with police wavebands.

Tempt the chinchillas out of your sock drawer.

I know, I know...I'll get round to it....gonna upgrade that whole page to GuideML....add the newbies then (and the researcher credits that I haven't got round to yet )

Cry with it.
Die with it.
make music with it.
Throw it at the evil dasterdly grey Squirrels which are planing to take over teh world and turn all humans into their slaves and subject us to endless torture.
Use it to confusse/attack the sheep.
Pretend its a sheep/squirrel and practise sword strokes on it.
Use it as a head for a guy (as in guy fawlkes).
Spell it incorrectly. pretend its the remote control and sit on teh sofa trying to change channels, before eventually getting up and turning the channel over manually (if you can find any buttons on a new TV that is).
Use it as a hair band.
paint it red, wear it on your nose and pretend you are a clown.
Use it as a novility belt buckle.
Attach it to your computer, just for the fun of it..

*mutters something about getting round to it eventually*

I don't think there is a hurrey is there?

lay on the lettuce bed to get some sleep.
Use the lettuce as inspiration and become a WWF wrestler with the name "the killer lettuce"?

*mumbles something about doing lists in Guide-ML being a pain in the arse and how he'll get round to it at some point*

Its not that much of a hastle... the lists in Guide ML: thats like the at teh start, at end, and at the beginging of each point in the list with at the end, or something?

yeah - now try doing that 500 times over

Good point:
What I'd do is cut the 500+ items in teh list into a word document, I guess each line is seperated by a hard return, Search and replace, search for the hard return, and set it to replace it with something like ++ == --, then search for the first odd characters and set replace with teh then search for the middle set of weird characters, and set replace with hard return (yeah, not necessary, but makes layout a bit simplerw when editing it), and then search and replace the last set of weird characters with and i think taht would probably work maybe... *thinks harder...
Just so long as what you are searching for doesn't appear anywhere in teh text of the points in teh list, otherwise it might mess up

the problem with that plan - good though it is - is I dont have a word processor of any description and Tal has just convinced me to fill up the remaining space on my hard drive with an A-V program instead so I dont even have space to download one

Market the lettuce as an environmentally friendly, portable, dynamically coloured, spherical, temperature sensitive, easy to slice, convenient, versatile, loyal, trustworthy, economical, biodegradable, nuclear free, uncontaminated, non-threatening, self-contained, lightweight, hand-grown, sympathetic, soothing, fun for all the family, new and interesting brand of toilet paper.

we've already got use it as toilet paper - but I like that one better

Well, play your cards right, and you could make millions!

lettuce all be millionaires

My sentiments Exactly.. we'll have stacks of the green folding stuff.

Rat, if you like i can copy and paste it into my word processor and do the search and replace thing?

Lettuce pray!
I just like that one.... not that any of the others are bad.. guess I should add another...

Join it.
drill holes in them and make a necklace by stringing them together with, go figure, string beans? Wind it round your finger.
Ban it.
Cut and paste the lettuce.

thats very kind of you 2legs - but I've done most of it already now

OK then and I'm probably too busy RL to be trying to create other things for me to do... this MSc seems an awful lot of effort... Pity i didn't finish on time ahh ha!! attack of the killer lettuce!

Sub let the lettuce .
Let the lettuce.
Rent it out to descerning readers of lettuce weekly.
deliminate it.
circumnavigate it.
Give it membership of the local golf club.
Dance with it.
hollow it out and drink from it.
use it to confuse the police.
sPut it on the railway tracks, so it can be used as an excuess for the trains running late.