h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No news from Zappgirl for some time. Let's hope is because everything is OK.

She does seem to go offline for a week or two fairly often. I'm sure she will be OK, but I'm equally sure that many people will be thinking of here until she returns.

Zappgirl, I hope you are OK and that you will be able to come back and read this.
When your boyfriend finds out about this thread he will put a stop to it - make no mistake about that.

Sweetheart, you don't have to answer to anyone except yourself.
The only person you have to look in the face is you.
People here that keep asking you to leave do so because they care about you.
They care. Whether you leave or not.
They can't help trying to get you out because they know the consequences, but they also know how hard it is and they would never think any less of you for staying.
They will still care, no matter what you decide to do.

Before you read any further let me say one thing - I ESCAPED.
It IS possible, even when you are at your lowest, but it would be an awful lot better to get out now, while you still have some part of yourself left and won't have to build yourself a completely new personality from scratch.

The trouble is, by the time you realise that he is never going to change and you can never be good enough to please him and escape the daily beating (as it will eventually become) you will have no confidence or self-respect left, no friends, no money and certainly nowhere to go.
It will be too humiliating to admit your circumstances to your family and ask for their help because you will think they will think less of you for putting up with it for so long.
It will be hard to explain that matters worsened so gradually that you didn't realise what was happening to you.

If you ever get to that stage Dear, please swallow your embarrassment and tell someone that can help you. It's worth it, honestly.

Zappgirl, I've decided to come out of the closet because your safety too important to risk, and it's too easy to dismiss hearsay (after all, how can outsiders really know?). Up to now I've used anecdotes and claimed to have been talking about "a friend" because I didn't want any of the people that knew me here, or anyone from RL who recognised me, to know the truth.
I even opened a new account to be able to make the really hard admissions anonymously. Trouble is I've forgotten the password.
(It's that brain damage again!)
Seriously, a couple of pages back someone mentioned brain damage. Think about it.
Try to imagine how it must feel to know how intelligent and capable you used to be. How sharp and quick-witted, articulate ...(um, I'm sorry, I've sat here for 5 minutes trying to remember what the rest of that sentence was meant to be. I don't have to try to imagine )
Honestly Zappgirl, repeated blows to the head, even if they're not bad enough to cause concussion (and there'll be those too) DO cause brain damage.

It won't happen to you though will it?
I've watched it happen to other people, and heard of so many others, but I never believed it could happen to me.
My case was different.
I was too strong. too bright. too independent and spirited.
He wasn't like those men you hear about.
He wasn't a monster.
He loved me - he kept telling me that.
He was sorry. He truly was sorry. He was trying to change. He needed me to help him.
He'd never had a chance. His father had beaten his mother and he hated him for it but here was he repeating the pattern. He needed help to break free of that. I was the only person that could help him.
I was his last chance.
And it wasn't so bad. I could cope. After all, it wouldn't always be like that. He was trying to change. Surely I loved him enough to stand by him while he struggled to come back to me.
The man I fell in love with must surely still be in there? If I could be strong enough and loving enough for both of us he could allow himself to be that man again.....

I came to my senses after he kicked me repeatedly in the stomach and killed my unborn baby.
This is going to sound terribly callous but thank goddess he did, because if I'd had his child he would have had such a hold on me - it doesn't bear thinking about.

It was my fault of course - i "deliberately lost the baby"

And then things got worse. But there was a little spark of hatred in there. Mainly self-hatred, because I had let him kill my baby, but any kind is better than numb acceptance.
Eventually one day I tried to kill him.
I'm too much of a pacifist. I've never deliberately hurt anyone.
I went upstairs and slashed my wrists.

I was lucky Zappgirl. Someone inside me refused to die. She took over. She defied him, regardless of the consequences, and when he realised that no matter how hard he beat me I didn't turn into a spineless wreck - even when he pretended he was going to crash the car and kill us both I just sat beside him and laughed merrily - he couldn't cope.
They can't deal with a strong, confident woman that actually knows what they're like and is no longer frightened and WON'T PUT UP WITH IT.

Please please please don't let it get to the stage where your only escape is to try to kill one of you.
You might not be so lucky.

Please get out before any permanent damage is done.
I'm 41 and half the time I'm practically a cripple because I have 7 or 8 damaged vertebrae and all the other injury sites have become arthritic.
And it's so frustrating when your brain won't work properly.

I've been married for the past 11 years to the dearest, sweetest, most wonderful man that ever lived. He has to put up with so much because the pain often restricts my activities.
Often I can't even do little things like cleaning and tidying, or even cooking. Sometimes he has to help me out of bed or wait on me.
And there are other things I can't always do as well as I used to (things you take for granted)

He never complains but have you any idea how guilty I feel knowing he has to put up with second best because that damned pervert damaged me?

I could no longer pick up my last child once he reached the age of 3 - because I had allowed the pervert to damage my spine.
I can't even carry a 4 month old granchild for more than 5 minutes because I allowed that pervert to damage me.

I had to move a long way, cut all ties and change my name, because the perv was stalking me. Now I can't let my older children put their names on the electoral register because the name is distinctive and he could find us.

Please go as far away as you can. And tell as many people as you can all about it so they will know enough to help you stay hidden.

Please Zappgirl.
Don't wait until you're irreversibly damaged. Please don't let the people that will love you in the future have to put up with second best.
Learn the words to "I Will Survive" and make them your mantra.

(Oh, and don't let anyone tell you what to do! )

Jesus.

A pathetically inadequate sounding to Autumn for that.

Shaking head in amazement at the guts it must have taken to (a) do that and (b) tell us all about it.

There's going to be other people saying this, but I may be the first. Thank you.

I hope it works. Zappgirl?

H.

Blimey. Shocked to speachlessness. (It is at times like these I hate the damn smileys; but a for Autumn Hughes nonetheless).

Ben

I just read that poem, dont remember who wrote it, but it made me cry, i dont know why...

Sorry i ve been gone, everything has been good. Kind of. At least not bad. Life is boring at this time. I dont get any time by myself, so its hard for me to get in here and read as i wish...

Take care everyone, i wish i had friends like you in real life.

kisses from zapp

Autumn Hughes, I've seen you around, but had no idea. Your posting is one of the most eloquent and moving postings I've seen on h2g2. I've had a friend who's been through that and your description is absolutely perfect. All respect for posting that, and see you out there, it would be a pleasure!

Peta

Thanks

for Autumn Hughes

Zappgirl - glad you're still out there and things seem OK at the moment. I have come back into this thread and notice that you have not been around much recently to reply to all the heartfelt experiences and advice. I hope you have been taking it all in though. Your last reply doesn't say much but it leads us to believe that you are bored. There will be something brewing I'm sure that will surface soon but if he can't even make you happy when he is not being nasty then what sort of life are you leading ? When things are going well with no arguments, people who are with the right person would say they were contented and relaxed - just enjoying each other's company. I very much doubt that you think that way with this man.

Oh - and we are real life ! There are tons of us out there who have hearts and care about people. If you are not surrounded by such folk face to face then your mum and home land would be a good place to start.

Well said, Tamara.

A real live person, really called Ben

Zappgirl - are you out there ? Hope you are OK

Thanks for bringing this to the top of the postings, Tamara; I have been worried about Zappgirl, but online so little, I forget to post here.

So, Zappgirl honey, how are you?

Ben

yes, how are you? if nothing else just give a small posting saying hello so we know everything is ok with you.
Monsy

Well let us hope she has gone home.I'm certainly praying that is the case.

Incog.

its been an awfully long time since we heard from Zapgirl - does anyone have any news of her?

No.



I will send her an email at the weekend, but the PC with her addy on is at home, and I cannot get to it till then.

B

Just checking in again.

I hope all is well

Still no news?

Incog.

nope