h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yes there are gents out here.I've been very lucky to have been married to one for 27 years.He's not perfect but then neither am I.However he is a gentle man who would never,ever think to hit a woman or child.He has incredible patience and hates anyone who abuses women or children.I count my blessings everyday.Especially as I've known(and listened to)others who have had to live with some real SOB's.
So please don't be put off those of you who are still seeking a partner-sometimes you find someone in the most unlikely places-sometimes right under your nose.
However if someone new in your life tries to make you feel bad about saying no to whatever their scheme might be-drop them like a hot potato.A good hearted man doesn't need to play tricks like that.

Go and be happy-life is too short to be serious for long.

(I can't contact you: clicking on your name gets me to an unknown researcher number which has no record of your postings here. So please can you leave a message on my home page - just click on my name, and I'll steer you towards more fun stuff.- there's a lot of fluffiness and gaiety about ) although I really appreciate your input to this.If the person who started it really exists, I hope to God she's taking notice of your experience.

Wandrin' Star: http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A681086

H.

Thank you. I feel really stupid. S/he can "fool some of the people all of the time".

Oh Zappgirl, Zappgirl Zappgirl

Have not looked at this thread for a while but am amazed you are still putting up with the situation. The wealth of experience and advice you have received can't be wrong. Still you say everything is fine really, but by continually sending conflicting messages we know that he is making your life a misery. Whenever the bad times outweigh the good it is time to think seriously about any relationship. But at your astounding level of bad times and experiences surely you can see it's time to get out. Other people have secure, loving relationships and don't have to put up with all this rubbish in the name of love. You could too - but never with this monster (Sorry but there's no other word for him that I can print.) He is bringing out the worst in you by making you physically abuse him aswell which is dangerous as no doubt it fires him up and in his eyes justifies his abuse. You seem to justifying his leering at other girls by saying at least he is honest about it and surmising that it means he cares. Once again - this is not how normal balanced, respectful men behave. Love is about respect and caring for each other's feelings. Not about wanting to hurt each other mentally and physically. He is doing this to you. There is nothing you can say to me and I am confident anyone else that will persuade us he is right for you. If you send another entry saying everything is fine really and you have your highs and lows like everyone else, I think I'll scream ! This may be less understanding than other entries but you need to get a grip. And fast. There's a comparitive heaven out there and you're seriously missing out.

Heaven? Well i dont know. I think i realized something like a week ago. Men who actually attac women fysically, do it because they feel like they cant get respect from the person, this id obliously a desperate attempt to get respect. The only thing is that it makes him look even more pittiful and small, when he has to use violence towards someone who is obliously so much smaller fysically that him. It happend once, he slapped me, he was drunk, he is an asshole... etc. He is pathetic. I hate him, and i love him. Sorry i created such a bad-energy thread... I dont know how to respond to all of you. I guess i could only "look you in the face" the day im out the door.

Zappgirl,

You're making a mistake. The mistake is this: you're trying to understand *why* he's doing it.

You already know *everything* you need to know, which is just this: he's doing it.

The "why" DOES NOT MATTER, at least not to you. Leave. Let him work out why he's doing it by himself, if he wants to. The best thing, the only sensible thing, that you can do is GO and leave him to it. You know this. You've practically said as much here tonight.

Others WILL support you if you do. There is help. You know what you should do. I hope the posting above means you know you are GOING to do it, sooner or later. If it does - great. Which leaves only one more question. Why not RIGHT NOW?

I hope you do the right thing. Too many people don't.

H.

Zappgirl,

You're making a mistake. The mistake is this: you're trying to understand *why* he's doing it.

You already know *everything* you need to know, which is just this: he's doing it.

The "why" DOES NOT MATTER, at least not to you. Leave. Let him work out why he's doing it by himself, if he wants to. The best thing, the only sensible thing, that you can do is GO and leave him to it. You know this. You've practically said as much here tonight.

Others WILL support you if you do. There is help. You know what you should do. I hope the posting above means you know you are GOING to do it, sooner or later. If it does - great. Which leaves only one more question. Why not RIGHT NOW?

I hope you do the right thing. Too many people don't.

H.

Hey Zapp,
Don't worry about "looking us in the face", we just want you safe and happy. Please keep posting here so we know you are ok. You know how we feel about your situation, just be brave and do what is right for you.

So what are you up to these days?

love
k

I came back here against my better judgement.
I thought I'd said it all, and now I believe that Zappgirl doesn't have the strength to leave, or the motivation.

Her pain she can deal with, it sure as hell beats the defeat of having a failed relationship. Living alone is so painful, imagine the silence? And having nothing to complain about, no-one to argue and fight with.



When I stayed with my son's dad, even though he was sexually abusive, I had a good reason. We had a child. I believed he would change and make a good life with us. He didn't. I only threw him out when I found out he was spying on my teenage daughters. People like them don't change. Once you have seen their "true colours" they have no need to keep up an act.

Zappgirl, I recall earlier in this thread you asked where the lovely man had gone, the one you fell in love with, the one who wooed you.
Well, he never existed.
You keep hanging in there...waiting for *him* to re-surface, as if he's been hiding all this time.
Unfortunately, he *never* existed.
It was an ACT.
Would you have even considered going out with him if he'd come at you with his fists on your first date?
I doubt it.
They ~know~ that.
That's why they put on an act until you're under their control.

You don't love him.
You're in love with a dream, the man you THOUGHT he was.
Of course he loves you. He loves the power he has over you. But if you leave, he won't mope. I *pray* he won't hunt you down, to exact his revenge for your "betrayal". Believe me, you are better changing countries.

I believe you will leave him when you are ready.
I believe you will stay with him out of a misguided sense of loyalty.
But I won't be back.
I can't read any more of this thread.
It's too painful.
I can't read any more of your excuses and reasons for staying with him. I can feel your misery. I know you're not happy.

I hope someone from this thread will let me know when Zappgirl announces she's left & gone home.

With love & hugs for everyone here,
~Galaxy Babe~

The Little Things You Do

by Barton Lynn Rolsky
(In hopes that I said something useful to both abused and abuser)

I do not mind at all the way you do not seem to care
What other men might think is right or even what is fair.
Or, that you challenge anyone to think less of your mind
For knowing how a woman really needs restraint. They're blind.
Your manner says it all to me. It's not respect I crave.
The thing I need more than all else, to serve you as your slave.

It's not that I require your hand to put me in my place.
It's not that you have always been so careful of my face.
It's not that beating down your friends or making one your foe
Is any indication of some problem you don't know.
It's not that I'm not fearful, rather, grateful for your touch,
To know you is to love you. You have made me learn that much.

It's not the endless panic that I might have made you mad,
(There's no way they will ever make me say that you are bad.)
I would not ever claim to be the equal of your brain.
I flatly will not listen when they say you are insane.
How could some stupid doctor ever know the truth of you?
I love you dearest for those thoughtless little things you do.

Those things like leaving early when you could have stayed here late,
The pain was almost nothing, You can't tell me that was fate.
Or how you sometimes will not beat me, even when I'm wrong.
Like when I stole that nibble from your cake I'd made too long.
Of course a week was proper to not eat or drink or dress.
How kind of you not to have let me serve you any less.

You did not need to get me that grand Hoover that you bought.
Those many fine attachments weren't as painful as I'd thought.
But most of all I thank you for the skill with which you showed
Me how to handle kitchen knives and catch the blood that flowed.
It wasn't that I meant to kill you. Right now I'm so sad.
I cleaned the mess up so well that I'm sure you would be glad.

I've hidden most of you where no one ever will suspect.
I tidy all around your grave. There's no sign of neglect.
Those little things about you which I couldn't bear to part
With are there in the freezer sitting right next to your heart.
And every now and then I take them out and have a cry.
You know I really love you but I still can't tell you why.

I think about those little things that made my life a joy
The way you used to make me crawl and play with my dog toy.
The absent way you brushed my hair away from where I bled
The silent exultation when I knew that you were dead.
It's times like this I know I couldn't ask for any more.
Such memories as these are really what a life is for.

thanks, that's put me off my morning snack, but maybe you got through to someone so I wont complain.

Anyone heard Shania Twains 'Blue Tears' recently. worth a listen.

FABT

unsubscribes.

In fact, I won't be back on h2g2

unsubscribes too.

Well, I am NOT unsubscribing from this thread. Zappgirl knows what I think, she knows what we all think, and sometime she will remember it, and know it is good advice.

Honey, when you post here saying 'you are right, I'm off to Sweden' there will be cheers and glasses of bubbly, and virtual baloons.

Keep posting here. Let us know you are still alive.

Ben

And Still Subscribed

Me too.

H.

goes without saying on my end
Monsy

My apologies, folks.
Still here.
Just got a bit upset by that poem which seemed to suggest a dreadful revenge.
Hope Zappgirl is OK. (A recent e-mail of mine did not get through)

I'd ignore the poem if I were you.

Barton was sufficiently involved in the latest lekz-banning episode that they disappeared, supposedly for good, when Quincy was banned.