h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A new page is like a clean hoover bag. Full of nothing but potential for suckiness.


~jwf~

Very profound!

A hoover is like a mind, full of potential, full of dust, smitten by dust bunnies and over there:::

The circumstances which led me to do it are now fairly hazy (something to do with Nighthoover?), but I've just read the blog on this from posting 1 to 740 and thought I'd see how much more there is ... just another 2,443 posts to go then.

Any chance someone can point me towards their favourite ones so I can skip the rest? Or perhaps just summarise for me?

Sorry to intrude ...

Mol

Traveller in Time on his head
"Easy enough, just read every tenth posting.
N
I
G
H
T
H
O
O
V
E
R
N
I
G
H
T
H
O
O
V
E
R
And while you are next to it, perhaps the rest as well. "

Thank you ... what a good idea. Night night.

Mol

Well if you've read the first 700 you know who the principal players have been and you've probably found there are some postings you prefer to others.

So just scroll through the pages looking for your favourite writers. But be sure to check out any new names as they come and go. Some very creative people came and went. Just as the nighthoover did when he started it all.

As a rule of thumb I'd say every tenth post from 2legs would suffice as many of them were his daily chant and rant ritual services. They sustained this thread daily thru the hard and lean timnes of disbelief and persecution. They have a very mystic and oriental quality about them and for that reason you want to be careful not to absorb too much of that sort of thing in one sitting.

But you really should read every word posted by ~jwf~. Brilliant stuff, original every time. See Post 3181 above for an example of his continued freshness and variety on an admittedly thin premise.

~jwf~'s efforts to turn this thread into a serious alternative to organised religion by demonstrating that 'nighthoover' is analogous to the black-hole at the center of our Galaxy were met with little enthusiasm by most other contributors but the theological basis is there, recorded in the blog for future excavation. Because sooner or later we all find out that everything sucks. And our Galaxy sucks big time. Maybe the entire Universe sucks, who knows.


~jwf~

*the black-hole at the center of our Galaxy*

And then there was this little girl asking why?
Where is this shopping center? I want some

Traveller in Time on his head
"Hail the nighthoover
-Hail the profet
-Hail the clerk
-Hail the

( Where did that come from? )"

Fhrrily and mhrrily we persist in the presence of the hoover, daily we divulge our souls to the pertibations of hooverlyness in a dust smitten world of dark dank filth, oh yea. and Mhrrily so we do sit in the dust of hoover, awaiting the second hoovering oh yea. Prescious our beliefs, precious our thoughts, and yea, each and every post collective to the end of true nigthhooverism, oh yea.
Lettuce spry, mhrrily so, oh yea, a thousand yea's oh yea, oh yea oh yea

Our nighthoover
Who art in hoover
hoove be thi name

and lo!
the music of the night did fade as the hooverment completes its cleansing of the dust, oh yea, lo! Lo! and again the hand that holds the hoover holds the hoover, oh yea, thrilly so, oh yea, and hoover-be, oh yea, hoover-be hooverly, hoover-be grea, hoover-be hooverly, -hoover-be of the night, oh yea n
i
g
h
t
h
o
o
v
e
r
Where for art thou nighthoover wherever there is dust nighthoover will be found oh yea

Nighthoover is nowhere to be seen in Canberra, even though I have left the dust where it has fallen, as a votive offering...

n i g h t h o o v e r

We seek nighthoover here, we seek nighthoover there, we seek the elusive nighthoover everywhere!

Many come to doubt the raw essence of that which we call nighthoover. But we must not deny those that do so. We must show them by our hooverability and higherhooverconciousness what can be attained by following the holy electrical cord to the hoover of the night. by doing so they will see taht the dustbunnies and the loess leapords never sleep and that if they do not wake up themselves soon theywill bee but dust themselfs. For lo, is it not said, "Do not sweep for the unhooverly, but show them that they may sweep for themselves"?

Lettuce spray, mhhrlllerly


n
i
g
h
t
h
o
o
v
e
r

D'you know, I think I can understand why Nighthoover didn't come back ...

Mol

nighthoover awaits the second coming time on the suction of hoover shall nighthoover return and suceth mightily oh yea and all the dust bunnies wil yelllp and scream most marzipaningly as their lord high of the hoover in the night doest move amongst them, mhrrily so n
i
g
h
t
h
o
o
v
e
r

OK, now at posting 1,200. So far, the story seems to run like this:

nighthoover makes one posting and never comes back
2legs spends a lot of time crying about this, but decides the best chance of finding nighthoover is by checking out as many alcohol outlets as possible.
Other noble researchers join this quest.
nighthoover still hasn't returned, so 2legs and followers are dutifully searching for him, denying themselves everything but liquid refreshment.

Don't spoil it for me if I haven't picked up on what will later be major themes, I've still got 2,000 posts to go.

~jwf~ has made only ONE posting (well, maybe two) in that last batch; I'd have been back a lot quicker if I'd followed his advice. Oh well.

*considers going downstairs and vacuuming living room in show of solidarity*

*abandons idea as only have a Henry which is not quite the same*

Mol

Spoil?
Now there's a word.
You mean of course the rotting process of old fruit and veg and fish too long out of water.

It is unlikely we shall spoil you any more than the great gravitas of Time herself will do eventually. No, we are in no rush to hoover. It can wait. As Count Zero himself has said, "Do not sweep for the unhooverly, but show them that they may sweep for themselves"?

On the bright side, by the time you catch up to this Present, you'll understand what I'm talking about.


~jwf~

>> ..you'll understand what I'm talking about. <<

Which is to say, nothing.
Or little to nothing.
Fot it is the minutia of a grain of dust that gives meaning. Else why try to catch the sparrow.

~jwf~

>> ..the minutia of a grain of dust that gives meaning.. <<

Yeah, that and a cure for cancer.

~jwf~

>> ...~jwf~ has made only ONE posting (well, maybe two) in that last batch... <<

There, is that better? A tour de fours.

~jwf~