h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sorry, that's actually "when you want a bit of advice".

Either way, my Italian is always way better after a few beers...

Is she that?

Oh no no no nononono... my *speaking* Italian!

The Italian girl of my acquaintance is the one that prompted my search for NFGs - we split up in 2003 after about six years together...

By the way, does anyone reckon there's anything I can do about my situation, or is it best just to leave it now?

I could always ask my mate to ask someone at work for her phone number (there's bound to be someone there who knew her better than he did) but it's nearly two weeks later now and it seems a bit late, really.

I think I've just answered my own question.

Never too late.

She'll be flattered.

(That you called, not that you thought she was from Lesbia...)

F*ck it, find her, tell her someone told you she was a lesbian and thats why you seemed uninterested and make a joke out of it. Thats what Id do...

Get her number.

Hi everyone Think I might have found a NFG (who I will call wallabee)

I met wallabee a couple of weeks ago at my friends engagement party. We ended up at this casino (bizarre) and we got chatting. He was really shy and a bit clumsy, I remember thinking that he was really sweet but maybe a bit too shy - This fight started up when a bloke came over to me and my friends table and wallabee just watched, then when we found out that someone in our party had gone to find him, wallabee had practically run off towards th toilets Which made me think wimp, basically But I could be wrong, he could have had diarohea....Not sure which is worse....

I've only been out with one shy guy before and that pretty much ended on our second date when, because of both of our shyness, found that all we really knew about eachother was our names and that he had an epeptic fit so couldn't drive his car....

Anyway, after a few missed calls and not being able to get in touch, we spoke tonight. As I've got a week off work and he works nights, think we're going to meet in the day sometime next week. But I don't know where we should go!

Any ideas for a first date? Whenever I pick where we go, I say cinema just because I can't think and it ends up being disasterous

Daytime activities:

Go (window) shopping, (will tell you a lot about him - likes and dislikes, whether he's prepared to stop while you look at clothes and shoes, which shops he dithers over, how often he's prepared to stop for coffee or a sandwich and how much he'll spend on it, which shops he is actually prepared to enter, whether he just looks or talks as well, and whether he catches on to what you like and starts pointing out stuff to you that he thinks you might like)

Or go hamburger eating - sitting opposite each other you have to talk to each other and look at each other - you learn a lot about him that way, and can also scrutinise his table manners and hands (very important, hands)

play squash, if you feel like it.

go swimming, Now that is pure eroticism. Splashing about in the water, having a giggle, a race - and as for what goes on under the water......

Go sightseeing - somewhere near you where you have never been - or at least not since you were about 8. Stately home, gardens, museum. Something to talk about all the time, so no embarrassed silences - again, plenty of opportunity to find out what he feels, thinks, talks, looks like

Cinema - not a good idea. You don't get to see him or talk to him for a couple of hours. This is something for long-term worn-out relationships, or to do on your own. Unless you go to an early showing and have a meal afterwards - but that could get expensive.

I've never actually tried it, but a walk by the river always sounds llike a good idea to me. With a good few stops at pubs and cafes and parks and so on.

you worry me footy

My little Italian has made it very clear she's only interested in me as a friend. I told her she couldnt really come round mine anymore, cos I really do fancy her.

Its f*cking annoying. Most of the girls I pull just piss me off. Ill meet up with them once or twice, get some sex and get bored and piss off.
Why is it that the one girl that Ive been interested in, although thinking im gorgeous, an amazing dancer, and great company doesnt fancy me in the way I like her?

F*cks sake. Im f*cking bored of just pulling to satisfy my basic instincts. I want someone to hold, to feel, to know, to f*ck. I told her as such, but she just wants a friend she can hug...

Bollox, f*cking moody now, Ive just had to spend the night in bed with the girl I fancy. Told her I couldnt hook up with her again cos I could very easily see myself falling in love with her, which is something neither of us want, well not in the current situation.

F*ck it, Im gonna get stoned and drunk now. Fall back on the traditional ways of filling the emptiness...

Bob, my heart goes out to you, mate. No-one seems to explain why this kind of thing happens, but it seems to happen a lot more than is probably necessary.

Good luck with the traditional methods

Just to let you know, what was between me and the Czech girl is over. I don't want to go into details, and I would prefer if you didn't mention her again.

Bob: Judging from what you're saying you're no stranger to playing with people's emotions to get laid. Looking at it from that perspective, don't you think you're just getting what you deserve?

Nah mate, I dont play with peoples emotions to get laid. Id be guilty of that if I kept going with them after a couple of meetings. No promises are made, none are broken. In my world meeting up with someone after pulling at a club doesnt mean much for anyone...

A nightclub pull is very different to meeting someone through somewhere else. As I've stated before, you get very little perception of people through a drugged up drunken dancefloor nightclub pull. When youre used to this this is what you expect. I'm sure the girls Ive met up with expect the same.

Usually the getting bored after a couple of meetings is mutual.

Out of the girls who Ive met up with more than once after pulling at a club, Id say three were getting as bored of me as I was of them, and two I had to tell I wasnt interested in anything more. Which I did after a couple of dates.

So no, I dont think Im getting what I deserve... I try to treat everybody fairly, in fact, one of my faults according to the Italian girl is that Im too nice...

Sorry Xan mate, you're living in a different world to me... This is the way my world works...

It's a strange world to me, too, Bob, so I'm wondering

a. These girls are going to the same place as you. You must have something in common with them. So how can you say that if you meet up with a girl you meet at a club it is going to be a short-lived relationship? (implying that she's not your type)

b. It is interesting to note that you realise the girls are also bored with you. You're a good bloke, because you can perceive what other people are thinking of you. That's a good basis for a relationship. It'll stand you in good stead.

c. And contrariwise to "a" above - why should someone you meet somewhere else (work? school? uni? evening classes?) be better than a girl you pick up in a night club?` Some of them are hollow-headed, or maybe simply not your type, too.


So, even if you are drunk or stoned, something has attracted you to those girls at the clubs. Maybe one day, you'll find out one of them is a really nice girl and just right for you. Even if she is stoned/drunk/at the same club. She might be your solicitor's secretary, or your nephew's teacher - something really staid!

I am prompted to these thoughts because, when I was a sixth former, we read a very presumptuous poem by Philip Larkin, called "Afternoons".

It was about the (what he described as) shallow lives of the young mothers who met at the playgrounds in the afternoons with their prams and toddlers. Even as a sixth former I was most indignant that Philip Larkin would imply that anyone who had a baby was stupid and lived a boring life. I tried to point out to him that any of us girls there could find themselves in that situation - were we any the stupider or less valuable as a person because of it?

I hope you can see the analogy I am trying to make.

I'm not trying to say that girls at clubs are what you need, or girls who don't go to clubs are what Xan needs. I'm just trying to say that people are people. At clubs, at work, at McDonalds and elsewhere. Don't judge them on how they spend their free time - things might not be as they seem.

Sorry about the little rant above - if any of you read it, you may see what I'm getting at ..... basically I'm saying : don't leave any stone unturned!

Well, it's a strange situation, clubbing. There's someone I'm trying to get over and one thing that's helped is the realisation that although I thought at one point we could work really well if we got together, all we definitely have in common is a love of getting off our faces and doing some ing brilliant dancing.