h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Try someone who's been in Fairy Liquid adverts.

Or lobotomised.

Can't help you I'm afraid. I've got short legs. But at least they both work.

Sorry.

***B

First change your name to Stanley H. Tweedle, and you'll find yourself flooded with offers.

Now *there's* an obscure refference for you.

Be warned, taking the Tweedle route may lead to confusion due to some women being cannibalistic, whilst others may turn out, against all probability, to be plants.

(Thrilled that someone got the reference)
Or treacherous and resurrected and in league with the bad guy. And when you do find some nice girls, it'll be five of them at once and you'll beg to be allowed some peace...
That's that one milked as far as it will go. Back to relationship advice.

Are references to shows on Channel 5 obscure by definition?

Most of them- this one is a worthy cause.

How delightful! I haven't had this much attention in a long time. It's so lovely that you are all interested in my plight.
Let me clarify some things. I'm not looking for a Dickensian housewife, a servant, a slave, or a prostitute, as some of you seem to think.
I've travelled long and far and am weary of the road. I am aproaching the autumn of my life and have decided to end my wanderings. On the road, opportunities for love come up often and unlooked-for, but now that I've stilled my feet, I find myself lonely.
I see all these wonderful young maidens everywhere. I would like to meet some, but I am afraid of being though of as an old pervert. I simply admire and adore their fresh springtime airs, their yummy frolicking goodness. I wonder if any of them could possibly care to dote on an old fool. How do I find such a compassionate angel? And how would I approach her?

First, you leave your computer and go outside.

Second,look around and see how wonderful the world is.

Third, smile and be nice to everyone - not just the dream girls

After a time they will notice and think 'Gee what a nice guy!'

good luck
176645

Thank you, sir. You are a nice guy, and not at all judgemental. Nor do you jump to conclusions. May the sun shine on your path.

You don't sound like a mad old pervert... chances are few people will think you're one.
Good luck.

Thank you all. Today I shall spend the afternoon at the park, watching the lovely girls run and play. I'll let you know if your wishes bear fruit.

Talking to young girls doesn´t make you an old pig. Looking down their cleavage and smacking their butt does. So as long as you don´t do that you have a chance. But are you looking for love or sex?

"That's a beautiful necklace, young lady... I know quite a bit about jewellery, let me examine it more closely."
Ha.

funny isn't it that when your not looking there seem to be plenty around, and you assume that when you feel like it there will still be plenty around. unfortunately that does not seem to be the case. so stop looking for a lovely wee thing, just be nice to everyone and one may turn up.

odd advice i know. but its amazing what turns up when your not looking for, or actively seeking, it

Allegedly, being stinkingly well off is an advantage. But I'm sure nobody would marry for money - why, that would be laughable! Alternatively, you could always find someone ever-so-slightly closer to your own age - I've noticed that "wonderful", "fresh springtime airs" and "frolicking goodness" are remarkably uncorrelated with body age. More to do with a person's soul, in fact.

Lucinda - keeps telling herself that...

Or take Benjamin Franklin's advice.

He recommended older women, because bodies do not age as much as faces, and - according to him - older women are so grateful.

Hmmmm

an older woman called Ben

I'd suggest a holiday to Agadir - Morocco. Nice and friendly girls on every streetcorner... And cheap too !!

Yes, both love, and, ahem, as you so bluntly put it, sex I do seek. Older women might be nice for some, but I much prefer the young, with their satin skin, full-blooming lips, and proud breasts.
Someone suggested I actively refrain from actively seeking this. It seems an odd tactic, but I will try it intensely for the next half hour.
My park experiment went well enough. I spent a Saturday afternoon on a bench, smiling beatifically at all the pretty girls. I recieved few dirty looks, but no offers to be pampered like a big baby. I'll try again during the week.