h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You mean as in 'come'...???.

*imagines the salty fluid in here mucus membranes...ach!*

Come on GD - was it bad timing or just lousy aiming ?

We're all on tenterhooks here!

Neither, I don't think about things like that at that sort of moment

I went to Chinatown two days ago. They had some celebration on honour of a guy I think was the mayor. Started out with some trophies being given out. Then some children doing a bit of acrobatics. Some dancing. And then a kung-fu guy showing neat tricks with a whip and a nunchaku. And he also was going to show us he could put his finger through a coconut. He was saying a lot of things in chinese I didn't understand. Untill he turned in my direction and said "Yes you, tallest guy in Malaysia." I am two meters tall, so I was sort of standing out in the crowd. He wanted me to come up on stage to demonstrate it was a real coconut. In front of a few hundred people. I also was asked where I was from and had to try and perform some kung-fu movements. I feel embarrassed standing in front of 10 people, 100 isn't really better. After about 15 minutes I was let down again. I'm not going back to Chinatown

Aw...

sXan

1) as a budding teenage girl at the swimming pool ,thinking my girlfriend was standing near>>>I was amazed at the size of new freckles on my chest;I looked down at my chest and said with sheer amazement: Look how BIG they are!A man standing very close to me said: Well they're OK but not all that big and great! 2) I was in my 20's , rarely thinking I looked good. When ever I did thick so or pat myself on the back, I'd get shot down immediately.(that still happens--keeps me humble!) One day I have new clothes,haircut, feeling very happy and I thinking, I pulled it off! I look pretty good today. I went shopping, people were starring at me....... A lot! To the point I was thinking; A Good Attitude (positive affirmations)really does affect how you present to people. Eventually, I went into the bathroom. Much to my horror I had a cup-sized Glob Of pink cheek cream barley balanced atop my head! Unknowingly, the jar had broken in my purse. My brush picked up the thick creamy makeup when I had quickly brushed my hair before entering store.

One of my professors fell asleep once when a student was reading a particularily boring paper - woke up to find the whole class grinning at him....

A mate of mine finished his GCSE maths exam and had to wait half an hour or so to be let out at the end. He fell asleep and started snoring (not too loudly)!!!

doh, insanity caused me to press post.

He slept till the end with the(young) teacher invigilating not knowing what to do. Everyone was looking around, would have been a great chance to cheat if anyone wanted.

I fell asleep on a plane. After a week of very little sleep ,I often do not know where I am (away from home) when I wake up. I had a row to myself and got rather comfy, I fell into a deep sleep, dreaming. I awoke to the sound of my own *enormous* belch! Before opening my eyes ,I mumbled something about satisfaction! In a few seconds I realised where I was, I was mortified! I apologetically uttered a please excuse me! To make matters worse, before the end of the flight ,I got the giggles about it all.

OK, so this didn't actually happen to *me*, but it's such a good embarrassing moment story, that I just have to share.

Last summer, I was asked to go to a Midnight Oil concert with a nice young man I know. The concert was 250 kilometres away, and by the time we got there, the car was running on empty. My friend decided he would get fill it up _after_ the show, so we wouldn't be late....
Well, after the show, we started back on the highway, and he told me he knew where a nearby petrol station was...

He missed the exit, and thus began an absolutely bizarre string of embarrassing moments. It took about 10 minutes (running on empty) to backtrack to the station to fill up, and just as he put the nozzle in the car and pressed 'Pay Inside', the lights went out inside the station, and the clerk's voice came *BOOMING* over the PA saying 'Um, sir? We're closed!' Unsure of what to do, since he'd already pressed the button, he went to the door to talk to the clerk. She told him the register was locked for the night, but the pump could be reset later, if he wanted to try another using a credit card.

He came back to the car, got inside, started to drive to another pump when we heard a 'SSKKKK-KLUNK!' noise. Honest to God, he'd forgotten to take the nozzle out of the car.

So he got out to hang it back up, and somehow in the process, he managed to drip petrol on himself, so he got back into the car, reeking of gasoline. I was already trying without much success to supress my giggles, and meanwhile he, noticeably flustered , pulled up to the next pump on the wrong side!

Finally, he pulled up to a third pump on the correct side, got out, pressed 'Credit Card', and put the nozzle in the car... However, the machine's credit card device malfunctioned, refused to acknowledge his card, and by default, went back to 'Pay Inside'!

So the clerk's voice, once again, came *BOOMING* over the PA saying 'Um, Sir? We're CLOSED!' And of course he just stood there, panic-stricken, desperately pressing the 'Credit Card' button, shouting back in exasperation, 'I KNOW THAT!'

I was laughing myself silly!

Well, after that, we tried another gas station about 5 kilometres away, but they too were closed, and had no credit card option, so we finally rode another 6 kilometres or so (*still* running on empty) until we finally found a station that was still open.

He was convinced a plague of locusts would come next, but thankfully, we made it home safely.

Cheers!
Raindawn

This experience was not so embarrassing for me (as I am an uncouth fop anyway) but it was a total freezeframe moment for my then girlfriend. We had been seeing each other for about a month or so, and had spent some time one afternoon shopping. Heading back to her parents house, I was suddenly caught short- I desperately needed a bowel movement! We were only 5 minutes walk from her house but I insisted that I couldn't go any further. So, between the local leisure centre and a railway embankment, I ducked behind some bushes and pulled my garments down to do the job. My girlfriend stood at a safe distance, looking away.
Then a train with about 4 carriages full of people passed by, close enough for the passengers to see what I was up to. I gave a cheery wave at the speeding onlookers as my girlfriend stood, paralysed with embarrasment.
We have hust tied the knot.

Aww... that's a wonderful story... very romantic

The others are good too

Could this herald the revival of one of the best threads on h2g2?

I really liked Raindawn's one You just get so paranoid after where everything goes wrong.

Bowel movements are invariably embarrassing. Just after meeting an ex-girlfriends parents and grandparents, I decided to use their khazi. Whereupon, I dropped the most awesome log - it must have been a good 15 inches long - I swear it looked like a snooker table leg.

Of course it wouldn't flush after the first five attempts, and I was reduced to hitting it with the Jif bottle to break it up. When I went downstairs I received assorted grins and a furious glare from me bird.

B

B

I have a nurse friend.She left patient nursing to go into the HMO business end. First day, Big meeting, she had a Question at the end of the financial meeting. She says: I am pleased to be working here & in a new area of the medical field. I have understood all but 1 thing. I am wondering who the 4 prophets are. Since everything seems to come down to them. Ummm er silence.......Then Laughter. Finally ,after what seemed like an eternity,the vice-president says,Do you mean the phrase "Not for profit"? This is a non-profit organization, meaning Not for profit. NOT for the 4 PROPHETS!

....

Just what I needed, a quick trip down embarrassment avenue ....

Quick one... Been to work, wearing an old(ish) suit, which (I thought) fitted me perfectly. Not too tight, not too loose, waist size just right, basically comfortable.... Said Hello to my GF, and crouched down to stroke the cats, @ which point.... RIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP... My Trousers split right down the seam..... Not my MOST embarrising moment by a long shot....

Did I ever tell anyone about my embarassing story about glow in the gark stickers?

Oooh no do go one please...