h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

}I sense a disturbance in the force!{

["Mew!" says Mew]

}You recognize it?{

[Mew, to those who have never had one, repeats himself]

}When I was created? Hmmm...{

Albatross.

Do you get wafers with it?

"Baggerpants" will do nicely Pres .

If spanners are needed for sex, then I must be doing it wrong, unless you have a plastic pal who's fun to be with...

It's Ioreth! Or, in lowercase, ioreth. That's right, an i.

If ducting tape is, in American, duct tape - I am the whiz with this stuff. I'll get right on it.

aww its so nice to see that everyone is as strange(ish) as ever

Sorry, Ioreth.

}A word to the wise: if you aren't sure which vowel to use, use all of 'em!{

Livzy is a bloke, actually.
Livzy is so-o-o a blokes name.

And I'm still waiting for some-one to cut this bloody ducting tape off me so I can round up my geese, pack away my spanners and get on with my life!!!

I already did.

[re-run speeded-up of YK untying Livzy]

Ah yes but that Monsy tied me up again!
She's such a minx!!

Cute buns though!!!!

}I can fix that.{

[eyes start glowing, a sphere of light surrounds him, blasts of energy spew from his hands, and all duct tape in the forum vaporizes. All light effects are blue.]

}That better?{

[almost-accurate Darth Vader impersonation] Impressive.

[Crosses eyes, sticks a finger in each ear, and hops around on one leg with tongue sticking out]

I think I missed a bit. Sorry.

Well, I started at the beginning, went through the dull bit in the middle and I'm still waiting to find out what Livzy's game was since we still haven't rounded up the Geese.

Is this like Pratchett's differentiation between erotic and kinky?
erotic - a feather.
kinky - the whole chicken.

Livzy extends his eternal gratitude to Mewtwo and Mew and does some rather bizzare "stretching"

The geese are "homing geese" and have found their way back and have brought their spanners with them.

He is keen to start the game but needs four volunteers.

Any takers??

Will it hurt ?

Does it matter?

Do we need any extra equipment or is it all provided? I'm a tiny bit worried about the use of spanners ie nut tightening equipment, that suggests a little too much of the whole chicken for my liking....... or maybe not........ twisted, literally!