h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And at the weekend I noticed this sign in the door of a closed cafe.

"SHUT HAPPENS"

PP

I saw this outside a restaraunt somewhere

"six dollar burger for six dollars"

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
-- George Burns

On the bins with unpaired shoes in, outside a shoe shop, I saw buy one get one free.

“I saw a Volkswagen Beetle today with a vanity license plate that read FEATURE”.

It's not often that you are reminded of a parliamentary quote that makes you smile, but I was today

In a Sydney Town Hall debate in 2000, (ex Australian Prime Minister) Gough Whitlam explained that he had never dropped the "C-word" in Parliament, despite his widely recognised capacity for colourful language.

"The nearest I came to doing so was when Sir Winton Turnbull, a member of the cavalleria rusticana, was raving and ranting on the adjournment and shouted 'I am a country member'," the former prime minister recalled.

"I interjected 'I remember'. He could not understand why, for the first time in all the years he had been speaking in the house, there was instant and loud applause from both sides."

I resemble that remark...Casey Stengal

In a restaurant called Eddie Rocket, on the napkins, it says:
"Please don't take our cutlery, we know where you live!" and on the walls something along the lines of "People with a colourful personality may be served first" and "Unsupervised children will be sold to the next circus coming through town". I thought it was great!

I think it was in a toy store:

Unattended children will be given espresso and a free puppy

While working in Market Research many years ago I was answered with the following;

I can't stop, I'm in the middle of a chicken!

Oh the images that conjured up

What was the question?

A friend of mine had a restaurant once and painted the walls in the loo with blackboard paint thinking that it would at least make the graffiti easier to deal with.

About a week after he opened he went into the loo and there, carved into the wall, were the words "So, where's the bleedin' chalk then?"

This was in a swimming pool

"You don't swim in the toilet so don't wee in the pool"

"There are two ways to live your life. One is as if nothing were a miracle. The other is as if everything is."
-Albert Einstein

"This isn't dueling pistols at dawn, this is war. You never wanna fight fair. You want to sneak up, behind your enemy, and club 'em over the head."

Life may not be the patry we had hoped for, but while we're here, we may as well dance!!

"...Life is that property which a bieng will loose as a result of falling out of a cold and mysterious cave 13 miles above ground level. This is not a useful definition because:

a) It could equally refer to the subjects glasses if he/she happens to be wearing them

and

b) fails to take into account the fact that the subject may fasll onto the back of.... say... an extremely large passing bird.

The first of these is due to sloppy thinking but the second is quite clearly utterly ludacris..."

DNA

“Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard”

Spike Milligan

"No wise man ever wished to be younger"
Jonathan Swift

Simple living is the direct result of complex thinking.