h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm not a vile boy.....I'm a nice boy

Then what are you doing here.

disgusting

can I have a cup of instant recall of all information learnt on course in the past 12 weeks please..... and go easy on the big word high faluting lingo juice the last one was too sweet

*hands hayayfi a drink*

What am I doing here.........I can't remember

Worked it out yet?

You were putting bucks Fizz into a blender and serving them as a drink

Okay I need me a kick starter so barkeeper add some vegi juice, along with barley greens, Avocardor .... stout ... 2 raw eggs, ground oatmeal and then wiz it around in the blender...... then I'll wash my hair with it .......you didn't think I woud drink the stuff did you

Or maybe a face pack?

For face packs I prefer cuecumber chamomile tea bags and avocardo,,
Then when your finished add some tomato, onion and some balsimic vinegar , black pepper and you have lunch and a drink

You should have a cooking show.

Ahh the light dawns must be his nap time

Who me?

It could be because I live across the pond, in a place surrounded by other ponds on three sides, excuse me, six.

Do you live on a hexagonal island? How pretty!

No, the state I live in consists of two peninsulas, connected together only by a 5 mile long bridge. There are some who say that the ones to the north of the bridge should have their own state, which would be sad, 'cause that's where all the good pasties come from.

I'll have an old grandfathers penfold port and some of those crackers and edam cheese followed by some of that sticky date pudding with icecream...oh and would you pass me that beautiful red leather book on the counter next to you mind if I take that booth in the corner near the fire.... and for background music a little nat king cole perfect

realises she nodded off in the booth and looks around to find shes the only one here

*orders a pie and a pint*

*and an ashtray*

I need something that is going to jumpstart my motor any suggestions I have a kitchen and pantry to tackle followed by a bathroom, one bedroom carpet, dinner, bringing in the washing, a stack of ironing, paperwork, feed the chooks, stack some wood in the fire box for tonight, bake a cake for visitors tomorrow and all while seeing to a sick child and providing coffee to the workers outside buiding the new shed. Actually I need to rob a bank and hire someone to do all the rest while I go for a sleep

Proper coffee, perhaps intraveinously!

doesn't that mean I would have to stay in one place long enough to have it filter through