h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Welcome! You've entered a beautiful penthouse apartment, overlooking Central Park in New York. Your hostess Batty is charming, witty, exciting, kind, sweet, extremely helpful, humorous, beautiful (but of course!), evil, ornery and a little daft... did I mention that she bites sometimes and often "drops" things resulting in breakage also? Shhhh... I think she heard me...

Sorry I digress... So if you've come here looking for a good time - Baby you've found the right place! This is PARTY CENTRAL! So come on in, kick off your shoes and relax!

Phew! Um... you might want to put those bad boys back on... I think you're wilting her plants

Batty!!

The Batty Fan Club...that`s got a really good feel to it
May you have much success, and many alcoholic "happenings" here
And take a bow, Michele, for creating a new and much deserved Fan club!!
See you around the Hootoo, Batty!

gosh.. for me?? now this was unexpected... it's enough to make a bat with joy..

*gives Michele and Lurcher a big then pulls out a bottle of Veuve Clicquot to celebrate*

Keep pourin` Batty, I like your style

here i am.
i think i must be your biggest fan batty!

*orders a case of Veuve Clicquot from the Sacramental Bar to keep things going* gosh... the least I could do is entertain...
*starts another pot of gingerbread cafe con leche for those who don't like the VC*

First time I had a chance to get back here since I created it! You deserve it Batty! You were one of the first people who welcomed me to h2g2 (you, Lurcher and Thog) and you three have been special ever since then!

*gives Galen a and pops another VC*

gosh.. thanks, Michele... this is on the West Side of Central Park, isn't it?? I hate the East Side - too many financial dweebs and white bread types..

*contemplates her fan club being at the Montana at 72nd and CPW (where John Lennon lived)*

* Slips in, un-noticed, and leaves a crate of McLurchers Hormonal Malt Whisky, for the attention of Batty*
* Hormonal = A synthetic substance, which reacts with internal secretions, passing into the blood, to stimulate organs to action*

Not that you need any such thing Batty, but it tastes good !!
L

Ooh! McLurchers Hormonal Blend!! My favorite!!!

Thanks Lurcher!

* back to Pan's space to see if the Chippendale guys she turned in after the pub crawl have sufficiently recovered*

*comes in with a brigade of flonkeys in tuxedos to help serve food and drinks and several bug muscly guys carrying cases of Veuve Clicquot, a variety of wines and liquors and several kegs of and * Put the drinks outside please boys, the bar is set up on the veranda.

*checks the fridge and pantry to see all is well stocked and begins preparations* Okay.. let's begin..

*Puts some great cooking music on the sound system, grabs a glass of and starts on the munchies. Her famous pate madeira, nice tidbits of cheese, meats, veggies and various spreads and dips. Takes out a block of ice with nice indentations in it for several little caviar serving dishes.*

*dashes to the door at the sound of the chime and invites in the gentlemen with the ice sculpture, the delivery of caviars and foie gras and yet more * Perfect! Those can be iced on the veranda.

*checks on a few items that were left marinating. Prime rib injected with clarified butter and cognac and roast pork with garlic slivers inserted for flavor then rubbed with crushed fresh rosemary, sage and a variety of seasonings both go into the oven. Various fowl (not foul ) injected with a variety of seasonings is placed in the rotisserie. Preparations begin for a variety dishes and salads to go with it.*

*A buffet table is set up in a formal dining room with a view of the park and the light appetizers are set up on the veranda with the bar. Fresh flowers are brought in and placed everywhere. Roses are floated in the fountains to scent the air.* Poifect!!

*rings the doorbell, Sets the basket of several different homemade breads and focacias she brought as a housewarming gift for Batty down while she shifts the bottles of Verners Ginger Ale in her other arm. Looks through the peep-hole in the door to see if anyone is looking back at her*

*comes dashing for the door in her apron and toque* Michele!!! I'm so glad you stopped by.. come on to the kitchen.. I'm just throwing together some munchies for anyone who stops by. I even had several flonkeys spliced just for the occasion.. Can I get you a gingerbread con leche?

Mmmm... that sounds yummy Batty! Doesn't that translate into "the lecherous gingerbread coffee"? (which makes it even more appealing! )

I'm so glad I stopped by! I needed the company. I've made a horrible discovery this weekend... it seems... well... I can hardly bring myself to say it, but...

I'm OLD!

*spikes Michele's and adds a letch sidecar* oh I know what you mean... I somehow got old without knowing it as well.. what happened?

*starts to sniffle in sympathy as was as from the recognition she is in the same ing boat*

Well, I walked into the bathroom (just minding my own business I want to you know - not bothering anyone!) and it attacked me! The big shiney thing on the wall attacked me!

Oh yeah, that and the fact that I realized PS was born the same year I graduated from high school...

It's not fair I tell ya! Just when I realized I was in my 20's and having the time of my life... I wasn't in my 20's any more!

Oh I hate that!! I got my first inkling of it at 25 stinking years old! I was in Germany visiting my aunt and my cousin wanted to take me out with her friends one night. One had a crush on me and she actually looked shocked and yelled 'But she's old!'.. the ing young whippersnapper... now here I am in my 30s and she's probably considering putting me in a home or something...

(nods her head knowingly) Just wait until you hit your 40's! I don't think there are any single men alive after 40.

*finally notices all the food and goodies that Batty has prepared*

Ooooooh! Food!

Oh then you need to come visit NYC, Michele... all sorts of em here.. they must all move here after their exes throw them out or something..

I'm personally getting of the opinion that I'm wearing a sign that states 'All dirty old men please enquire here'. I mean really. I have absolutely no problem with someone in his 40s or even early 50s because I actually prefer em a bit older than me (I draw the line at older than my mom, though ). Apparently something about me says to the typical senior citizen 'Hurry up and take your geritol then hit on the redhead'.