h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i beg your pardon, sir?

I said "Greetings, my fellow companions! Where might the attractive female populace of this fine planet be?"

*Stalks about in the shadows.*

Well, my fellow BFG's, the time is almost here to sign off for the day. This day will be my last for a while, as I'm going to be moving on to a different job and I have no idea when I'll be able to acquire Net access, so... until I return, y'all shoot some stuff for me, and have fun IRL

S'Long, and Thanks fer all the


::holsters his nailguns, mutters , and vanishes::

*still dazed in the smuldering pro shop*

*Watches Thog disappear ... Goes over and helps Mr. Christopher *

Why do things like this keep happening to you?

Never did see the fun in this golf thing, but what the heck ...
*Loads a 2 wood into his grenade launcher and takes a sighting down the fairway.*

*The club slices neatly through the flag, while the following grenade enlarges the hole and removes most of the green. Several nearby players dive for cover.*

Was I supposed to shout "Fore" or something first?

Why? Do you feel it was necessary Kes?

Mind you, I've heard that most ladies prefer a chap to place fore before play, irrespective of whether it involves shouting or not...

:: refrains from making jokes about birdies and hole-in-ones and the like ::

*considers himself an eagle, not a birdie*

*picks up a club and thrashes through a rough, refusing to beat around the bush*

*Watches Mr C's thrashing with an aloof detachment*

One almost feels sorry for the poor boy...

*Bends down and nonchalantly retrieves Mr C's golf ball and slips it into Pierce's *

The thing about golf that I dislike is that the holes are too small. If they had bigger holes it would be much easier.


*Removes a small thermonuclear device from her golf bag.*

This should take care of the problem....

There's probably a good reason why the holes aren't any wider ... or deeper ... Here on Io it could be something to do with the sub-surface volcanic activity .... mari-rae?

MARI-RAE?

Oh no! She's already put her earplugs in!

*Runs for cover but finds running with her fingers in her ears rather difficult *

:: chokes on golfball ::

*Hits Pierce in the back of the head, freeing the ball and playing through*

:: the ball goes hole-in-one ::

whoohoo, i get a free ferrari , i get a free ferrari , i get a free ferrari , i get a free ferrari , i get a free ferrari

*Hits small but potent thermonuclear device to the next green. It explodes into a very neat mushroom cloud. Then the ground begins to shudder.... trees start to topple.... the ground begins to split..... lava belches forth from the furious formenting fissures that crack the land and everybody runs screaming in chaotic helter skeltering panic and the barfridge begins to sweat....*




VOLCANO!!!!!!


I don't know where I'm going to go when the volcano blows!!!!

*Surveys the scene ...

Assesses the situation ....

Calculates risk avoidance and management strategies .....

Formulates suggested course of action to deal with current emergency ....*












We could skip the next few holes, and just do the back nine .....