h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Looks*

BOURBON! I knew it!

We'll leave the bourbon for them ...and take everything else. OK BFGs ... let's get busy Freemantling the bar ...a nice combination of freeloading and dismantling ...


Captain James Fremantle - sailed the brig Parmelia up into the Swan river ...

*Helps herself to the mantle shelf from over the fire place and prises the very expensive looking ruby from the golf cup winners' cup winner's cup thereon*

This will go rather well in my tummy button...

*Fiddles around with her jeans, jumper, thermal vest before turning to expose her newly liberated jewellery to her companions*

Whadjafink? No you can't have it to replace your eye patch Pierce! I saw it first!

*steals several doctor's prescription pads*

*Wanders by, carrying a large, clanking, cardboard carton.*

Nice selection of single malts they used to have here ...

single malt? make that a double!

Now that's just being plain greedy!

*Dives behind the bar and emerges with several bottles of vodka in a plastic carrier bag*

For medicinal purposes of course...

Does anyone know which way the kitchens are?

The kitchens were through that door back there .... but that part of the clubhouse has already been engulfed by the volcano. I hope the patrons like their food well done!


We should be moving, I think!

Moving? Oh right! Hot volcano type stuff...

Where to and what with?

*Looks outside for a suitable form of transport*

The space liner is still clear of the lava, which answers the second question .....
*Heads out of the clubhouse, carrying the boxful of whisky bottles ...*

:: grabs gwennie and runs after kes ::

was the earth moving for you too, dear?

*Looks around for something worthwhile to steal.... erm.... salvage. Spies a framed photo of Tiger Woods, autographed by same. Grabs the photo and runs for the spacecraft.*

Wait for me!!!

*Wishes that Pierce would have grabbed her somewhere less painful as she tries hard to keep up*

As it happens the earth is moving all too quickly for me!

*Reaches the liner, and climbs up the rope ladder with remarkable agility for someone holding a cardboard box full of bottles of single malt*

I'll get the thrusters warmed up ready for a quick departure. Somebody do a BFG headcount and a barfridge count!

*Climbs up the rope.*

I'm here! One, I mean...

*drops the framed photo down near the lip of the new volcano...*

Oh blast!

*Climbs down the rope, retrieves photo, climbs back up slightly singed....*

I'm here again! One! again... I guess that's two. *Laughs at her own wit and loses her balance and falls sliding down the rope crashing into Pierce who is struggling up the rope looking very red-faced and strained with Gwennie on his back. They all crash down to the cracking subsoil of Io.*

OOOmmpf! Ow! gerrroff me!

Gerroff YOU? Hah! How about you get your foot out of my ear instead Mari! And while you're at it, remove the 's wooden leg from that fissure before it catches fire!

Help! Fire!

*Throws a fire extinguisher over the side, vaguely hoping it won't land on anyone's head*

ouch! Hey, I see two barfriedges

*Grabs up the fire extinguisher and empties it into the volcano, but the blasted thing won't go out! Pushes Gwennie and Pierce up the rope and climbs after them.*

One two and three aboard. I don't know where Mr. Christopher has gone!! or the others!!!!

Mind who you're pushing Mari!

*Heaves herself on board, pulling herself up by the 's singed wooden leg*

It's amazing how well a one-legged can climb a rope when pressed...