h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ooh! It looks as though methane-inducing burgers are on the menu chaps!

*Hefts Kheldar's flame-thrower to her shoulder, takes aim and fires*

Take that!

*Falls over backwards onto Pierce, knocking him to the floor under her immense weight*

Oops! Pierce I hope that is that a gun in your pocket!

*Misses her targets and instead wipes out half the tables in the café*

It's probably the cardboard tube from a roll of loo paper with a sock rolled around it.

HEY!!! I see a with PINK GLOVES!!!! Does anybody have a wooden stake??

*Looks around frantically for a wooden stake. Spots the 's peg leg.*

Sorry, Pierce ol' buddy, ol' pal.... I'm just going to borrow your leg for a minute.

*Rips off the 's leg and leaps on top of the . Plunges the wooden leg through the foul heart of the . Removes bright pink gloves from the writhing form pinned beneath the wooden leg and pulls them onto her hands.*



*Waits for the <vampire to stop moving, and pulls Pierce's leg free from its body. Hands the leg, still dripping with fetid and evil gore back to the .*

Thanks, hon! Now if I had bright pink boots I'd really be happy!

:: pours a bottle of vodka from the bar over his leg in order to clean it ::

sorry about the , but a 's got to do what a 's got to do

:: grabs his blat-o-matic and fires at the enemy ::

*Decides not to put his drink down on the table, as the table isn't there anymore ....*
Who's been burning the furniture?

*Points toward Gwennie from behind her back...*

I have put in a call to an expert with flamethrowers. He should show up here any time now.

*Looks at the non-tables*
I think we need a carpenter as well ....

*Massacres a philedendron that was looking particularly annoying.*

Don't worry so much about putting your drink down. Throw the whole thing down the hatch and let's go get me some boots!!!

Alright ...
*looks at the gloves*
Just tell me we're not looking for PINK boots!
*Gets ready to down his drink in one*

*Doubles up her fist and shoves it under Kes's nose.*

Why? Don't you LIKE pink?

*Examines the gloved fist*
Now that I see it up close, I must admit it's rather a nice shade of pink .....

*Sees a gigantic girl wearing not a lot approach Kes from behind, her fangs about to stab him in the neck. *

eek! Look out!

*Leans on mari-rae, and launches a backwards karate kick. Turns round and looks at the recumbent vampire*
Fangs for the memories! )
Thanks mari - let's go liberate some boots!

I wonder if we should stick Pierce's leg into her - uh- her chest ?

:: loses his balance for a moment and accidentally stabs the prone ::

oops, well, now that's taken care of.

Phew, it took me a while to get abreast of the current situation..

Ok! Let's go shopping! We might find a braissere to duck into too!

(best I could do )

*Heads off into the depths of the Mall of the Universe, shooting up the potted plants as she goes. Finds a shoe store and enters. Demands pink boots to match her new pink gloves and pink crewcut. The salesman turns pale and nearly faints when he gets a glimpse of her shiny six shooters in their polished holsters around her waist. He makes excuses.*



He says he doesn't have any. What should we do with this guy??

Burn him alive?

<BB<

or, better yet: clean out his wine cellar?

ask him about the whereabouts of the nearest pink boot shoppe

*Sees the newest BFG fingering the trigger on his flamethrower. He has a kind of crazed look in his eye, so she decides to mooch on out of the shop in case things get hot, and look elsewhere for bright pink boots.*

Bluebottle, is that the latest Z4600 model flamethrower?

::hasn't quite figured out what's going on, but figures it probably doesn't much matter -- whips out his nailguns and starts shooting::


THRACKACKACKACKACKACKACKACKACKAAAAAAAA!!!!!
HRACKACACKAAAAAA!!!
THRACKA!
THRACK..... ACK.... ACK.... ACKACKACKACKACKAC KACKACKAAAAAAA!!!!!


::steps back and eyes the pile of thoroughly dead chipmunks he just blew hell out of.::

Um.... oops.