h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Speaking of which, what are we blasting right now?

Nothing at all Vid dearest...Sit down and enjoy a cold and relax your trigger finger(s).

*Watches as the local talent gives their table a wide berth and decides to drown her hurt and rejection in another *

They must all be blind or summat...

*Security cameras slowly pan around, searching for the BFGs throughout the Mall.*


*Staff quietly divert shoppers away from the area occupied by the BFGs*


*A waiter casually changes the small vase of flowers on Gwennie's table, then walks awy.*

::Thog, wandering past, sees the vase of flowers, remarks to himself on how ugly they are, and heaves them and the vase into a nearby trash bin. Wanders off again, not noticing the muffled *WHUMP* that comes from the trash bin, or the smoke pouring from around the closed lid::

Pardon you!

*Is of the opinion that the resounding *WHUMP* was Thog passing wind as a result of consuming too many burgers*

Does anyone have the feeling that we're being...watched?

When are we not being watched?

*waves to lurkers*

I've heard rumours that colonic irrigation is quite a good remedy for a bad case of intestinal wind Thog...

*Points to a nearby gardening retail outlet*

They might sell suitable lengths of garden hose in there and afterwards we could use it to hose those that are furtively watching us.

On second thought, Gwennie: Now that Keldar has left with his flamethrower those intestinal winds could be quite useful

Where is Kheldar BTW

Pierce!

I used to be the judge/referee on my elder brothers' setting-light-to-fart competitions at the tender age of nine.

That could explain a lot I suppose...

I've not "seen" the young gangly one known as Kheldar on hootoo for what seems like ages...

*The shops opposite are quietly and slowly pulling down their blast-proof shutters*

*As is usual, Gwennie fails to notice any significant goings-on/changes in her environment*

Where can we buy some tins of baked beans?

No. Bad idea.

We should return to our normal routine of blasting things with guns...it's far less destructive

Oh alright then...

*Relieves Pierce of Kheldar's flame thrower and struggles with all the pretty button things*

What do you think this one does?

*Holds the nozzle under a startled Vid's nose so he can take a closer look*

*Emerges from a nearby hair salon. Has a pink crewcut now. *

I need new gloves to match my hair. Gwennie! What is that smell?

Oh...just a bit of erm...methane methinks.

Nice hair by the way...It matches my new motorcycle ensemble (black leathers with vibrant pink helmet, gloves and boots).

*Begins walking down the causeway, looking for pink gloves, twirling her six shooters around her fingers as she goes and taking casual pot shots at annoying potted plants that have been set into tasteful arrangements to make shoppers believe that they are in some kind of peaceful garden or something.*

BAM! BAM! BAM!

Take that you descpicable fern!!!!

Gosh!

*Wonders whether Mari has PMT or just a case of bad indigestion*

nah, probably just a sideeffect of the chemistry used for dying her hair

could be useful, though. 'coz here come the

seek cover!