h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The catering!

Oh, of course, the three course meal for twenty, the "Special" meal for Mr. Creosote, and the round of luxury wafer thin mints.

And the laundry bill, and the steam cleaners for the carpet.

He bought me two large bottles of sherry.

*Gulps down the last slab of T in the H*
... and he definitely said he'd be buying me a large brandy to wash this lunch down with ....
*Attempts to burp discreetly. Fails, owing to the chemical composition of the T in the H.*

*Smoothes hair back into place and removes a few "items" after the burp*
I think that was about it. How were you intending to pay?

[X] Gratuitiously. [to Zero] Yep, Signas is DEFINITELY gonna complain.

[Zero] I'll cover half. It's a good thing I set up that private business of mine ...

[X] ... What private business was that?

[Zero] Uh ... Massage salon.

[X snickers, then takes out his Maverick Hunter-issue credit card. Zero does likewise.]

[X] Uh, do you take 21XX yen?

*dreaming pleasantly (and coincidentally) about Fillies the Earl shouts loudly in his sleep*

TALLY-HO !!!

*wakes himself up with a start and a snort*

Wha ?

*jumps out of seat, startled at the Earls waking call*
OH, while you are still here, I'll have another ta!

*helpfully*

Hallo Mr. Lucan. You've been passed out a while -- looked like your horse threw you or something. Anyway, the rest of your party brought you in here and left before the bill was paid, but these two gentlemen here *cutting her eyes to X and Zero* are settling on your behalf. Erm, you might like to freshen up, you have a lot of dirt and leaves all over you...

*aside to Munchkin* Did he eat or drink anything while he was unconscious?

Well old boy I'd normally be delighted to partake of the finest ale the locality can provide with you but I'm afraid we haven't been introduced you see. Bit dodgepot if you ask me that's thats the mores and conventions of the society we live in what !

*doffs hat to Lil* Forgive me ma'am - unconscionably rude of me but I do believe I am feeling the aftereffects of a nasty fall I had a while back. It's made me come over all .......

Well...now i'm up, I think I'll nick a or two...the sleeping barman won't notice...

I don't think he di ... oh, now you come to mention it, he may well have had a few light ales.
Now then, is that one of the cards my machine takes? Never actually tried it, credit not beign the sort of thing my clientele can normally get hold of.
*Roots around under the bar and comes up with a very dusty credit card swiping machine. Gives it a couple of experimental swipes. It squeaks just like a nail on a blackboard.*
Noe then, if you would just sign here please.

So what happened, Mr. Lucan?

[X and Zero each sign for half.]

*Pockets the sheet, grinning like the Cheshire Cat* A pleasure doing business with you gentlemen.

*Kes ponders silently ... It's been years since he saw a credit card "whip-whop" machine like that in operation ... but wasn't Munchkin supposed to give the customer one copy of the paperwork?*

*Returns the credit card doohickey to its rightful place and allows himself a in quiet celebration*

[Zero] [regarding Lucan's prone, ing form] Should we carry him out?

[X] Might as well.