h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

LANORE: Someone has entered the hangar.

RED: On screen

~A screen pops down out of the ceiling of the cargo area where Red and Black are standing. It shows Irving Washington wandering around mindlessly in the hangar~

RED: hmmm... He's probably still wounded and disoriented from his bump on the head earlier. Perhaps we could take him. No one will notice he's missing until it's too late.

~Exiting the cloaked ship, Red appears to the blue skinned navigator to appear suddenly from thin air. Red's left hand holds a blaster pistol, aimed at Washington's head~

I'm afraid you wandered into the wrong part of the station, friend.

/Red

Oops. Well, while I'm here, I don't suppose you have any asprin, do you? No? Darn. Okay. I'll just be leaving now, if you'll put that gun away. . .

~Irving

Will all crew members of the Crater Labs fleet report to your stations. Take off will begin shortly.

*also steps out of the ship next to Red and Irving*

*hollow voice talking so that Irving doesn't hear*

Did you hear that? They are leaving already. I doubt that we have time for taking their ships any more. Should we just settle for this navigator for now?

Do you know what their next stop is?

Then navigator will know. Put him in the cargo hold. Then see what you can do about ship number six. I'm going after number seven. They're not going to be able to take off for a while -- their leadir is not even online currently! Just remember we want the crew alive. Hostages are good.

~Leaves Irving and Black behind and runs to the hangar where CLS#6 (Crater Labs Ship Number Six) has just finished loading it's cargo and is preparing for take off. Gaining entrance to the ship through the not yet secured cargo hold is easy. He soon has the crew assembled at gunpoint in their galley~

Alright. Faces against the wall, arms behind your heads.

~As they comply he reaches down to his belt for some Duct Tape, the second most indestructable substance in the known universe~

Who's the captain here? Turn around.

~The captain complies and Red tosses him the tape~

Bind your crew's hands and feet with this.

~As Red doesn't seem to be messing around with that weapon, the captain is forced to comply. Red binds the captain's limbs himself, uplinks the ships controls to Lanore's system, leaves the ship, and orders Lanore to impose a security lockdown CLS#6's systems so that the heros don't try any heroics. Red returns to his own ship, to find Lt. Black has left, pressumably for CLR#7~

/Red

*As Red leaves, Lt. Black forces Irving into the Raven, ties him and locks him in the cargo hold. Starts running for CLS#6 but notices that Red is already taking care of it. Continues to the next hangar finding it almost empty. It seems that the crew of CLS#7 either hasn't heard that they should soon be leaving or is just being lazy. Black sneaks into the ship, knocks out the guard and links the ship to Lanore. Before deciding whether to wait for the rest of the crew they arrive, looking unwilling to work. Black hides inside until they have loaded the cargo and steps out of the shadows. The surprised crew is soon tied up and locked in with the cargo. Black locks the ship and gets quickly back to hangar #13 finding Red already there waiting.*

*hollow voice*

Mission accomplished, Commander. Can I now interview the navigator? *grin*

*A message beeps on The Raven's machine*


Hey, guys. We at the Mangar would like to know if you'd like to come over for milk & cookies. Oh, we're also wondering if you've seen our sixth and seventh ship, or our chief navigator. If so, could you tell us please? Thanks.

*hollow voice*

Milk and cookies? Who do they think we are?

The villains of our story who are working for STUMPED which is under hire by a warlock from Zork to keep the peace treaty from getting to H2G2 and then back to Zork.

Well, obviously they know who we are. I wonder if the milk and cookies could be a crafty trick?

~into microphone~
No, I haven't seen your navigator, nor your ships. Perhaps they've been taken captive by some criminal masterminds, or else undergone Spontaneous Massive Existance Failure. This sort of thing happens during space travel.

~whispers to Lt PiB so that Affy can't hear~
We don't want to tip our hand too soon. We'll let them know about our hostages soon enough.

~into microphone~
I suppose we could manage some time for milk and cookies, if you could arrange a neutral territory for us to meet on. Is there an Aroma Café or an F&F in this space station? You'll understand my caution, us being arch-nemisises and all.

~turns off mic while waiting for response. Turns to Lt. PiB~

Good job, Lieutenant! I hearby promote you to Captain. Captain Black, I salute you!

/Red

*The Raven's device beeps again*

Davius the Logic Warrior wishes to inform you that you _are_ criminal masterminds.

They're using logic against us! That diabolical Davius must be some sort of Vulcan. Oh what could be worse?


Agent Ampton has been captured, Commander. Your untraceable bug has remained untraced however. The Crater Labs crew is getting anxious about they're missing ships, and navigator.


Navigator? Oh! Irving. Yes, Captain Black, perhaps you should procede with the interregation. Now remember -- nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

/Red

*groans*

*Muffled voices from other end of microphone*

Affy-Well, I supose their might be an outlet of the Aroma Cafe on the Risa Space Station. But only Irving would know for sure . . . hang on, lemme check my ship's computer . . .

*Tense silence*

Okay, there is one, but no forumhas started there. We'd need a brand new forum. Any volunteers to start it?

*Is terrified that he'll have to actually go through all of that button pushing*

Ugh. Alright. I'll get the key off of Ir... I mean, I think I found the key to the Café. Irving must have dropped it. The door is at: http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=35868&thread=55503

We should have it all to ourselves.

/Cmdr Red

I've just learned that I've been spelling our ship's computer's name wrong. It should be Lenore, not Lanore. Sorry.

This thread shall continue at http://www.h2g2.com/F35868?thread=57091&post=420389