h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Wakes from his slumber - after all the surgery to remove most of the bjorg implants, he now looks like a cross between John McEnroe and Kryten from Red Dwarf*

hhmmm where is everybody? Where is Checkout? What is this strange device?

*refering to the communicator on the uniform provided by Eomando - presses down on it*

Captain??? Captain??? Can I be of any assistance?

*Uses optical scanners to analyse some marks on the floor*

hhmm someone with very large feet had to run out of here very fast...

*Trudges in*

Seven-Of-Up! There you are! Look, I need your help to fight off the Bjorg. I've got a great plan, but there is an infinitessimal chance that it would be deadly for you. However, enough of your Bjorg implants have been removed, so I think you will survive. Is that alright?

*A screen saver starts at the other end of the ship. Just thought you would like to know*

Sure - my Bjorg past has left me with no fear of death and I will sacrifice myself in any kind of wierd and stupid manner...

But as you removed most of my memories of the collective then I retract what I just said...

But still, I will help you

*still trying to get used to these silly human things like emotions, opinions, requests, etc...*

*Quorn dashes over to console and mucks about with the pink iced eclairs*

Errrr.... This is not good people.... That Deathstar thing has dematerialized, but I've got a big unknown patch on the sensors...

*Looks around for Captain Boy*

And when will I get my donut???

Hmm...you're right...if we're just in a rather big holodeck, then we could fire our way out...

What's this other plan...?

*Removes floppy disk from pocket, and finds a suitable port. Puts disk into slot.*

Okay, Seven-Of-Up, you may feel some slight discomfort, but I need you to download it. And also, this . . .

*Puts a small headset on Seven-Of-Up. Watches as Seven-Of-Up finishes download, and realizes that he is once again part of the collective*

I'm . . . I'm sorry, but . . . but I think that this is the only way. Once the virus begins taking effect, I'll remove you from the Bjorg Collective.

*Flips on log-making-device-thingie*

Science Officer's Log, stardate . . . okay, I've no idea what the stardate is. I've just downloaded a virus that contains A) a virtual reality simulation of the U.S. Open (Bjorg never could seem to win those), and, in the event that that doesn't work, a regular virus that should do just fine. Awaiting results.

*Turns off machines. Turns on moniter, and watches the image on the viewscreen. Is the screen fuzzier than before? Or is it just his imagination?*

I can hear the collective again - what is this human doing - NO must keep hold of my human side, I hope this guy knows what he is doing

*E watches Seven of Up with her fingers crossed...waiting for something to happen...

http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=33797&thread=44466

*Moniters Seven-Of-Up's progress. Decides to risk giving a little help*

Hope this doesn't give you a future case of split-personality disorder, Seven.

*Pushes a red button. Notices Seven snap all the way back to contiousness*

Seven, I think that this should allow you to hear the collective, as well as directly communicate with me via your human self. How are the Bjorg taking the U.S. Open? I think that they're having trouble with their systems.

*Looks at Seven hopefully*

Oh, and if you can communicate with them, tell CO that I plan on taking care of him. Personally.

*Wonders how he knew that CO was a Bjorg, even though he'd never seen that fact before*

http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=33797&thread=44466

This isn't interesting, you primates are not interesting.
Im going to study the blue thingys on argroin 5
*flash and a bad smell of eggs later, Z dissappears out of the series*
(Sorry guys i though it would be fun having a Q type being on the The Esirpretne...
sorry for any conveniences)