h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

~Security cameras have no doubt already noticed a suspiciously-shaped shadow lurking in a corner~

[Anyone with magical ability will be able to sense someone invisible nearby said shadow]

<The Lt. has slipped into the shadows, undetected by the cameras, he taps into the camera and jurry rigs a system that will show an infinite loop of the long dark hallway, that finished he activates his IR Goggles and moves quickly down the hallway, MP5 in hand and German H&K PSG-1 sniper rifle strapped to his back>

*Behind him scurries a small mouse. Not an ordinary mouse, mind you, but a very sophisticated securi-mouse. The mouse has already alerted the main computer regarding the camera tampering and about the shadow in the corner. Another mouse has been dispatched to watch that shadow. Although the intruder's intentions seem hostile, the alert is only a yellow one, since this part of CLI is not particularly sensitive. The restricted area of CLI is virtually impregnable, so there are no worries there, but nevertheless, intruders should be dealt with.

The main computer dispatches some securibots to the general area, but on standby only. It is worth knowing the intruders objective before apprehending him.

[The invisible young summoner considers using the Force to read the minds of the other intruders, except that his double agent has reported positively that they are definitely trying to catch Affy.]

*Affy watches the goings-on from a security feed from Securimouse 1, safely secure in the Impossible To Breach sectors of CLI*

Oh dear. I bet Stephanie's still got that bounty on my head. Hey, wait,....Stephanie put the bounty on my head. But didn't she....

*Taps a communicator on his watch*

Chesworth, check the brig to see if we've really got Stephanie and Tusk.

*Turning off the communicator, Affy ponders*

This is what I get for not checking prisoners....

*A fool, dressed in motley, stumbles around the hallway. He is lost, and has trouble reading the map GL gave him in this darkness. He lights a match in order to see the map more clearly*

Hmmm... Maybe I took a wrong turn at the security room.

*The flame leaps from the match to the map, destroying Arl's hope of finding his way, but definately giving off a deal more light. Arl uses it as a torch to get his bearings*

Hey, what's that ominous, black-clad, mercinary-type person doing sneaking around. Looks like he's disabled a gaurd!

*Arl sneaks up to the ominous, black-clad, mercinary-type person and taps him on the shoulder*

Excuse me, sir, but do you know if there's a restroom on this floor? I'm incredably lost, and in incredable pain...

third door on the left, and oh, I was never here

< when the fool turns back from looking where the Lt was pointing he finds that the Lt has dissapeared>

*locates a securi-mouse, picks it up and speaks into it*

Hey, Affy and GL, there's some guy wandering about. He looks ominous. He told me to tell you he wasn't here.

[YK, using Jedi speed, slips past Yowuzupman. He gets to the end of the hall and turns to face Yo. It is at this point that his "Vanish" spell wears off.]

[YK] D'OH!

Really? Hmmm. That's odd.


You know, Yow, I'm not sure if you've ever noticed this, but GL and I are the only living people that work at CLI. A trank dart would have no effect on a securi-bot, so I'll just have to make the most of this one....


Hey, look at that guy slumped over there!

*Affy runs over and searches the mans pockets, and does a quick scan of DNA, eye retinas, and fingerprints*

Well, I'll be! This is a secret Madagascarian Nationalist, who broke out of prison just last month, swearing that he would destroy CLI for designing the security system that captured him! If he hadn't been stopped, CLI could've easily been demolished with this vital piece of information that I've found in his pocket!

*Waves around a mysterious looking parchment, before tearing it into little bits and swallowing it*

Guards, find the one who did this!

*Mere hours later, in the front yard of CLI with several news anchors standing around and lots of police, Affy slaps Yow on the back*

You know, I thought that I'd gotten this guy all figured out. And then, next thing you know, he shows up, and disarms a potential threat to the world! Then, he tells the first witness not to tell anyone that he saw him! Isn't that modest, ladies and gentlemen?

*The crowd resounds its agreement*

And so, I'm here to present this Unsung Hero Of The Month award to Yowuzupman! Now, I'm sure that the members of STUMPED might give Yow a hard time for this, but hey, it's a small price to pay for showing how a little bit of good can go a long way. And now, I must bid you all a good day.

*With that, Affy runs in, and slams and locks the door, leaving Yowuzupman outside, surrounded by lots of police*



















Okay, okay, I know that I can't do that. But could we at least take away the "guard", since he never existed, except for that continuity-bending post above?

Gawd! The bloomin' guards dissappeared. Like he was never there to begin with! *Memory check* Oh yeah, he never was there.

The mercinary guy is still seems suspicious to me.

Meanwhile, mere nanoseconds have passed since YK said:


[YK] D'OH!

ok lets fix this then, the guard is a bot, the trank darts are no longer trank darts but EMP bullets that disabled the bot and the Lt. is still running around in the vent shafts for the time being. Yo is on the surface repairing the ship and the Lt is in this forum

[Dylan walks in and dumps Continuity Bleach on the forum, cleaning off any stains in continuity. YK is still invisible, for one thing.]

~The man in the shadows coughs slightly, then skirts around Arlecchino and heads for the nearest door. He breaks the lock and opens the door, slipping inside CLI and looking for the security room~

[YK sneaks in front of the man in the shadows, still invisible. He prepares to block his path, but the Vanish spell wears off]

[YK] D'OH!

*Two beepers go off on Affy's watch. One is just to notify him that a lock opened. He glances over and sees GL, and instantly knows that this lock should not have been opened. The other is a result of a securant in the shafts, reporting that a suspicious character is wandering around*

Oh, goodie. Garius, we've got a few serious breaches, here. No danger of them penetrating the back rooms, of course, but we've got some serious spatial problems. The Leuitenant is definitely in one of the four towers, because it's the only place with elevators, other than the elevator to Asteroid Lil's place that is located almost exactly ten feet above our heads. As for this other character, whoever he or she is, they're heading towards, of all places, the Rec Room. We can't let them steal our supply of mobius donuts, Garius. It'll be *hours* before the next shipment from Joanna's Donut Stall comes in! Meanwhile, I'm ordering a total lock-down of the towers. There's absolutely nothing of value in them. Maybe they could damage a few of my experiments, but nothing up there can't be found in my recently published textbook "How To Break The Laws Of Physics", available in most retail stores in the Pan Dimension for the miniscule cost of seventy Trillion American Dollars per copy. Those Pans. They were so ripped off. I would've solled the stuff I put in there for 29.99 if I thought they weren't so naive.

And now, off to the rec room to deal with the shadowy figure!

*Darts in the direction of the Rec Room*


Just out of curiosity, has anyone other than GL and myself actually looked at the official map of CLI?