h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

-or things my mother never told me (Not that anyone ever pays attention to their elders' advice, normally, but my life would have been easier in several ways if I'd known then what I know now).
For example, however much you love the man, do not put all your money into a joint account or (less shatteringly) do not put the negatives and your holiday snaps in the same suitcase,Do not put the kettle on to boil before you go down the garden to empty the rubblish.
So, please add your hard-won advice here so that I do not have to go through the same horrible experiences that you have had.

*thinks*
- A distance relationship is much harder work.
- Overdrafts and credit cards need to be paid off someday.
- Unsolicited advice is nearly never as well recieved as you might hope.
- The chasis of a Land Rover is mild steel, whereas the bodywork is aluminium. Just because it doesn't look like a rust bucket doesn't mean that it isn't.


*unfortunately I mostly forget the lesson as soon as the pain subsides. I am famous for having walked into a lamppost twice through innattention*

The tax system is unfair...
You pay for your mistakes and you pay for their mistakes. Check everything to do with the revenue at least twice

Fit a smoke alarm and make sure it works. I almost learned the hard way: it saved my life within a week

When travelling by air with a baby, bring the powdered milk as hand luggage. Don't put with the rest of the luggage where it can get lost.

Never hammer a tent peg into the ground until you are sure of the location of underground water pipes.

Never talk about your own children more than about your friend's children.

The most important line of code in any program is the comment.

Leopards very rarely change their spots (being extra fair there because I sure somebody knows someone that has).

Think before you post....

Don't enter cemeteries after the posted closing hours.
Remove stains before doing the laundry.
Don't drink Long Island Iced Teas, Gin and Tonics, and Key Lime Pies all in the same evening.
The bigger the lie, the more likely it is that you're gonna get caught...

Never EVER answer this question honestly
"Do I look fat in this?"

Some candles taste really foul.

Dont eat yellow snow
Dont lend Pavarrotti your favourite jumper

Don't start something you can't finish.......Experts charge more for fixing your mistakes.

Think before opening your mouth......Or try to when you have had a few sherbets!!

'G'

...Giving someone all the love you possess is not enough to earn their love.

...Try not to repeat your mistakes, but if you feel you HAVE TO in order to get the point across to yourself, go ahead...

...Expect as little as possible from your closest friends and your family, that way you can be AWFULLY delighted when they take care of you.

...Kitties sometimes run away, and grandfathers and fish only have so long of a lifespan, but if you love them while they are sharing the earth with you, you'll be better for it, and so will they.

...Postage is easily spent on sending mail to the wrong people.

...The right people are usually the ones right under your nose who encourage you to follow your heart, even if that means you have to break theirs and your own...

The closer you are to the person who offers you free money, the more it will cost if you take it.

Encourage your loved ones not to smoke

Never stick your head in a lions mouth and repeatedly tap it on the nose with your index finger.

Never smoke a cigarette whilst sitting in a filled oil barrel

some experiences sound really horrible. I wonder how did you success to survive...

Yes, perhaps we need a few more lighter ones:eg,do not go outside the front door to get better reception on the mobile unless you have the house keys in your pocket.

Check your shoes match *before* you leave the house