h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The story goes that Santa Claus (and he used to be called Father Christmas in my day) will sneak into houses on Xmas eve through the chimney and leave presents for the good children.

We needed to leave him a carrot for Rudolph his red nosed reindeer and a mince pie for Santa to eat and a glass of the favourite local alcoholic beverage for him to drink.

Today many homes do not have open chimneys, so what am I supposed to do for Santa/Father Christmas in the modern world?

Should I leave a window open even though it is the bleak midwinter and we might all die of the cold before we open our presents?

Does Santa still eat and drink the same things. Especially drink, is he allowed to drink and drive?

Perhaps he has outsourced the tedious business of delivering presents these days and the parcels will arrive (or not as the case may be) by the post.

If a large, fat man can get into a room through a narrow chimney flue (typically 6 inches wide), he should have no problem navigating through keyholes, mouseholes, electrical sockets etc. You don't need to leave a window open.

If you had some lichen, you could probably leave it out for Rudolph, since that is what reindeers eat, but failing that, a nice carrot would still go down a treat. Particularly impressive if the carrot is found in the morning with a big bite taken out of it.

A few depictions that I have seen would have Santa bringing the chimney and fireplace with his innate magic. So ingress and egress is always a done thing. Snackings, well, as it is up to the reindeer to lead ... Nothing fermented for them, please?

we don't have a chimney,
so we told that santa has a magical doorway,

there will of course be a mince pie but I think he's getting to drink because we don't have any alcohol
the of course get a carrot

I always pointed out that if Father Christmas can driving a flying sleigh and reindeer then he can have no problems with getting into the required place to deposit the asked for presents.

Excerpt from a article concerning
the Mongolian chimney hole tradition:


>>
Climbing Down the Chimney Bearing Gifts

Siberian shamans live in tepee-like structures made of reindeer skin, called yurts, with a roof supported by a birch pole and a smokehole at the top. At the midwinter festivals of Annual Renewal, the shaman gathers the fly agaric from under sacred trees. Interestingly, whilst harvesting the toadstools, the shaman wears special attire, consisting of red and white fur-trimmed coats and long black boots ie, very much like the modern day depiction of Santa Claus. He then enters his yurt through the smokehole, carrying a sack full of dried fly agaric, and descends the birch pole to the floor. Once inside, the shaman performs his ceremonies and shares out the toadstool's gifts with those gathered inside. Following this, he leaves up the pole and back through the smokehole.

It is interesting to note that, in central Europe, the fly agaric has been adopted as the symbol of chimney sweeps. <<



~jwf~

Have you not heard of santa's magic key, it fits all doors or windows.

Emmily

You can even *buy* a magic key for Santa, which you leave outside somewhere for him to use. I imagine he would post it back through the letterbox afterwards.

We generally leave out a glass of Bailey's as I happen to have inside information that this is his favourite drink. Sometimes we leave carrots. We have in the past also left a bowl of water for the reindeer but I would not advise this unless you have potted plants nearby. It's quite hard to drink from a bowl, particularly if you've just had a generous glass of Bailey's.

Mol

I don't think I do have any lichen. There is plenty of that moss stuff that grows on the paths and walls. Perhaps Rudolph would like that. If so we have wasted perfectly good carrots all these years.

I don't have any Baileys available. And unless they sell it in Santa portions Santa will need to make do with something similar to its raw ingredients. I wasn't told that Baileys was Santas favourite drink when I was young but I don't think it was invented back then.

Don't mention Baileys, I've got three bottles of it (cheap nice imitation) and I can't drink any of it along with a few different drinks to try, some bottles of snowball, mini bottles of wine, miniture bottle of malibu, a bottle of bucks fizz, I'm on double dose of anitbiotics for tooth abcess, just started taking them today, can't drink for just over a week, no drink for Christmas or New Year but at least I won't be in pain anymore just very very sober...

What I have got is lots of

Emmily

Poor Emmily It's no fun being poorly at any time but especially not now.

Santa might prefer a change from Baileys when he visits other houses

Osh was very concerned yesterday that Santa might get nicked for drink-driving, what with all this Baileys and stuff. We pointed out that *nobody* would want to be the policeman responsible for arresting Santa. Just as we always have tidy bedrooms on Christmas eve, because we don't want to be the house where Santa breaks his leg and can't finish the round.

Mol

I do like your child management tactics, Mol. I am your awed grasshopper. Of course, Father Christmas is getting the Star to clean his teeth at the moment. Santa is particularly against giving presents to children with dirty teeth.

No worries Mol, when everyone else has finished their Christmas & New year drinks, I'll just be starting mine.

And, up to last weekend I'd drank a bottle of Baileys (cheap imitation) every weekend. Recently, I've had none left for Sundays, having drunk it all Friday & Saturday night.

Emmily

That might explain the toothache!