h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Talking of flourenscent paper the Do Not Attempt Resussitation forms at our hospital using to be on bright orange paper - until we ran out of bright orange paper, and then they were liliac for a while, and now they're looking for more coloured paper. Which rather takes away the point of having a nice noticeable form.

The American firm I used to work for had an intranet site where you could write a bit about yourself ... they were very clear to mention that it *wasn't* a CV system. There were various preallocated boxes to tell people about your work and job ... here are some of the lowlights:

My Role
"is usually ham. Occasionally I have cheese, and if I'm feeling a bit bohemian I'll go for chicken. I bring my own pair of baps wrapped in foil and for fun other members of my department try to guess what I've got for lunch."

Outside Experience
- In 1987, I worked for £1.20 per hour as an attendant at a local sports centre. Generally this would involve putting out badminton posts, clearing up the weights room and spending a couple of hours playing with the floor polisher (that's a machine, not a girl).
- I spent a week working at a tea & coffee company. I made tea in the tea-tasting department and failed to answer the phone in a professional manner.

Keywords Related to My Experience
• Over-enthusiastic.
• Self-depreciating.
• Varied.

Applications
• Microsoft Excel. My favourite function is the VLOOKUP.
• Power DVD. I especially like the ability to take 'Still' images.
• Tomb Raider II & III. I'm still to complete the latter ...

Languages
• English (fluent).
• Ich spreche eines kleines Deutsch.
• Et un petit peu Francais.
• I orso speak Ostralian, maaate.

Other
• I possess a number of other skills that are useful in many different situations.
• I have an innate capacity for spotting spelling and grammatical errors in writting (sic).
• My timekeeping is exceptional. I find myself able to start on the stroke of 9am and finish exactly on the 5pm bell.
• My teamwork in collecting teas and coffees from the vending machine is exceptional.

After it got emailed around the company, I received emails from New York, Luxembourg, Australia, the other end of the building telling me how funny it was and congratulating me on it ... strangely management didn't feel it was quite as fun as they considered sacking me ... but hey when was work ever meant to be fun ...

Not married.

Interests include internet and travel, particularly to the far east.

PP

*snigger*

I have to admit I've put 'Intramuscular injections to reptiles' on my list of competencies as a talking point. I can do lots of other necessary procedures though.

I had a chuckle about number 43 as well, putting that on your CV is likely to get you a visit from the boys in blue
Goes along the same lines as wondering if Baden-Powell would have his collar felt for having published a book called "Scouting for boys" on his CV.

Phrases you rarely see on CVs?

"At weekends, my name is Samantha"
"Satan is my master"
"I can speak Klingon"
"My religion forbids speaking in the hours of daylight"

"I have a fascinating complete collection of Wickes and Argos catalogues, spanning over 25 years"

I manage to keep my interest in knives under control. Usually.

PP

".... in accordance with the prophecy"