h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just seen once for Oxford Notebooks (paper notepads), their "boast" is they contain crisp white paper that you can write on both sides.

Call me old fashioned but hasn't most paper always had that feature?
Do they think we're such tech cretins we've forgotten that tiny fact?

The brochure for the hotel I'm currently staying at goes on and on and on about its five-star carpet.

Never mind that it's cheap and badly built, we should love it because it has carpet!

What is a five star carpet anyway. Is that really really *deep* shag pile?

Nah, it has a higher class of mites livng in it.

As for the paper, perhaps they are going on most people these days getting used to cheap/thin paper (photocopier reams etc) and being able to use both sides neatly and cleanly IS something of a premium product feature nowadays...

Perhaps it's just an excuse to use the magic words "5 stars". The carpet probably does have that rating (use durability rating, fire retardant, ....) such is honesty in advertising

Can it fly though?

Laser Eye Surgery - because it doesn't give you laser eyes

Because if it did you could work for the manufacturers of Jordan's crunchy cereal stuff where they cook it by eye (laser eyes?)

What is it called???...Dulcoease or something like it.
"softens hard stools"
wonder if it will work on a computer chair?
.
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I wouldn't mind having a ride in that insurance Co.'s "complementary courtesy car"
obviously a car with a dialogue:"you're looking smart today, new suit? Please, take my seat."

Currently looking at new car insurance ... on the leaflet for Sainsburys, one of the benefits of the policy is:

"Stolen car key cover, we’ll replace your keys and locks if the person who has your keys knows the identity or location of your car"

I'm struggling to imagine a scenario where you wouldn't know who the 'thief' is, and therefore get them arrested and your keys returned.

Also they have:
"Up to £200 cover on any Sainsbury's shopping you lose in an accident or as a result of fire and theft whilst it's in your car"

Odds on that happening? Odds on shopping costing more than my excess?

Speaking of car insurance brings me to a pet gripe and Direct Line
is one of the biggest culprits.
They offer those deals to new customers, twelve months for the price
of ten for instance.
What do loyal customers get? Increased premiums.
Checking my policy today and discovered that they have sneaked in
the line, "we will automatically renew your policy when it's due".
Likeyou will!

Yes ... I've got that ... finally this year the slowly rising premiums couldn't avoid being noticed ... £250 compared to the £205 when I started with them in 2006. My car is a year older (and shittier), I'm a year older and more experienced at driving what do I get for it ... rising premiums ... hmmm.

Well ... their auto-renew won't work as the credit card details they have for me are wrong. The really cheeky bit is that they even slotted in a £5 admin charge for doing my renewal!

Anyway, I've never been scared to move around ... I always check out 2-3 alternative companies each year ... so it is now time to move ... I've been quoted as cheap as £159 ...

So all in all they're business practices have done me a favour.

The new advert warning about "Drug Driving" that makes it sound like the police can arrest anyone if their pupils are dilated. Good luck defending THAT rule in court when you arrest a Glaucoma patient then, they'll take you for every penny you have on wrongful arrest.

I recommend all police aware of this law stay away from Hospitals & Eye Clinics. Unless they fancy looking REALLY stupid.

As I recall, the ad shows young people driving around at night. Your pupils naturally dilate in the dark - it lets in more of what little light is available. There has to be more to the 'test' than that.

Maybe they don't constrict as quickly if light is shone in them....

All of the adverts for any sort of mascara really irk me. They're all claiming that they'll make your lashes look X amount longer then i the teeniest print at the bottom of the screen it says; So and so was filmed with lash inserts.
The whole advert is therefore mad redundant because if the products actually did make your lashes look longer and more radiant, then they wouldn't need the inserts.

Maybe it's like ice creams? Apparently they never use the real stuff in ice cream adverts, because it would melt under the spots.

Costa coffee: '7 out of ten coffee drinkers prefer our coffee' or something like that.

Yes. And where were these people when you asked them? Somehow i don't think it was a random poll on the street.

<>

outside starbucks

Again, the small print on that advert gives it away: it's 7 out of 10 people prefer Costa coffee to Starbucks coffee. Well, that's understandable - Starbucks coffee tastes like shit. Anyone else's coffee would taste good in comparison. The reason most people go to Starbucks isn't to drink coffee - it's to drink a sugary hot milkshake with chocolate on top.

RF

I always think Costa coffee is well named. It certainly does Costa, does Costa coffee.