h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A friend is trying to put together as many Valentine's Day poems as possible to put onto one of those huge cards. But there's a twist - they have to include cabbages and it would be good to mention an "event" that he's arranging on the day. Don't ask, I don't really understand either.

The best he has can come up with is:

My love is like a cabbage,
Divided into two.
The leaves I give to others,
The heart I keep for you.

My love is like a green, green cabbage
That's newly sprung in June
There's a secret event on Valentine's Day
You're going to find out soon.

Anyone want to have a go?

I love you like my Brussels sprouts,
You're bitter, yet delicious.
At times you taste like sauerkraut,
But you are not as vicious.
You are like a curly Kale
Best to be enjoyed with ale.
So here's to you, red cabbage mine:
A great surprise at Valentine
Is waiting just for you.
The cabbage is the clue.

It doesn't keep the rhythm, so I guess it would be better when slightly changed:

I love you like my Brussels sprouts,
You're bitter, yet delicious.
At times you taste like sauerkraut,
But you are not as vicious.
My love is like a curly kale
And best to be enjoyed with ale.
So here's to you, red cabbage mine:
A great surprise at Valentine
Is waiting just for you.
The cabbage is the clue.

I think that reads better.

I think you've just ruined next week's Stretcher competition.

My love is true
Mon petit chou

I'm just on my way to submit it there.

Oh, effervescent cabbage leaf, oh iridescent poppy!
You turn the heads of half the town
But it's turned you proud and stroppy!

More precious than the purest gold, more prized than ale so hoppy,
So long as I put a few slug pellets down,
Thanks to you, nothing ever goes floppy!

I want to peel off your clothes
like the leaves off a cabbage.
Let's do that after *The Event*.

There, straight forward?
Y.

Roses are red
Cabbages are green
I love you so much
I will give you my spleen



Have Fun

I have never been so compelled to click on a thread as I was with this..... top stuff.

Nothing constructive to add mind.....

FB

Oh good grief!

There was a young man with a cabbage
With a problem that would have troubled Babbage
For he wanted to say
In a roundabout way
That his love was heading for marriage!


TRiG.

Like FB, I was intrigued but uninspired!

Marvellous cabbage stuff though!

Maybe we could have a weekly competition to come up with the most intriguingly titled thread?

FB

My love for you is like a cabbage,
It's leafy and plant-y and green.
I don't know if plant-y's a word,
But I'm sure you know what I mean.
This poem stopped being funny,
Somewhere round 'bout line two.
So sorry for this cabbage poem,
I hate this but I love you.

These are brilliant

A head of cabbage grows so big
In a bed at the foot of my garden
But I have another bed you know
(My forwardness you'll pardon)
Its head is lonely and its foot
Is waiting for some joy
So let's meet up and bring along
A jolly great Savoy

Shall I compare thee to a cabbage heart?
Thou art more veined, laced with sulphur rare
Rough winds do shake the roof when I fart
And, like them, you hang upon the air...

B

We're forgetting the "Event", aren't we?



A plan I have for you
And brassicas too.
What is the grand event?
What could be my intent?
You'll find out on the day.
Till then you'll have to pray
That the cabbage's heart
Is as loved as yours, tart.

TRiG.

O once I lov'd a bonie cabbage,
Aye, and I love it still;
And whilst that virtue warms my breast,
I’ll love my handsome cabbage.

Wasn't there something in one of Lewis Carrol's 'Alice' books...
Maybe it was Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumber that speculated on sealing wax and something something and 'cabbages and kings'.

Because lettuce and cabbage are among the few veg shaped like a human head (an therefore called heads of lettuce and heads of cabbage) it is not surprising that cabbage at least got associated with Kings.

~j~