h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've got a bit of a dilemma.

My surname (not 'Fisch'!) is strongly associated with a particular racial/ethnic group. I don't consider myself to belong to that group, and members of that group would not consider me part of that group. I do have forebears who were in that group, through my paternal grandfather - hence the surname. For the sake of this posting, I'm going to pretend it's an Italian name, though it isn't.

Shortly before Christmas, I went for a blood test at the local doctor's surgery. The nurse or healthcare assistant who stuck the needle in me said something broadly analogous to "with a name like that I'd expect you to own a chain of pizza restaurants."

It was an attempt at making conversation, which is common practice to try to relax or distract the patient. It wasn't nasty, malicious, or deliberately racist, but it was inappropriate and could have been offensive.

I was surprised rather than offended, and didn't say or do anything at the time - it's rather difficult with a needle in your arm. I told the story to a few friends as a kind of joky 'how wildly inappropriate was this!?' story, but I'm now wondering whether I should contact the surgery about it. I *wasn't* offended, but it was a potentially offensive remark, albeit entirely unintentional.

On the one hand, I think I should probably write a letter about what happened because the person concerned clearly needs some training, and if she doesn't get it, she might really offend someone and attract an official complaint. On the other hand, I don't really want to get involved in complaints proceedings and I don't want to cause trouble for someone. Also, I am suspicious of the urge to complain on behalf of other people being offended, when I'm not myself offended.

Any thoughts?

I'd not do anything now as it can't help but be done via official routes, but in the circumstance of it being said to you again I'd probably mention that some people would probably find that to be a racist comment and do so in a friendly 'equals' sort of way rather than as a telling off or anything which could make them feel looked down on as that could actually reinforce any negative racial feelings they have. It lets them know what they've done without punishing them for something they did not do consciously.

You could explain it to the Practice Manager in much the same way that you've explained it to us.

If you weren't offended why complain?

It's a valid point! Why assume you're less sensitive than others?

I suppose it *might* have been that the nurse was so aware of anti-racist issues and consequently so un-hung up on race that she felt confident that her potentially risque remark was inoffensive. Having said that - such sensitivity is, in my experience, rare. It's a question of deciding whether you think, on balance of probabilities, that she was so ignorant that she may well cause offence in future.

I know where I'd put my money.

So, by complaining if you yourself are not offended, you're assuming that whilst the nurse is incapable of judging what is potentially offensive, you yourself are capable of making that judgement.

Forget about racism... That's just plain Nursism!

I'd go with the above... If you're not offended, don't complain (after all, that's what we tell people if they're about to yikes something on this site because they're scared other people might be offended).

Hmm.

As it happens, my wife teaches anti-racism courses for a local authority. She comes across a surprising amount of ignorance on accepted ways to behave from some unexpected quarters in the caring profession. I'm not talking about overt racism - but just basic things like making sure you get people's names right. The way she puts it is that not risking offence is *easy*. So why can't people change their behaviour just a wee bit?

I'm not sure that I'd have confidence that this particular nurse was sufficiently aware of the potential issues. It would be worth raising the matter in the friendly, non-confrontational way that Otto suggested.

What's to lose from a phone call to the Practice Manager?

***What's to lose from a phone call to the Practice Manager?

For you? Nothing.

For the Nurse? Potentially her whole career... If the practice manager has just had an arguement with his/or her significant other and hasn't had their coffee when you ring it could screw that poor nurses career up completely... And you weren't even offended.

Sorry to be blunt, but who appointed you guardian of the nation's morals?

I would suggest that your nurse/healthcare provider is an exponent of Aikido and, in order to distract you from the needle's entry used a form of verbal Atemi. You haven't told us yet whether it hurt - if you didn't notice then the technique evidently worked.

If you do complain the I'm sure a different technique will be put in to use when you next need a blood test. Also if my suspicion about the Aikido training of your health practitioner is accurate, then I suggest letting the incident flow away like water under a bridge.

After 2 weeks it isn't a dilemma, it's a B in your bonnet.

Oh, don't be silly, Whisky.

Otto's made it clear that he didn't think the comment was overtly racist - rather symptomatic of less-than-expected sensitivity. What I've suggested is that he explains it in precisely the terms he did to us. There'd be no sacking grounds (and there are always trade unions and employment tribunals to fall back on in the unlikely event that she were.)

Surely all that's being suggested is that the practice might want to consider an appropriate level of anti-racism awareness? Oh - wait a minute - *that is the law*!

As for me being the moral guardian of the universe...there are, of course, incidents where I think that some form of discipline are warranted...like the time I complained to a supermarket manager after one of his staff expected me to join in with her racist remarks about another customer. In such cases, I'd say we have an *obligation* to complain!

Thanks for your responses - they pretty much track the range of my thoughts about it.

I wasn't offended by what was said, but I did (and do) consider it offensive. The reason I wasn't offended was that I'm *not* part of that ethnic/racial group and it's in no way part of my identity. The crude stereotyping just didn't apply to me.

As regards this particular nurse (not a bad taker of blood, since you ask), I have no way of knowing whether me saying something now or not saying something now and having her repeat the mistake and attract a formal complaint would be more damaging to her career. I'd hope that in this day and age it's possible just to have a quiet word for training purposes without it blowing up into a full scale disciplinary, but again, this is outside my control.

I should, of course, have said something at the time. But I was taken aback, and (I admit) perhaps too unassertive in challenging it. The reason why I think this is a 'dilemma' rather than merely a B in my PC bonnet is that, as Edward says, I think I might have an obligation to complain.

To add a bit more context - what was said wasn't malicious, but wasn't intended as a joke or an over-familiar light-hearted comment either.

Well...you shouldn't have to be taken aback while receiving medical services. Whether it was racist or not, her comment was simply inappropriate for that context.

Compare and contrast if she'd used mild sexual innuendo for humorous purposes. You might not have been personally offended, but it would still have been unprofessional. I mean - one just wouldn't, would one?

I would agree with Edward - there's no need for a formal complaint but a quick phone call to the practice manager (you don't necessarily need to specifically name the nurse) to explain what happened and that a quick chat with his/her staff on appropriate patient interaction might be warranted. If the manager has any sense this is all that would result and should be nip it in the bud because, you're quite right, unchecked the nurse could inadvertantly cause real offence.

all you need to do is sharpen the wit a bit more

she makes comment about Italian name and pizza houses

you come back with inappropriate comment to show her up

"no, but my granddad was a fascist, he was one of Mussolinis body guards"

she would then get embarrassed and realize what a fux pas she had made

I think the problem now is that if you attempt to do anything and speak to anyone in authority... Whatever you do, however you approach it and howevermuch you appear to be positive and not offended... The results afterwards are completely out of your control and there's absolutely no guarantee you'll make anything any better.

The time to deal with this, unfortunately, was on the spot... The moment you talk to a manager about it, it's out of your hands and it's possible that the manager in question will take your comments as an official complaint, with all that that may entail for the nurse.

As I said, if you'd dealt with it on the spot, you might have been able to help the nurse avoid making a future gaffe... If you try to deal with it, however gently, through official channels (and regardless of how you tone your 'complaint', you are going through 'official channels', the final outcome is no longer under your control (although it IS still your responsibility!)

Also, the whole arguement of 'I'm not offended but someone else might be' always strikes me as overly politically correct. Leading to the sort of idiocy that bans the use of the words 'blackboard' and 'queer' (meaning 'odd') in case they might, one day, offend someone.

You weren't offended? Drop it.

I've been offended, even though something hasn't been directed at me, or necessarily relevant to me.

I think that sometimes one can be overly sensitive on other's behalf, but I also think that one should stand up for others where someone is being wildly inappropriate. I often stand up for people I work with who suffer from mental health issues because I find the attitudes of others I work with to be offensive and inappropriate.

A complaint to the practice manager mentioning no names but suggesting that, following an incident which you wish specifically to not detail, a refresher on prejudice awareness etc ,might be a good idea wouldn't be wildly out of place. You'll have done what you can, they may ignore you but it's obviously something that's bothered you

"I'd like to complain but I'm not telling you about what or whom I'm complaining"...


"Nurse, send for the strait jacket!"




Seriously, if you make a complaint but don't tell them all the details, they've only two choices... 1) Treat it as a serious complaint in case it comes back to bite them later on, or, 2) Write you off as a nutcase and ignore you.

Neither one is really going in the way you want it to.

Or, in my special world where I believe that sometimes you might talk to an actual human being, they might thank you and take note.

As you are unlikely to know the outcome anyway, and it's something that's bothered you, then why not do it?

If fear of ridicule stops you doing things you feel are right... Well, you shouldn't.

Is there a less formal route you could take? Many surgeries have suggestion boxes, so maybe put a detailed but anomonymous letter stating how you feel and what you would like happen to on the back of that. There may also be patient advocates that you could contact in confidence, check out their website. They would be guided by you but could raise the issue at a relevent practise meeting.

Love Peanut

I am very strongly in Whisky's camp here. It is too late, you weren't offended, if you complain it is out of your control and you will probably do more harm than good!

Leave it until someone who can riposte does so, or is sufficiently offended to warrant a complaint.

Forget it and move on........

Novo