h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

the name speaks for itself

our first round tonight is robocop and the t800 from the terminator series.

Ooh, good choice.

Tricky one to call.

On the one hand, Robo comes with built-in offensive capability: that wonderful gun in his thigh, and that really rather conveniently pointing data-spike. The T-800 on the other hand essentially arrives bare-handed and has to work with whatever he can find - der Uzi nine millimeeder, phased plasma rifle in der fordy watt range, whatever. So at range, and even in close quarters, at first, your money would be on Robo.

BUT: Arnie takes a lickin and keeps on tickin - the T-800 has the demonstrated ability to continue offensive function even when subjected to severe damage. It is helpful to note that both models have been shown on screen in a bisected state, and while Robocop was severely inconvenienced, and apparently quite disoriented by the experience, the T-800 barely even slowed down when its lower half was removed. Only the application of an industrial press was able to stop it.

So in conclusion - first round to Robo, but if it goes the distance, T-800 every time.

Next up: Zorro and Li Mu Bai.

H.

hmmmmm



zorro is very very handy with the foil, but li mu bai has the green destiny and he is at one with all the chi energy kicking around giving him all that acrobatic ability how can zorro possibly compete? li mu bai could run rings around ole pencil tash chop his foil up with the destiny then carve the initials l m b into zorros snazzy black suit


but li mu bai had retired as a warrior so i doubt he would be willing to fight unless it was for a just cause and considering zorro is a good guy he wouldnt comit the crime to justify li mu bais means

so zorro wins by default


superman or the comic book spidey (with the web fluid as opposed to organic slingers)

note: i have a theory on this one so what ever answer given im gonna try correct lol

I always felt the trouble with Superman is that in the absence of Kryptonite, he's pretty much invulnerable to anything a puny human could do.

But of course comic-book Spidey has the tech-knowhow to come up with web fluid - and let's face it if you're the kind of scientist who can invent a substance that can be fired from a convenient carry case on your arm, solidify into a rope that can carry your weight, then evaporate in a matter of hours, whipping up a batch of Kryptonite should be a weekend project at most.

So if it's an impromptu battle, Kal-El wipes the floor with pretty much anyone, but if Spidey gets to pick the time and place, his ass is grass.

H.

yeah that was my theory spidey has been known in the books to add ingredients to his fluid to get rid of tougher enemys ie nampalmy style fluid against the symbiotes

so if he came across some kryptonite and added it to his fluid he could get rid of the superman, but superman is damn fast he could avoid the fluid with ease

hmmmm son of krypton may have a slight advantage but then again spidey would radiate the kryptonite so erm iunno final verdict anyone?

next?

(I can't resist this one)

Lemmy or God?

erm lemmys massive mole was the source of all his power without it god would trounce him erm what do you think count?

Quote from "Airheads" (1994)

"Wrong, head. Trick question. Lemmy *IS* god!"



Ok... sorry, like I said, I couldn't resist that...

Lessee... How 'bout seventies face painted rock stage personas?

Gene Simmons as "The Demon" or Alice Cooper?

hmmm gene simmons has the bigger tongue but is also the bigger sell out


alice cooper has a much more extreme stage show and his music doesnt suck nearly as much

so this one is for alice cooper


erm c3po or r2d2?

Yeah right, like the golden ponce would last five seconds against the multitude of cutting tools the little guy could whip out, to say nothing of the fact that R2 could probably remotely Ctrl-Alt-Del 3PO's system, thus rendering any potential fight over before it even started.

Now, I similarly can't resist this:

Oo wud win out of Alien and Species?

H.

the alien species your talking about im assuming are the xenomorphs and the aliens would kick ass, mainly cos sim or what ever the chick from species was called only killed to reproduce (as far as i can remeber) anyhoo the xemnomorphs only real weakness is their growth chain facehugger impregnated the host > chestburster bursts out of the host and cocoons itself > depending on the host (human, dog, cat, rhino and recently predator etc) the drone, warrior, predalien, runner, praetorian etc comes out of the cocoon. the xenomorphs only weakness is the day or so it spends in the facehugger or chestburster. so if sim got her/itself there during this stages she/it wins hands down.

but god help her if shes fighting a adult drone, warrior, predalien, praetorian etc

also even if she does win and shes versing a drone or warrior or runner these aliens explode upon death sending bony carapace shrapnel and acid everywere


so its a win or draw to the xenomorphs

I haven't seen species so I'll pass on that one.

But to comment on Simmons vs. Cooper. I also go with Alice Cooper... My theory is that while Simmons is the bigger of the two, platform boots not withstanding, and he has certain superpowers as evidenced in KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park (1978) Alice has been seen to not only be beheaded and die in various other ways but has also been seen to kill on stage as well... So while Gene Simmons drinks and spits blood, Alice sheds it... Plus he has more weapons on stage... so, yes, I say Alice will win.

Carry on.

Next up... Batman or Wolverine?

H.

Oooh... Good one...

Lessee. Wolverine definitely has the fighting skills, strength and natural weapons to shread Batman. But Batman has more intelligence and a seamingly endless supply of gadgets.

However, Batman does usually get himself into pretty dire straits before miraculously getting out using Bat-thermal underwear or whatever while Wolverine tends to whomp on most of his opponents

I'll go with Wolverine due to aggression, skill, strength. Batman relies on opponents who go through overly complicated methods of executing him while explaining their nefarious plans.

batman or as i like to call him.....crapman has no superpowers, granted he has that utility belt but i doubt he has a anti-adamantium-clawed-lunatic-batspray.


lets compare


wolvie: size: 5",3' powers: adamantium skeleton (or later in the comics bone skelton ), advanced immune system and healing ability, heightened senses, backstory, was part of a covert ops team who went to infiltrate a top secret lab his squad was captured and experimented on during the admantium fusion thing wolvi however survived due to his mutant healing abilities as you can guess he is very veryy p*ssed off permanantly.


battydude: size: 6" powers:none (exept the power of money with which he buys expensive tools) oh hes good at martial arts and gym bakstory: his parents were killed he became rich from their money and became a vigilanty slightly p*ssed but not as much as wolvie


any way im prattlying wolvie wins hands down

on a completely un related note im wearing a spidey mask in the midle of a call center

Next:

James Bond vs Indiana Jones.

WD

ooooooh tough one

im gonna see what some one else says we shall wait