h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I want to compile a list of dreadful songs.

Not just songs which you think "Oh, that was rubbish!", but songs that really want to make you pour hydrochloric acid into your ears if you hear them.

A couple to start the ball rolling:

Grandma, we love you - St Winifred's School Choir
Grandad - Clive Dunn
Anything by The Wombles
Mr Blobby

(See the sort of thing I mean?)
Imagine the album - "Now That's What I Call C**P"...

"I've never been to me" - Charlene
"Calling all occupants of interplanetary craft" - The Carpenters.
"Save your love" - Renee and Renato

Hmm, there are only a few German songs that spring to mind right now, and I don't recall the titles, because I turn the radio off the moment I hear them. And I wouldn't want to pour hydrochloric acid into my ears, but into the singers' throats.

Hey don't tar the Wombles with the same brush - they were musically very accomplished. Mike Batt's arrangements and Chris Spedding's (sorry, Wellington's) guitar work were pretty good. Maybe the Wombles image makes you think the songs were substandard, but that's not the case.

Mike Batt recently wrote and produced Katie Melua's album, of course.

Dreadful songs? Crazy Frog, of course.

The Birdie song, by whoever it was.
Anything by the Cheeky girls *covers ears*
Especially for you: Kylie and Jason, that was especially dreadful!
The Theme from Eastenders: Anita Dobson *starts pulling hair out*

"Don't feel like dancin! Dancin!" Then for 's sake STOP.

Assuming you mean the song by The Scissor Sisters, then that is bad in a different sort of way (though I have to admit, I actually quite like it). It's just, well, bad.

Anita Dobson singing the Eastenders' theme is truly a higher form of badness! So too is the Birdie Song (by The Tweets, incidentally, and once voted the most annoying song of all time, narrowly beating "Teletubbies say "eh-oh"). Like Renee and Renato (no, I don't like Renee and Renato), these are the sort of songs that you really have to wonder, what on earth were they thinking of when they wrote this?

Great(!?) stuff, keep it coming!

Whatsa matter you, hey? Gotta no respect!

RF

Seven Tears - Goombay Dance Band
Orville's song - Keith Harris
The Smurf Song - Father Abraham

Incidentally, how many of you are now going round with a crap song stuck in your head?

Never mind, just remember -

"It'sa not so bad,
It's a nice-a place,
Ah Shaddap you face!"

Cliff Richard's Millennium Prayer.

There must be more but fortunately I seem to have blotted most of them from memory - for a while there I'd even managed to forget the existence of the Goombay Dance Band.

The Wombles definitely shouldn't be tarred with the same brush - "Remember You're a Womble" is a classic album !!

Is this the way to Amarillo - by Tony Christie - or the other one - it was cr*p when it first came out - nothing has improved it

I actaully like

The 'Chicken Song' by Spitting Image

(yes, I know sad, *very sad*, but it cheers my up when I'm )

and also know that I'm in a minority...maybe something to do with my elder brother making a point of saying "she's not with me" way back in the mid 1980s when I bought the 7in single (mostly I bought 12in)

Emmily

As some may know (but maybe not all), years ago humorist Dave Barry wrote a column about this topic and got the most overwhelming response he'd ever gotten to any column. Apparently people have very heartfelt opinions about bad songs ... "You know that song about Pina Coladas? I HATE that song" (while holding you by the lapels). Barry said input came in for years after ... he ended up writing a book which included the alltime favorite bad song, "MacArthur Park" sung by Richard Harris. His teenage son read the lyrics and rolled on the floor, accusing his old man of making them up as a joke.

Anybody that slates the glorious MacArthur Park will have me to deal with!

Not that that should be too much of a worry.

Has anyone said "Lady in Red" Yet? No?

Lady In Red.

RF

Anything by Michael Jackson...

'Oops! Upside my head' - Gap Band.

'I just called to say I love you' - Stevie Wonder.

Your the one that i want, the cover version done by Arthur Mullard and Hilda Baker.

Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

DK

So Scaramouche didn't do the Fandango for you.. although I have to admit the Wayne's World take-off of the song is superb..