h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The BBC runs occasional ten minute progs where decorators, photographers, etc give out handy tips about how to do their job easily and to make things look professional.

What's the one tip you would pass on about your work?

bring your minidisk player and make sure you're logged into this site at all times!

Apply to university early, avoid the courses that have exactly the same title as you A levels (think about studying Linguistics intead of English Lang, Geology instead of Geography etc) as these are less popular because of their newness.

Don't judge a university based on how nice a day out you had there - base it on if you can imagine living there for 3 yrs.

If you aren't happy speak to someone at the uni about it instead of just dropping out - it's surprising how often things can be solved.

Don't base your future on some dodgy stats in league tables, chose somewhere you will be happy not somewhere you assume employers think is good.

If in doubt about Thursday do some research now and find out the direct dial phone numbers for your firm and insurance admissions tutors. Have a browse through the clearing parts on the UCAS website and don't despair, despite higher application numbers the number of vacancies has risen this year - even on the popular courses at the popular unis. Clearing lasts more than a week it lasts a good month (and sometimes even more) so don't panic and accept the first offer you get.

...TURN IT OFF !!!

receiving electric shocks is not a part of my job description.

alec.

Everyone knows computer programs are full of bugs and no-one really expects that they will do exactly what they say when they say. Therefore you can happily program in some complete weirdness and, providing you use the correct colours for the company logo, nobody important (ie those buying/approving it) will notice.

A1090630

Don't use toothpaste to clean your denture - the fine abrasive particles will scratch the acrylic. Use a toothbrush, kept specifically for this purpose, and soap. Rinse well.

Having loaded a film into your camera and wound on to Start, photograph a large sheet of paper with your name, address and telephone number on it in large, thick black letters.

Then if the processors lose it, and your envelope appears with someone else's prints, when the other person opens their envelope with your prints in it in the shop, they will immediately be able to contact you and tell you that your prints have been found.

(Sod's Law - I failed to do this with my last film, and that is the one they have got mixed up. Hopefully they will be able to identify my film from a description of what is on it).

1. Find a good customer service rep and treat him/her like a king/queen. If you treat them well they'll go the extra mile for you.

2. Unless you have a great marketing dept, don't expect anything to fall in your lap. Make your own marketing stuff if you have to.

3. Understand how credit works and get ready to bypass it whenever necessary.

4. When in doubt, hit the phone and look busy.

Don't talk to the Researchers if you can help it.

When estimating resource requirements take the number you first thought of, multiply it by at least 3, then add a bit. Unless you're quoting for computing hardware and telecoms infrastructure - in which case multiply by 7 or 8, add loads more and pass the project management on to somebody else...

Thanks Mina!

It is possible to do absolutely nothing for three years and still get a degree.

B

tell the juror to phone the court.

xx

Zone out. If you've got someone who's really been d*cked around, and it shows in their file, try and fix it. Otherwise, just do what you can without getting too bogged down.

Once you understand a topic, don't do any more work on it unless absolutely necessary.

Don't psyche yourself up or drink stimulants before an exam.

If you don't know the answer then try to sound like you do whilst making an educated guess.

Learn when to ignore the teacher.

Read the bloody question.

1. Smile politely, but not too politely. Remember, the people you are serving are vermin

2. Make some general comment about the weather. Everyone loves to talk about the weather; it is genetic. Do not try to talk to them about Baudrillard - it makes them uncomfortable.

3. If someone looks dodgy, chances are they probably are. Kick the problem upstairs.

4. Always get a signature.

5. When dealing with the more odiferous customers, try to breath through your mouth. It will help with achieving #1.

Luckily, I'm only working for the summer And I honestly wasn't this bitter before I started.

If you are dealing with silly people on the phone (ie people who don't know why they called, people who expect you to know EVERYTHING, people who treat you like their personal slave, etc, etc)....put the phone "on hold" (so they can't hear you) before you swear at them...

Be nice to the secretaries / clerks etc. Everything passes through their hands. You'll be surprised how much valueable information they can give you (about things going on and about the boss' moot) and what you caan do with their help (they can make sure that *the* letter goes out with today's mail no matter what or make sure that the boss sees it first/last thing today)...

If a customer asks a simple question you don't know the answer to, turn the question into a 'difficult' question by asking for very specific information, and then say you will consult your colleague.

When posting an important document, always make a phone call 24 hours later to make sure that they have received it.

When faxing/emailing the above phone two hours later.