h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Continuing on the Star Trek theme tell him that you have to wear your Starfleet uniform during sex and tell him he's 'boldly going where no man has gone before'

Keep on saying you are going to have sex for the past 6 months but cannot as you are too busy with writing reports on boring meetings.


kat

Falling asleep halfway through is a sure fire way to reduce your chances of a) reaching a satisfactory conclusion and b) getting a repeat ticket.

There are 101 ways????

I thought just being ME was enough

You know, outspoken, intelligent, opinionated woman who doesn't think that just 'sticking it in' is the be all and end all when it comes to sex.

Or perhaps it's having snakes for hair and four heads?

Of course, it's not me that's avoiding sex, rather that sex has been avoiding me . . . ho hum.

az

i think that telling her that before you have sex you like to shove a putter in her p***y and jingle it around a bit before getting it on

Say before you have sex you like to dress as a nazi.

Hey! Some people'd pay a lot of money for that!



When asked why you're on antibiotics, blush and say "Nothing specific"

say thats its good luck if you sacrifice 42 baby goats, and then sugest that you do it together

okay, here's another one (sorry if it's already been posted - have not read ALL the postings on this thread)

Don't shave!

az

ps
am living in Spain where men seem to have a total aversion to all body hair . . .

Plait armpit hair into your pubes

Go crossed eyed when you kiss and keep on staring at them in a funny way.

kat

Get Married !!!!!!!

Keep your eyes open when you kiss.

Say 'The Spiderman costume will suit you'

Ask him if he has considered beds of nails as a sexual possibility.

Just before the action have a scratch down there, sniff your fingers and say "Smells like the infection has cleared up, let's get busy".

Liam.

"Hey, those b***bs are great. They all real?"

Sorry that doesn't count. It turned me on.

Well, we have a tried and tested method here:

F19585?thread=269238#p3344210

F19585?thread=269238&post=3346844#p3346920

And a more agressive suggestion:

F19585?thread=269238&post=3345659#p3346284

B

Telephone conversation - boyfriend to girlfriend

Him "Hey honey, the doctor told me to contact all my sexual partners in the last five weeks and tell them about my infection, oh and when we've finished you better put your mum on, *cough*and your dad*cough*.

Liam.