h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Those of you that know me reasonably well will not be terribly surprised by any of the following...

Last weekend, I was asked to play lounge piano at a party run by a very old family friend.

Despite the fact that I was working, I had a few s to settle the nerves, and so was in a fairly relaxed mood. My problems began when the daughter of the family, who I hadn't seen since she was 11, started doing some fairly serious flirting with me. At the time, I put it down to alcohol and tried to play the whole thing down. Since then, however, she has rung me up, asking me out for a drink.

So what's my problem, you ask? I know Xanatic et al would be slightly envious of this situation...My problem - she's only 16. I like her a lot, but my abiding memories before the weekend were of her as a child. The whole thing is definitely a bit freaky. Help!

(Lest you think that this is inappropriate behaviour for a 16-year-old, I should add that Scunthorpe girls are notoriously forward, in general, and man-eaters, in many specific cases.)

B

That'll teach you for playing lounge piano at family parties.

I'm not giving up a perfectly good part-time job because of one 16-year-old, thank you.

B

If shes a nice person, go for it.

Do you not think there's something a bit weird about 'going for it' with someone who's 16. I'm 23, you know. 7 years is a big emotional gap at her age.

B

Theres nothing to stop you getting closer to her/dating...but it might put you off, 7 yrs is a lot.

I would suggest keeping it fairly friendly for a while (if you can fend her off that is) and try to get a feel for how mature she *really* is and how much you *really* like her.

I know a couple who got together when she was 14 and he was 19...they waited until she was legal before , it didn't last for long after that (6 months/ a yr or so) but I don't think either of them regret it.

PQ

Possibly, but that depends on both you and her.
So, what is she after? Serious ? Fling? A chance to bed a 23 yr old and brag to her friends?
She may be 16, but how old is she mentally / maturity wise?

There's a saying that goes "If there's grass on the pitch you should mow it", but I think that's a load of Jacksons and that you should walk away my friend, walk absolutely away.

Dr Trout

She's fairly mature for 16, and we do share a lot of interests - music and soforth. And it's not as if I haven't had relationships with much younger women (listening, VIP?)

Given the amount of time we've known each other, I'd imagine (hope?) she would be after something reasonably long-term. But I can't tell for certain until I broach the subject, and that's the difficult bit - I don't particularly want to jeopardise my friendship with her Mum, who I get on well with.

B

You're not going after the Mother as well are you B? Now there's kudos.

You're not going after the Mother as well are you B? Now there's kudos.

Go for it. Just think, when you were 16 all the girls went for older guys. Now it's your turn.

I imagine the "a very old family friend" relationship is going to get a rough ride.

Nothing personal, but this sounds like an Alan Clark scenario. You're not keeping a diary are you? If I were you I'd take a cold shower and look elsewhere

Or you could just ask the mother if she doesn't mind. She might even give you her blessing.

Hand-Shandys all round I think.

Cheers,

Trout

A 7 year gap, while nothing once you're both over 20, can seem a lot larger at these ages. I'd suggest that you think about whether you fancy her or not, and would be interested if you just met her locally, and then think about the restrictions about going out with a 16 year old, and if they would be a problem. Pubs are difficult, because although she's legally old enough to be in there, she can't have a drink, and no 18's at the cinema.

And if you are feeling uncomfortable about her flirting, how comfortable are you going to be kissing her, if that's what she wants?

Would it seem so bad if you were 27 and she were 20? Or 37 and 30? My sister married at 24 - her husband was 38. Now she's 55 and he's 69 (does that work out? Yes - phew). And they're still together.

Do you communicate like equals, or like an adult and a child? There's no rule here - it depends on her, and on you. If it feels right why not just go out for a drink, no commitment - you don't *have* to do the squelchy bit. See how it goes, see how you feel - you can always back out at that stage if you feel uncomfortable.

Yay - simulpost. And we said something much the same, too!

I think I'll declare right now that I _am_ envious. I think you should go for it, but cautiously, if that makes sense. And bear all the possibilities mentioned in mind. After all, there's nothing illegal about it.