h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

oh ho ho Linus, and there's YOUR problem!

You're waiting for the Great Pumpkin!!

Yeah, there may be a better place to wait for Nighthoover.

Under the sofa, I'd imagine.

I thought that was the one place were the Hoover never comes...?

No, not even nighthoover would tackle the dust bunnies under there!

But He has the power to vanquish the dust bunnies and the loess leopards, even unto the skirting-boards of doom..

n i g h t h o o v e r Preys bee.

Has the gender of n i g h t h o o v e r been established?

Or even the agenda?

Nighthoover transcends gender and gender roles. And rolls.

nighthoover transcends all time gender space dust faith sex fruit vegetables and tables and everything

I'm waitin for nighthoover in in the public toilet... hmmm.... well it is quite dusty and dirty in here one day it is only but surely but a matter of time or redcurrent jam, before the hoovery one opens his dusty E-mail account and returns once more unto the site of his creation lettuce redcurrent jelly.

Maybe nighthoover judges the quality of dust and therefore a public toilet may not be the best place to wait, therefore I think I'll head over to the jewelry district. There's gold in that dust.

Somewhere with plenty of carpet and lax housekeeping would be best.

So... my house?

I've got you beat... two dogs and a cat. Also, my carpet is really old and really cheap and the liner is nothing but particles now.

So, waiting party at the Baron's house?

Annnd there be my cue.
I was hoping, nay praying that the transition would dry and wither you lot up like marshmallows in the sahara, but nay, thriving there be!
So, a return to fundamentals, as the nighthoover did, so should you,
QUIT!

(incidentally, there are a tribe of dysonites out there if you look)

>>I was hoping, nay praying that the transition would dry and wither you lot up<<

Pffft. No you weren't. You enjoy this as much as the rest of us.



And around and around we go!

Why quit now? I'm on a roll!

*makes vulgar commentary on HN's ability to roll due to rotundness or somesuch*

Hey look! A distraction!

*craftily inserts extra verse to holy writ, adding coffee stain so it looks authentic*

"And Lo Lettuce See What Whe Can Xee, Said The Hoov Of Darkness, Before Vanishing Into The Fundament And Up His Own Fundament Forever. Olive Branches, Verdigris And Muffin Tops Were Left Spoilt Across The Land And Dere Were Lots Wailing And Such"

It's nice to see sanity hasn't grabbed a foothold while I've been gone.

sanitation is the way of the hoover... oh... you said sanity.... err...
*thinks*
errr....
*reaches for dictionary*
err...
*thinks*
Nope... still not a clue... here have some toasted lamb door handles, they're great with diced rabbit feet... lettuce spray for as it was so it was to as be that which it was to be in its being and everythign like whilst not thereby trascending necessarily that to which it did not yet could be in itself to be, which wasn't to say without necessarily undertaking that to which it didn't pertain on its own nature of be-ness in its own double transcended state of ness with its being and utter existance of self persistance in the eye of the storm with a toothbrush and a nozle attachment thriley so n i g h t h o o v e r n i g h t h o o v e r
*holds aloft the moustach of the hoff