h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i work at a sewage plant, so when asked what my job is i sometimes answer s**t stirrer or s**t farmer. what do you think would be a better title for your job, other than what it is. my title at work is process technician, which means nothing to anyone else.

My title is "Research Consultant" (how's that for bureaucratic vagueness?), but I usually think of myself as "Flunky of All Trades, and Mistress of the Sea Monkeys and Office Toy Collection".


Mikey

Officially I'm a "Travel Counselor" but I think I should be "Empress of the Known and Unknown Universe". Barring that, "Office Agitator and Official Liberal" will do.

My job title should be "Only here for the beer money + to pay off the mortgage + to earn enough to have a good time".
I had a friend who went to teacher training college in Newcastle, gave it up and drifted down to Birmingham. Haven't seen him him for 15+ years. Bob Baker are you out there? I'm working on the improbability factor. Probably won't work, but you never know!
...

I'm a mainframe computer operator. I've got quite a lot of background and training in computers, and this job doesn't really chalenge me very much. But it pays pretty well, I've advanced pretty quickly, and there are opportunities for me to get into more challenging things if I can just stay patient.

As for the rest of my coworkers... there are a few good ones, but many of these operators couldn't tie their shoes themselves. Give them a piece of sophisticated hardware and software, and these barely-conscious chimps can do a lot of damage. I've already been promoted to a lead position, so it is my job to keep them from doing that damage.

Colonel Sellers, Idiot Sitter

I was wondering - if I worked in a team of Nut Salesmen (I don't), would we be Kernel Sellers ?

Red

Or perhaps if you sold the central part of Unix systems?

agcb
Entertainer, and mistress of sarcasm

I'm a year out student, better known as game tester, intenet fiend....erm well you get the picture!

Mel

For all intents and purposes, my job titles are the following:
AT WORK: official college kid babysitter; overpriced coffee server
AT HOME: kid/ cat conflict resolver, boo-boo kisser, hardline mama
WITH HUSBAND: personal brain replacer

Although I have taken to calling myself the "Commander in chief", in reality I am the intellegent buffer between big dumb computers and bigger dumber users

In fact I'm an assistant at the university over here, so officially you could say I'm a researcher, but I tend to think of myself as a 'very expensive scientific secretary' - sometimes - and, as I heard through the grapevine, some of the students refer to me as 'bitch of S1'... (S1 is the building where I work) This last title, however, is not one I would like to call myself...

oh yeah there are some classics in there. it's amzing how somepeoples ideas of names are more descriptive that the companies that employ them.

Why don`t they make job titles more fun - they'd be a lot more people wanting to do your job if there were titles around like ....

Supreme Grand Wizard of [Insert whatever you do]
Big Cheese [Ditto]
Head Honcho [Ditto]
Main Man [Ditto]

Red

But isn´t it amazing how you can actually make people accept a new name instead of a raise. "How about instead of giving another buck per hour, we´re giving you the title Hygiene Consulent instead of cleaning lady?"

Well offically, I'm a female med student, which really should be called Sole Consumer of Strangly Coloured so-called 'Disgusting' Alcoholic Beverages.

I'm also in a longitudinal study which aims to disprove the theory that only one person can cause 'so much trouble' i.e. any amount of trouble caused is infinite, regardless of how many people are involved. So 'Official Troublemaker' should be in there as well.


Stay ,
WD

i used to be a "Campaign Coordinator" at a students' union

this really should have been
"Official Troublemaker, Organiser of Trouble for Others, Deputy Non-Returner of "Urgent" Calls From the Police, Storer of Odd But Useful Pieces of Information on Floor Plans of Obscure Buildings and (last but not least) General Whipping Person for the Student Body"

phew!

of course now I am doing pretty much nothing i prefer the title of:

"She Who Lives Like A Cat (Except for the Cleaning Self with Tongue Part)"

span

When I first started work as a trainee they sat me behind a desk in a corner. In the corner was a window with a blind and the controls for a huge old fan in the middle of the office ceiling. The guy who sat in the middle of the office under the fan used to call me the Blind Monitor (one step up from Milk Monitor at school). I didn`t like this title a whole lot.

One day I decided to see how high I could push up the fan controls and slowly cranked it all the way to No 10 on the dial (in living memory it had never gone above 3 or 4). At 5 it was pushing bits of paper off his desk, at 6 it was whining, at 7 it was oscillating from side to side, at 8 the whine had stopped but had been replaced by a deep thobbing low frequency humm, at 9 whole folders were being blown off his desk, at 10 bits of plaster were falling from the ceiling and people were beginning to crawl under their desks for cover - at this point my tormentor looked up and said "my god the fan is going to hit me" at which point a friend of mine said "if it does it will be the first time the fan hit the sh*t" (true).

Red