h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Book Title.

Bubbles in the bath!

By Arthur Windybottom

Overnight there were was a blanket of stratus cloudy skies but by the time I woke up after 8pm there was clear skies as I mist the overnight and early morning fog.

Sorry that should have been I woke after 8 am.

I am so old now I only have foggy memories left about the period before the mists of time

A bloke said to me - your dense! I replied It's Dennis actually

Not as dense as lead.

You can lead a to the water but you can't water lead

Lead astray ? therefore Lead didn't know about Sat-Nav

Lead ashtray: double health hazard.

Only if you lick it.
You know: Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray
- - -
Betraying while trading trays is not a common trait

I'm intelligent! I got that one trait away

'Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray'

I can confidently say that I have experience neither and would like to keep it that way.

I have kissed a number of smokers myself in my time but then I used to be a smoker myself so that evened it out.
As for licking ashtrays I don't remember doing that but there's a lot I have forgotten so there is that.
- - -
Now back to puns:
My charming spirit animal is with me in spirit. Literally. A snake in a jar of alcohol on my desk. You might call me a spiritual snake charmer.

Smoke in the mouth

Nowhere near as good as "Smoke in the water" By Deep Purple..

I wonder if I should tell my colleague that there is a difference between a climactic chamber and a climatic chamber...

It's late and the shop is many giant steps away so get your stilton and let's go!

But do it caerphily

Cheddar step carefully! The Gorge is pretty wide

"The literary committee has decided that too many elements in your story clash with each other"

"Which committee is that?"

"The irony board"

- That's irony

- No, it's sarcasm. Irony is that you can't tell the difference