h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh, and it's also designed so that it should work on mechanicals, too.

*For some reason, the spell has no effect. As if Gambling Problem was actively preventing himself from being brought to life, somehow. The people notice the spellcasting and the lack of any effects*

Man-Hey! He's casting more spells of destruction! Trying to add insult to injury! Sir, I've already lost my company payroll! IF Gambling Problem isn't back and losing battles soon, then you'll have to answer to me!

*Similar other complaints are quickly rising from the crowd*

*Runs out with a roll of duct tape, and tries to sort out which bits belong where.*

[Yar] I was /trying/ to use the spell to fricking repair him. [pulls out a spell scroll] Here we go ... Krebf! Effect: repairs willful damage. [mutters] Hard to get more "willful damage" than Ultima ... Anyway!

[He casts the spell on the remains of Gambling Problem.]

*The spell fails, indicating that GP is either protected from the Krebf spell, or that GP isn't really damaged. The crowd gasps at this bit of further "kicking him while he's down", and begins to get ugly. People are finding things to throw*

*Every piece that Scandrea puts together seems to break into dust, escape from the duct tape, and put itself back together into its broken form. Something's not right here....*

Hmmm...

Is it possible that he's playing possum?

*Nudges the pile of dust experimentally with her boot.*

[Corrigible joins in the item-throwing]

[Yar] [blocking thrown items with the Force] WTF!?

Careful, Yar! You're starting to sound like Laguna and Woogy!

*Dodges the thrown items, while looking for a clue on how to put GP back together.*

For the record, Affy, if your sole intention was to create a problem like this just to annoy me, you've succeeded.

Thank you, thank you....


*The remains of GP don't react much to Scandrea's shoe. The crowd is now a mob that looks like it'll rush the heroes really, really soon*

You /had/ to fight him, didn't you?

*Gets a bad idea born entirely out of desperation. Sweeps up the pile of dust from GP, places it in front of the slot machine from earlier, puts a quarter in, pulls the handle, and takes cover behind a bench.*

[Yar] Don't worry! I can convince them not to attack. I'm a student of the Dale Carnegie school of diplomacy.

[Joseph] And if that doesn't work!?

[Yar] Well, I can always fall back on the Quentin Tarantino school of diplomacy.

*mutter mutter mutter*something better ing well work*mutter mutter*

*While the guards are distracted by the incipient riot, Burford slips out the door.*

*Burford finds himself at F1881348?thread=528408 where others may be permitted to follow after the fight*

*The remains of Gambling Problem placed in front of the jukebox are blasted by the machine and transform into:*


Hang on, lemme fire up the ol' QBASIC compiler....


*A being with Scandrea's head, Scandrea's body, and Y2K's legs (along with any powers that those specific body parts might represent). Gambling Problem's other remains vanish into thin air, causing the growing mob to become temporarily confused. Gambling Problem himself looks around, unsure as to what's happening. He tries coughing in YK's direction, but no bullets come out of his mouth*

Yes!

See folks, he's OK! Now if you'll excuse us...

*Grabs Yar and runs for the exit.*

*Gambling Problem finds himself unable to use his powers over all things Casino, meaning that he no longer has the hold on the gamblers. GP quickly locates the key in his mouth, and begins running to the vault. Probably not in time to stop people from exitting (which Archimedes and KL do very quickly)*

[They are followed by ... let's see ... Joseph, Woogy, Laguna, and Corrigible, who drags Yar with him.]

[Yar] Wait! I didn't get a chance to --

[Corrigible] Oh, shove it.

*GP unlocks the safe and gets his old body back,....but keeps Yar's coin*

Gambling Problem-Mwah-Ha-Ha! ME win in end!