h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Raucous honkeytonk music absolutely fills the air, and the studio audience (a large group of AA5's robots, monsters, and flunkies) applauds as the contestants (adventurers) enter the chamber. The chamber is a large, underground chasm, with Anti-Affy5 standing behind a podium on the opposite end. The chasm in question is filled with a lake of lava, which generates an intense heat. Stretching over the lava is a bridge which consists of several squares that are very reminiscent of a game board. This fact is compounded by the maze-like way that the bridge pans out across the board. AA5, wearing a cheap business suit, laughs and acknowledges the audience, tapping a big selection of cards on the podium from which he begins reading*

AA5-Welcome one and all to another edition of Furnace Fun! That's right, as you know I love the little world I've built for myself. And here's the kicker: you might not've noticed it, but I've actually been extending my reality-shifting ways across time and space all along! That's right, dating back to the point that I was awakened in Andromeda Way I've been sending my little energy beam back, altering things here and there. But my question is: how much did *YOU* notice about it?

As you know, this game is designed to test the knowledge and skills of anyone attempting to storm my castle! These, ahem, heroes may tackle this maze-o-questions as a group at large, or they can spread out across the board to tackle as many questions as they like. But remember, you can only help to answer a question if you're on the space itself.

There is a one-day RL time frame for each question asked, so plan your life accordingly! Otherwise, well,....you might find the square beneath you to be a bit, um,....insubstantial. Capiche? Alrighty, then! Will the contestants please step up to the first square to play....FURNACE FUN!

*The audience applauds even more, as the tech crew sends the flying cameras around to watch everything, and activate the anti-powers shielding over the board that would prevent the use of, say, KL's jumping ability or Yar's Force or some other cheating-power, to jump ahead in the game. The first square becomes substantial and can now be stepped on. It shows, of all things, a yearbook on it with the faces of all the adventurers prominantly displayed on the cover*

Looks like you guys don't have alot of choice about where to go first. So, this is a good chance to put your heads together!

Oh crap!

*Pins herself against the platform wall as much as she can and waits for the others to devise a strategy.*

I haven't even been around that long!

[Yar] Hmm ... [looks around] That is one smegload of ysalmiri.

Ysalmiri?


KL-*Trying to look unimpressed* Bah. This is just a variant on the classic Sphynx puzzle, but with an emphasis on general knowledge. And instead of a single riddle we get....um....*tries to discretely count all the game board squares but quickly gives up when it becomes indiscrete*....dozens. Not a problem.

*The music keeps playing while AA5 plays up the act of a game show host, waving to the audience and peeking ahead at the answers to some of the questions. SLR tries to run to the first square, but KL stops him before he somehow winds up dooming everyone*

A ysalamir (pl. ysalamiri) is a creature from Star Wars books which create a "Force-bubble" around themselves within which the Force cannot be used. They reinforce each other, too -- their homeworld is impervious to Jedi up to the upper atmosphere. They're sessile: in the adult stage, their claws grow into the treebranches.

Ah, I see. Thanks.


*KL reads the yearbook on the first square. "Freshman Class, 0 AAA ("In The Year Of Anti-Affy")*

Question- do any of us really know enough about what's going on to have a chance at this?

[Yar] Probably not. Hmm ... I suppose I could turn on cheats and use "noclip" so that we'd be unaffected by gravity and walk through walls, but that'd just mean --

[Corrigible] -- that you've played too much Half-Life.

[Yar] Exactly.

AA5-Ah, yes, a valid question from Scandrea. As is the case for all quiz-and-riddle types of final confrontations, absolute fairness is guaranteed by two referees from Forces Of Evil, Inc. and The Organization For Fair Treatment Of Heroes. Each of these questions will be based on something that at least one of your party should know the answer to. The questions may be incredibly difficult, yes, but given the 24 hour RL time limit (about 5 seconds of VR time), you've got plenty of time to ponder.

[Yar] Sweet!

[Corrigible] Just for the record, and for purposes of pointlessness, does that include Justice?

AA5-Um, I'm afraid that he wouldn't fit on the squares....and I don't think he can really talk, can he? But otherwise, I don't see a problem with that...

[Yar] Actually, he can. He has dialogue in most peoples' endings in the original Guilty Gear, and he's got a Story Mode in Guilty Gear X2. And in-battle, one of his voice-clips when you defeat him sounds like he's saying "f***ing DUCK!" ... Oh, and actually, he's probably a she, since Dizzy refers to Justice as "mother" in an alternate future that -- [Corrigible shoves him] Ack!

I don't suppose we have any other choice than to play, do we?

[Yar] [who has fallen forward onto the first space] No, guess not.

AA5-Ah, the Yearbook squares! These are the squares that test your knowledge of the people that have faced you along the way.

*AA5 flips through his cards as KL and SLR move onto the first square*

Okay, let's see if you can get this one! What was the name of the Bounty Hunter that faced you as soon as you landed on Planet Odyssey?

*The timer begins counting down, set for 3:26 EST*

[Yar] Oh yeah, that crow guy!

[Corrigible] The script says his name was "PsyCrow."

[Yar] Yeah, and Scandrea chewed us out for breaking the Fourth Wall.

Eh heh heh...

*A tiny bell sound is heard, and the audience boos and hisses the heroes. The next space becomes substantial, revealing a computer monitor*

AA5-Bah! One down, way too many to go. You'll never get the next one.

*Scandrea looks around, and with no one else forthcoming, takes a step onto the square.*

AA5-Ah, the 4th Wall Square! Excellent! Due to the complex physics involved with these questions, time extensions may be available....I hate that rule, but the company that I purchased the board from made me promise to have an open mind....heh-right....anyway, these spaces involve the incredibly fragmented plane of existence surrounding us all!

What type of Guide entry started the long, crazy, anticlimactic adventure that led to my release, and subsequent pursuit by NYC, YK, and The Corrupt One, and subsequently your current quest as well?

A) Edited Guide Entry
B) Unedited Guide Entry
C) Journal Entry
D) Forum Post