h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Those entering from the Marsh (or anywhere, really) will find themselves in a lavish room filled with relaxing beings of all sorts. If possible, it looks more festive than the Casino did. On the wall opposite the door to the Marsh are three paintings. One painting shows an arena of some sort with several dangerous looking robots battling each other. The next painting shows a holographic image that changes (depending on how the viewer stands while looking at it) to depict a monkey, a warrior, a fish, an alien, and a bird. The third painting depicts someone carrying what look like nametags, dropping them over his shoulder while smirking in a sinister manner*

*On the side of the room sits a banquet table with various snacks: pizza, popcorn, pretzels, chips, salad, fried chicken, nachos, and grapes. Opposite the table is a jukebox that seems to be playing electronica music*

*Cutscene drops from the ceiling*

Cutscene-Hey, guys! Glad to see you've survived so far. Anyway, this is the Break Room, where the monsters and henchmen and tourists and adventurers can spend time without having to fight each other. Enjoy your break! Oh, and before I forget, those paintings each show a different boss that you can get to by turning the painting.

Where you go from here is entirely up to you. See ya!

*Cutscene jumps back up to the ceiling*

*Enters.*

Oh no! Not this time! I'm not touching anything!

*Leans against the wall.*

*KL enters*

KL-Oh, come on? What's the worst that could happen? It can't possibly be worse than having your body altered to be some horrific amalgamation of Burford, Archimedes and myself.

Come to think of it, you've got a point....

I figure why put myself at risk- the arfenhouse boys seem pretty much immortal, anyway.

*Looks at the holographic painting.*

Well, we've fought the fish and the bird...

KL-Bird? Oh, wait....Psycrow....yeah, we did. But what would Gambling Problem be? The battling robots arena?

I don't think so- none of them look like him...

*Moves over to the third painting, and examines the nametags.*

Do you recognize him?

*Archimedes enters*

KL-Can't say that he does. It was just a wild coincidence that I knew who Ghoti was, to tell you the truth.

[Woogy and Laguna, without hesitation, keep going straight forward until they reach the shifting painting.]

[Yar] [looking at the pic with the nametags] Hmm ... now why am I suddenly reminded of the Senses Taker from the Phantom Tollbooth?

[Joseph] I ... have no idea. Just don't use any of your insanely-powerful spells on whoever it is, if we go there, all right?

[Corrigible] Hmm ... [hums the Stage Select theme from Mega Man 2]

Yar, if any of the bosses in the paintings rip off something, please let me know when we get there. Based on what your saying, I may have to look in on this Phantom Tollbooth thing....


KL-*whispered*I say that we let Woogy and Laguna go in there and die without us.

*Debates*

Well, they do seem to be pretty much immortal... let's give them a rope to find their way back.

KL-No! No ropes! You're missing the point entirely!

Well I mean sure they're annoying, and they speak incomprehensible txt, but there's got to be some good points...

...er...

...and I'll get back to you on exactly what those are...

*Sits down and tries to figure it out.*

KL-See, THIS is why I'm not a hero! At least I know when it's time to make sure that someone never darkens your door again. Now, I'm not going to claim to be the most powerful evil villain in the Galaxy, nor am I the most evil powerful villain in the Galaxy. But I know evil. And that Laguna and Woogy? They're an evil that's classified as "Abomination." It's possible that they don't realize how annoying they are: but they're not as random as they pretend to be. If they were, then the laws of probability would indicate that they either should have killed us all by now, or that they should have bounce off to find some other patsy to pester! They're here intentionally, probably just trying to torture us! Don't trust them! They'd sell you out in a second if it meant a sight gag! I can see it in their cartoonish little eyes!

So that's why I say: No Ropes!

Archimedes-Lighten up, Krylma.

Yeah- especially since they're both right behind you...

KL-I know exactly where they are. They're looking at that painting over there.

*Helps himself to some pretzels, grumpily*

Actually, it was just a vauge wild impression. The Senses Taker demanded you fill out all these ridiculous forms "before I take your senses". Sorry, I just make that sort of connection sometimes.


[Laguna and Woogy are encountering the Three Stooges effect: they are both attempting to reach the door at once, but they keep colliding with each other. Finally, Woogy bonks the painting aside, and both of them crash through.]

[Yar] Good, now we're rid of them.

[Joseph] /Finally/.

[Corrigible] ... And now we can go back to merely having /three/ characters per thread.

[Yar] Shh.

*Woogy and Laguna will find themselves here: F1881348?thread=553531 where, we hope, they will meet their doom at the hands of a boss*

[Yar] Something just occurred to me.

[Corrigible] Yeah?

[Yar] Maybe they'll get killed by the boss, but the boss might be a little ... injured by the time /we/ get to 'im. [looks at paintings] Assuming we have to go through all three.

And I dunno about that- this looks almost like an intersection, with four ways we could go- one back, one forward, and two diversions.

We know which one takes us back to where we came, unless there's something weird going on around here with space-time, which I wouldn't put past the guy that turned me into a lizard-ant-man.

I guess the question is, which way is forward.

*Examines the third painting.*

Can anyone make out what these nametags say?

[Yar] [squints] Uh ... let's see ... [attempts to use the Force to see it more clearly]