h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Despite being impossibly intelligent i am confused, should I join the dark forces of Evil Girrafe or ally with the super dooper super heroes

Join the forces of Evil! We need another animal, and ferrets have an inherent evilness about them. Plus join now, and you get a peice of Lemon Discordial, and a plastic statue of Eris, the Goddess of Confusion!

Loz, don't be stereotyped! You look a hansome fellow with your pointy snout and beady eyes which are too close together. Come and join the side of good and we'll fix you up with some plastic surgery to put that squint right. And get a good dentist to sort out your overbite.
And, perhaps a personal hygienist to...

I will join the Forces of Good, although you do already seem to have enough vegetables on your side...
No matter. I like battling for justice.

**strikes heroic pose, but effect is ruined when belt snaps and trousers fall down**

Yes, It is the stereotype that Ferrets that have their eyes too close join the forces of good! don't listen to that stereotype! Besides, will they give you a snack and a plastic statue of their god? I think not!!! Gwahahahahahahahahahahaha! Yah, yah, yah! Bffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!

No No!!
Join evil, we have the best tea, (if not, currently, the best tea pot..) I have biscuits too, and we'll throw you in a menacing laugh
Join Evil!

Yes, her tea is quite good! Gwahahahahahahahaha! yah yah yah! Bfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!

Loz, You are welcomed into the ranks of Evil. I think that there is a guide being produced to let you know which forum this titanic struggle rages across ... I think it's 5 or 6 now. Someone throw me a frickin' bone.

Evil laughs are becoming de riguer ... is your s something along the lines of "Tp tp tp tp tp"?

There are some standard questions that I am obliged to ask you to establish the extent of your evil.

1. What are your evil powers?
2. What was your last evil accomplishment?
3. Just how evil are you?

You also have to complete an induction mission, a rite of passage if you prefer. You are to sneak up on Vesty and chew through the elastic on his underpants with your super sharp ferret incisor teeth. It's a dirty job, but...

Fate, get the tea ready, Loz is going to need some to take away the taste!

Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-haaaaaaa-haaaaaaaa!

And the Lemon Dischordial will go nicely with the tea.

What you will get, if you join the forces of evil, is amercan made tea, which is of no good use to anybody. They haven't read Douglas Adams' thread about tea on his userpage, and hence they pour not-boiling water on the leafs, thus creating a tea that no man or woman should have to drink. Join the Goodies, who know how to make proper tea! Besides, we might have TWO teapots an a moment...

Hello, likkle Vestboy. My, aren't you getting tall. Remember me, your auntie Edna?

Ummmm....Vestboy? There's a lady over there who seems to know you. Is that your mum? Are we going to get in to trouble? *Looks worried and walks slowly backwards toward the door.*

Be scared, Vestie. Aunts always want to give you horrible wet kisses on the mouth.....euuchh!!

I think Evil Giraffe and his hired minions were a bit previous accepting the ferret on to their side. I didn't catch the bit where a decision was made...but that's evil for you, making an ass out of u and umption.

By the way, Duke...this ICQ thing: wha'appen, my man? I'm all registered...

I have many types of tea in my various caddies, we have Earl Grey (loose), Pg tips (bags), plus a whole range of exciting and original herbal varities and many others too...
You may have my best tea pot too, but not my huge canteen one, or the silver one, and if push comes to shove I'm more than capable of brewing up really good tea using just boiling water a mug and a tea bag.

Do you have any of that really disgusting herbal stuff that smells of tomcats? You couldn't brew an entire canteen of that for us, could you Fate?

Now THAT'S evil...

Olaf, If you're registered you should have been provided with a UIN-number. Mine, for instance (this goes for you too, Vestie) is 40500911. If you now press the button named "Add" in the ICQ-window, you can insert my UIN in the proper slot and press search. The robot will find my name and show it, and you just double click it. Voila, as they say...

Wait a minute! We're hired minions?!? I didn't get paid for anything I've done so far!!!

That's your true evil for you...

You must realise that to be an evil minion makes you truly dispensible (a bit like being the proud wearer of the red vest in the original Star Trek). Once Evil Giraffe has no more need of you...you're toast (with tea, if Fate has any say in it, which, as a minion, she doesn't, really).

Thanks for the info, Duke: cor..the Twentieth Century, eh?

Well, well, well! I believe we can sense a bit of an uprising among the evil bunch. Uproar, protests, berzerk, we might hope? That's the spirit, just play the game right in our hands...*Yummies with pleasure*

It's always the same, Duke. Evil never learns. All you have to do is get them to band together (by setting up a Good Forum, for example) and before you know it they're knocking spots off each other. Simple.

Of course, I wouldn't know any of this if I hadn't watched "Buffy, The Vampire Slayer".