Uxbridge English Dictionary
Posted May 30, 2015
From time to time - and especially now that I am losing a bit of hearing and not always able to tell what people are exactly saying I've decided to put down some definitions that follow the guidelines of the "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" game show on BBC Radio 4.
I feel qualified for this as I live in Uxbridge, Middlesex, UK. For those who are unsure of the sense of this reference for many years people have talked about students who would like to get into OXford or CamBRIDGE as Oxbridge candidates. It is said to be a very prestigious achievement to enter these hallowed places. The Radio 4 show makes fun of "the establishment" as well as just about everything else that it cares to. Uxbridge being at the western edge of Greater London, is sort of seen as beyond the fringe and worthy of contempt. It also sounds a bit like Oxbridge and so has a pseudo academic ring - perfect for an iffy reference book.
Please feel free to add any definitions that come into your head. If at first you don't get them say them out loud and think like and English person.
Forensic - container for poultry vomit
Mascarpone - prepare a small horse before it gets a go at the piñata.
Parliament - the song people sing when dad dies
Maintenance - the people you thought you rented your property to - before they sublet.
Eagle - gull found on the internet
Copulate - gang member's comments to tardy policeman
Nitrate - overtime for working while it's dark
Posted Oct 26, 2014
My granddaughter who is 3 found a wind up torch in the house and realised that it would light up if she turned the handle. When she had got the hang of this she proceeded to point it at my face and wind furiously shining the blinding light straight into my eyes and laughing as I whined and whinged at her antics. I now wish to rewrite the definition of torture (maybe for the Uxbridge English dictionary) to include being abused with a torch.
Pun-ishment for economic revival
Posted Feb 22, 2014
On HOT UK Deals (a bargain spotting website) the top voted deal a few weeks back was not for a saving in money but for a great pun in the title. A camping shop had a good deal on those canvas things that you sleep under and the person who spotted the bargain had the headline, "Now is the winter of our discount tent!"
So if we prefer a pun to actually saving money then I thought that good business names would be those that have puns in them. I've seen a few on-line, but thought that there must be some better ones around. So how about coming up with a business idea and a great name for the company.
Hairdressers often go for this approach like "Curl up and Dye" or whatever. I've seen a bar on-line called "Tequila Mockingbird".
Small delivery vehicle stunt driving company - A Show of Vans
CCTV company - Day Vid Camera On
Mannequin dresser - A Doll Fitter
Laundry company - Awsomer Bed Linen
Off to Oz, but not for long
Posted May 29, 2013
I've just booked a flight to go back to Australia for a visit to say farewell to my friends who I left in such a rush. I'm looking forward to it.
Mrs Vestie hits the road
Posted May 23, 2013
Driver Vehicle Licencing Authority (DVLA)have given Mrs Vestie the go ahead to drive again after her head injury and she took off solo a couple of days ago for the first time. Yay!