h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This continues the "We need more superheroes forum". Evil giraffes not allowed.

I wish to enter your league of Heroes. I am ManBoy, the hero with the body of an overweight 45 year old man, but the mind of a six year old child! And I run with scissors!

Welcome Manboy! We need more people with your sort of gut. Guts I mean.
You have scissors. We have cellotape. Most of it has been round my legs but that's another story.
We are on the path of an evil mob led by Evil Giraffe. Known to his friends as... he hasn't got any, so we'll never know.

I've jsut been redirected here from the other forum. Duke that was a clever move. Welcome back Leeloo. You need the love of a good man? Superheroes form a line! Hansomest and most likeable at the front.

Stop pushing in front of me!

All she needs to do is take a glance at my pic on my page, and I'm the lucky winner...

Manboy, we welcome you too amongst us. We are many now. Meet amongst others Vestboy; the hero of elastic underwear, Olaf; king of vikinghelmets with pointy horns on them, and me; lord of annoying facial hair. I'll let the others introduce themselves.

Hello ManBoy,
To some I am known as TRED...to others...well, they mostly call me TRED too. I carry with me an amazing Zippo which has come through for me in many pinches and also served me well in lighting some fine cigars and used as a sign of appreciation at a few concerts as well.
It's been a couple days since I was on here, but as I recall last, I was trapped in an evil quagmire by Evil Giraffe and had no way of escaping...and hardly any lighter fluid left in my Zippo...and my trusty towel, Sam, was stolen by none other than the Evil Giraffe himself. Perhaps one of my fellow superhero friends has saved me in the last few days and I was unaware of it...

Haha...off to the other threads I go, to see if I have been saved unbeknownst to myself. Ha Ha Ha! (superhero, I'm-now-leaving-the-room-to-go-see-if-I-was-rescued-without-me-knowing-it laugh)

Well, I’ve deliberated, masticated and conjugated and have come to the conclusion that there is but one Good Man worthy of my love. That is the original Super Hero who cast his spell over me weeks ago - Vestboy - are you up to the challenge of filling Brucies underwear?

*thinks* The superheroes appear to be gathering but I can't take them all on at once.
-Beats hasty retreat-

Hiding will do you no good you motley bunch of part-time "heroes". While you have been doing week-endy type things the plots have thickened and the nooses tightened.

I would sum up for you all, but evil sever summarises!

Bwa-ha-ha yadda-yadda-yadda!

[hides...attempting to avoid any noose-like objects]

TRED! Are you with this bunch of goody goodys or are you with evil?? It's no good hiding like that, there's a trail of blood leaking from your hand...

In response to this threat, ManBoy sits down and cries. He then plays with scissors for a bit, then demands some milk.

Even though it wasn't directed towards him.

The threat, I mean. Not the milk.

Okay, wait...pause the program here...since when did I lose a hand? I was merely using a metaphor corellating my situation with that of Luke Skywalker, main character in the best saga of all time. If you examine my situation as is, you will notice how closely it correlates. You all are attempting to drag me over to the evil side while I have inner turmoil trying to convince myself that the good side is better, while the quicker, easier, more seductive evil side...well, seduces me with it's ease and speed. I have not, litterally, lost a hand...yet...though I cannot fully remove it from the realm of possibility by the way things have been happening to me lately. I've been trapped in a quagmire, lost my fluid for my trusty Zippo, and now am drugged beyond my control by a cup of your incredibly good tea.

Manboy, Evil offers you milk.

Bwaaaa-haaa-ha-ha-Kootchie-kootchie-koo

It is evilly good tea, mwa.
C'mon, join us you know you want to...

No! Don't go with them! I want to borrow your Zippo! And I carry lighter fluid! We could be a team. Think about it: TRED and ManBoy! (Heroic music plays for three seconds and then fades out pathetically)