h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

From the "Princess Bride" - all time classic film

When Wesley and Buttercup are in the fire swamp...

"its not so bad...and the trees are quite lovely"

From Empire Records - Warren has just been caught shoplifting:

Joe: Why don't you hold these up to your chest, go over to the wall; and let them take some photgraphs of you?

Warren: Why don't you shove them up your a*s?

Lucas: Because that would hurt a lot, Warren.

Liam.

turkish in snatch.

'how long those sausages gonna be?'

'two minutes boss.'

*a couple of mins go by*

'are those sausages done yet?'

'three minutes boss.'

'it was two minutes three minutes ago, how can it be three minutes now?'

'dunno boss'

or

'you are not a salmon'

From Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Buffy - What are you doing here. In five words or less
Spike - Out. For. A. Walk. Bit*h

lovely jubbley

i don't know who said this originally but it was on an email i just got..

"A friend will help you move house. A really good friend will help you
move a body"

From Donnie Darko:
Gretchen "Donnie Darko, strange name, are you some kind of Superhero or something?"
Donnie "Who says i'm not"


From No One Lives Forever:
"You look like you need a monkey"

"any lie no matter how absurd, if repeated often enough, will eventually be belived" -Nazi Profanda minister Goebbels

dunno if thats the exact words but that has the same meaning

My two favourite quotes are:

LEV YASHIN · "The joy of seeing Yuri Gagarin flying in space is only superseded by the joy of a good penalty save"

FRANK ZAPPA · "You can’t be a real country unless you have beer and an airline. It helps if you have a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need beer."

Just thought of another good one, this time from Star Trek: Voyager. 7 of 9: Remove your hand or I will remove your arm

"If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research"
- Wilson Mizner

Never invest in any idea you can't illustrate with a crayon.

Peter Lynch

"John Lennon once said 'I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.' Makes sense, after all he WAS the Walrus.
I could be the Walrus, but I'd still have to bum rides off of people!"

...... or ANYTHING by Ferris Bueller

'Man being reasonable must get drunk
The best of life is intoxication'

Byron

"Silence please for the cabaret. I have pleasure in presenting those glamorous Grandmothers, the three Beverly Sisters!

Correction, the Beverly Twins!

Miss Beverly will now sing -

Everybody dance!"
- Peter Sellers in the Goon show

"I was a boxer, they called me Kid Gorgeous.
Then I was Kid presentable.
Then kid grusome,
then finally kid moe."

The legendary Moe Syzlack in The Simpsons (Episode title The Homer They Fall for those who care!)

"SHAMELESS PLUG FOR THE 2CD ANNUAL HOOTOO HARVEST FESTIVAL" A1143893

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Sir Winston Churchill" He also serves who only stands and waits"

People change and forget to tell each other.

- Lillian Hellman

"reality is for people who can't handle drugs" the fabulous furry freak brothers