h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"If you're going to insult somebody first walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away and you have their shoes". Dunno who said it, but it was somebody on H2G2....

Well, it is sort of a quote...
It's from the Calvin & Hobbes comic in the daily paper.

Calvin : I am a genius, but a misunderstood genius.
Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you?
Calvin: Nobody thinks I am a genius.

You've got to like that, it describes so many people on H2G2,
-The Sciolist

unconventionaly good looking = good looking except nobody thinks so

I think thats a quote

or a bit like a quote

and I think I heard it somewhere

Obviously not the same Rat then. Sorry.

still Rat of some sort though

Be the master of your will and the slave of your conscience

-Chasidic Saying

"If you're not in bed by ten, come home"

<>

That one is a paraphrase of Billy Connolly, who also said..

"Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swearwords (If you don't count Wagner....) "

There are a couple:
-the one on the shawshank redemption poster that says: "Fear can keep a man prisoner, but hope can set him free."

-this one's just for fun: "Due to economic difficulties, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off."

-I don't know who this is (suggestions would be good!): "God said let there be light, but Northwest electricity board said thy couldn't have it till next tuesday. God saw the light and it was good, then he saw the electricity bill and it was not good."

"It may be my soul purpose in life to serve as wornings for the others" [A bloke with poor luck]


Dancer

"Who am I? Where am I? Why Am I?" a bloke with no luck

peace.

"He who makes a beast of himself
gets rid of the pain of being a man"
Samuel Johnson

...and...

"As your attorney, I advise you to have another drink"
The original Dr. Gonzo

"The day my boat comes in....
...I'll be at the airport."

Schulz's Charlie Brown

'I am having as much fun as a monkey....'
Che Guevara, in a letter to his mother when he was caught up in the US bombing of Guatamala, after Guatamala had the termerity to vote someone the US didn't want in power to power...
BCNU - Crescent

Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know

Groucho Marx, aswell as the old favourite:

Last night I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know.

A punk stopped me on the street. He said, 'You got a light mac?'
I said, 'No, but I've got a dark brown overcoat'

-Viv Stanshall

tis the season -

"Santa is jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live."

-Dennis Miller

'Your words are meaningful, but have no practical purpose.'

I can't remember where this come from, but I do know that it is both ancient and Chinese...

Inside every older person is a younger
person - wondering what the hell happened.

The hardest years in life are those
between ten and seventy. Helen Hayes (at 73)

I refuse to think of them as chin
hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
Janette Barber-

Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"?
Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an
envelope and send it to someone.
* Jan King-

A few weeks after my surgery, I
went out to play catch with my golden retriever. When I bent
over to pick up the ball, my prosthesis fell out.
The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him
down the road yelling, "Hey, come back here
with my breast!" Linda Ellerbee-

You know the hardest thing about
having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your
eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears.
* Geri Jewell-

A male gynecologist is like an auto
mechanic who never owned a car.
* Carrie Snow-

Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
* Laurie Kuslansky-

My second favorite household chore is
ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I
faint. * Erma Bombeck-

Old age ain't no place for sissies.
* Bette Davis-

A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.
Rhonda Hansome-

The phrase "working mother" is
redundant. * Jane Sellman-

Every time I close the door on reality it
comes in through the windows.
Jennifer Unlimited-

Whatever women must do they must do twice
as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not
difficult. Charlotte Whitton-

Thirty-five is when you finally get
your head together and
your body starts falling apart.
Caryn Leschen-

I try to take one day at a time, but
sometimes several days attack
me at once. Jennifer Unlimited-

If you can't be a good example, then
you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
Catherine Aird-

I'm not offended by all the dumb
blonde jokes because I know
I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde.
* Dolly Parton-

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb
women, but you hardly ever
see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
* Erica Jong-

If high heels were so wonderful, men
would still be wearing them.
Sue Grafton-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears
makes one you can ride on. Roseanne Barr-

I think---therefore I'm single.
* Lizz Winstead-

When women are depressed they either eat
or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Elayne Boosler-

Behind every successful man is a surprised
woman. Maryon Pearson-

In politics, if you want anything said,
ask a man-if you want anything done, ask a woman.
Margaret Thatcher-

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on
how to combine marriage
and a career. Gloria Steinem-

If men can run the world, why
can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to
start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
Linda Ellerbee-

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time
I leave a man I keep his house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor-

Nobody can make you feel inferior
without your permission. Eleanor Roosevelt-

Musician: You're playing the wrong notes
Eric Morcambe: No, I'm playing all the right notes. Just not necessarily in the right order.

'Are you saying 'BLAH'? 'Cause all I am hearing is 'BLAH'!'

My sisters friend Simon, tho' if it is his, or he got it elsewhere I do not know. Until later....
BCNU - Crescent