h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*looks up, entranced* Oooooh, a ride! Looks like more fun than transporting!

*overcoming her fear, Lil clambers up the spiral staircase, on all fours where the rocks force her toward the edge*

Plaster of Paris!

*goes through the turnstyle triumphantly and enters the next cable car*

*enters one of the cable cars with a firm grip of Ripley, who is holding a firm grip himself, with his long arms wrapped around Titania's neck*

*follows Lil and T*

*steps into a 'Cast Members Only' car*

Wait for me!

*Follows Caer.*

B4, did you gather up the tea service?

*looks around for seat belts or restraints and finds none*

*observes that the cable car is quite comfortable, with padded upholstery and elbow rests, and that in front of her is a little steering wheel of the sort you find in airplanes, and a joystick*

I wonder if these controls are dodgem quality? Or rather, I wonder if they work?

Amy, do you want to ride with me and navigate? Assuming we have any control...

*clambers up next to Lil*

*folds herself more neatly than might be expected into a cable car*

*extracts a map from the glove compartment and starts to study it*

http://www.asterlil.com/h2g2/mothergoose/mgcrossroad.htm

*Pansy has managed yet another change of dress and has exchanged the climbing outfit for a large green and yellow horizontally striped ski suit and some goggles. She lifts the goggles off and reads the sign carefully, then looks around at the assorted cast.*

Well, I think I can see quite a lot from that list here but I don't believe we have any "Divas of Questionable Persuasion" yet. I do hope one shows up soon.

*Pansy looks into the car at the seating arrangement so far.*

Shove up everyone! I'm sure there's room for a little one.

*The cable car creaks loudly as Pansy climbs in and places her own very well padded upholstery down with a thud.*

*dithers for a moment or two, wondering if the cable car could take one more. The thought of being left on her own overrides her caution and she enters*


Miss Pansy, that is a lovely outfit, so practical and such pretty springtime colours.

I could do with a pair of goggles like that for when my cleaning out the hearths.

*The string of solo cars and group carriages shudders from the front car to the back*

tik tik tik


The Extremely Wild Ride welcomes all passengers to the glorious experience that is Me!

The-management-states-that-by-remaining-in-the-cars-the passenger-hereinafterknownasThePassenger-does-agree-to-waive-all-rights-to-legal-recourse-regarding-injury-as-a-result-of-travelling-on-the-Extremely-Wild-Ride-hereinafterknownastheEWR-or-to-mental-stress-and/or-insanity-arising-from-the-experiences-incurred-while-travelling-on-the-EWR-or-as-a-result-of-anything-that-happens-on-this-island-quite-frankly.

There is a small compartment in each car in which you will find No-Panic sunglasses in the event that the ride to becomes too wild. When you don these glasses they will obscure your vision when you become overwhelmed with fear, although I really don't see how this helps.

You will notice that the cars possess controls for left-right banking and for dive-and-climb. These are attached to scramblers so that the results of using the controls will be unpredictable. Our hydraulics feature the patented Tron amplification system, so whatever you do will have a definite and sudden response.

If you ignore the controls, your ride will continue indefinitely. Won't that be fun?

I won't be taking off yet -- sensors indicate that not everyone has summitted the spire -- so you all have time to decide whether you wish to fly solo or elect a pilot and copilot for the group carriages.

Please secure all valuables and liquids.

No safety belts are supplied, so don't waste your time looking for them.

No spitting.

Thank you! And have a GREAT ride!

(B4 steps warily through the door into the multi-passenger car, checks for an available space, settles in next to Witty Moniker, and leans to whisper in her ear.)

Ya know, Witty, it's odd, but I never clear the tea service myself. Yet, it shows up in my satchel, ready for use, the next time I reach in for it. It's just the oddest thing, but who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?

(He rummages under his seat and finds what he's looking for.)

Almost like the life vests the airlines provide, aren't they? He-he...
Um, Lil, could I have one of the joysticks? Ya know, if we don't use one, the ride lasts forever, but if we go totally gonzo with the controls, it could be a really short trip...

B4thescreamin'starts

Post 81 -- I entered the next cable car! Amy and I are in one of the single-seaters.


*shouts over to the carriage car that B4 is in* There must be a console -- cockpit in the front of the car, look in the front!

*has another look over the controls and begins to feel dubious* I wonder if results are TOTALLY unpredictable or whether the controls are simply mapped in a strange way that can nevertheless be figured out?

I don't think it a good idea that I have anything to do with the controls as I can't even steer Lara around. Silly woman keeps bouncing off walls, leaping into chasms and letting go when she should be hanging on. I still haven't completed Tomb Raider 3 yet . Just don't ask about Resident Evil 2, I haven't even got out of the prison yet.

*snorts at the sunglasses*

*pulls out her and Ripley's s - just in case*

*eyes the controls in front of her suspiciously*

*A roughly cylindrical cloud drifts by.*

I'll ride in the multi-passenger car with B4.


Well, that's a handy tea service, indeed. No cleaning up necessary.

As far as I'm concerned, you can handle all the controls.

*Digs a dramamine out of her tote bag and knocks it back.*

Um... I knew that. Yeah. I knew that! (shouts to Lil in the other cable car) Thanks! I’ll root around for the controls...up front somewhere...in THIS cable car!

(B4 haltingly clambers to the front to search)
‘Scuse me, Witty. Pardonez moi, Caer. Howdy, Ti, I just need to step past ya to get to--Oh, Ripley! Lemme scratch behind your ear... Good, huh? Okay, Cinders, I’m gonna step forward just a bit more. Pansy, you’re kinda blocking the controls with your bos--...your knoc--...your ti--...your protuberances--no!--... Look, couldya just cinch up a bit and lemme grab this joystick? ... Stop grinnin’! I’m talkin’ about the control panel over here.

(B4 ‘checks his six’ [pilot talk; looking rearward to prevent a surprise attack], then notices there’s been no pilot SEAT written into the description for the control console, only the passenger seating.)

Hey, waitaminit! How’m I s’posed to use this joystick while standin’ up?

Well… Okay. Maybe I do have some similar experience to draw on…
SaysnomoreB4gettingbanned

*left far behind as she stood transfixed, enjoying the view from the Spire and resisting the urge to HOWL her heart out (because it's rude, and it's just not the same in daylight) Thistle dashes up the the turnstile. She notes that the mark for "Lycanthropes -No mater what age" is just a tad higher than the tips of her ears, but well below the top of her huge hair bow. She decides to brazenly walk on by as if nothing is the mater, hoping no one notices (besides, a Critter's costume is effectively part of the Critter, as any illistrator).

This is going to be so Coool!!! Can I drive? I'm a good driver! At least I'm sure I could be. Can I, can I?!