h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Purr] OOooh, nice sshot on the Cow, Thisstle! Hope that didn't clabberr it's milk.

**Purr scans the room and the relative positions of all the bumper cars.**

[Purr] (into his cupped paws, addressing Thistle) Tail Gunnerr to Pilot; Tail Gunnerr to Pilot! Yeou have bogiess at yeour thrree o'clock AND yeour nine o'clock possitions! Rrecommend yeou go ffull thrrottle with thiss crrate!

**Purr notes the drivers and occupants of the cars converging on theirs, grins broadly, reaches into his vest and pulls forth a large water balloon. Standing uncomfortably in the small cab, he attempts to zero in on an approaching windscreen.**

[Purr] See if yeou can see with THISS in yeour fface!!!

And another sorting herself on our 4...er...10...er...over that way. No way out but back. They can't smash us if they can't catch us.

*Thistle goes into reverse and floors it. She steers gently to the right, arching away from her persuers and picking up speed. She's pretty good at driving backwards.*


*she notes Purr's posturing with the water balloon and grumbles under her breath* Oh, good one, cat, provoce them when we're being triple teamed.

**Caught off-gaurd by Thistle Howl's sudden reversal of direction, Purr loses his grip on the water balloon and bobbles it back and forth for a few seconds, trying to grab it. Instead of coming under control, the water balloon inexplicably slips out of his grasp, shoots upward in a slow-motion arc, and comes back down (naturally) right between Purr's ears. A gush of water drenches him, and a minor cascade spatters Thistle Howl's pretty little bow.**

[Purr] Phthfft-fft-fft! Wha--? Again?! Phthfft. Thiss is morre than jusst coincidence. Therre is ssome higherr powerr at w*rrk here! Does it SAY in the scrript "wet cat in everry act"?

*Thistle clears her bow out of her eyes, yet again; she hope that now that it lies flat no one will call her on her height and kick her of the ride. A single drop of water hangs from the tip of her nose, she removes it with a shake of her head.*

Thistle find open court, by avoiding colisions she soon picks up tremendous speed (a trick most bumpercar drives overlook)(and cars move as fast in reverse as forward). Soon she has arched around to flank those who would smack her.

She hits Lil and Amy HARD!

Ooof!

I thought that critter was supposed to be cute . Flip forward and hit her from underneath, Lil.

*does as Amy orders, and then backs off, makes a run and wrenches the wheel, doing a sideways skid into Thistle and Purr*

Let's go after the big car again! *accelerates forward*

*hangs on tight*

Great driving, Lil!

*rams Thistle amidships*

[Back]: Hooray! That'll learn her.

[Front]: Oh, look at the lovely mirrors over there, I look so tall and thin.

[Back]: They still couldn't legally label you as lean meat though.

>BUMP!<

[Purr] Hey, Lil! Ffancy rruning into yeou herre! Or rratherr, being rrun into by yeou...
>BUMP!<
[Purr] Hoof! Queen of Dairry! Sstop horrsing arround like thiss and ffind a differrent tarrget!

**In an effort to mitigate the dousing both he and Thistle received by the unplanned "water balloon fiasco", Purr locates a and begins to dab up all the wet spots. He deftly dries Thistle's nose, then remarks--**

[Purr] Thisstle, yeou sseem to be wet behind the earrs, though not in the capacity of a drriverr. Let meow jusst wipe off yeour bow...

**He fluffs up her pretty little bow and surreptitiously puts a few curls into the locks of hair between her ears.**

[Purr] Therre now! Good as new. Oh, aim forr that carr overr therre!

**He finishes drying himself off, then climbs up onto the back of the seat. He's hanging out of the top of the cable car, paws held wide apart, as if attempting to let the speed-induced breeze complete the drying cycle. As Thistle executes another amazing manuever with the bumper car, Purr is suddenly run head-long (literally) into B4, who was floating out of harm's way (so he thought). The impact knocks Purr back onto the floorboards of the car, and sends B4 spinning out of control toward the windows.**

AIE-AIE-AIE-AIE-AIEeeeeeeeee--

>-SPLAT!-<

}Sssqueeeeeee-eee-ee-eak.{

Ouch.

Oooops, drove right into a nest of hostiles, didn't I? And sorry, Ms. Amy, but there's no advantage to playing it cute. No mater what I did you would all still want to crash into the Darn Cat, so I might as well mix it up a little.

*she stops by the mirrors to check her bow* Thank you Mr. Purr. Um, do I have to tip you?

Mr. Purr? Mr. Purr? What...oh boy, that's going to leave a mark.

*Thistle executes her best manuver, she finds a clear spot where she can build up speed (that is to say, she runs away).*

*suddenly all the cars slow down and form back into a line*

*two robot arms deploy and pluck B4 and the hysterical egg from the floor. B4 is returned to his former seat while Humpty Dumpty is placed with Lil and Amy*


Right then you've had your say!
We can't hang round here all day!
Time for all you happy creatures
To move along and meet the features
Of the Gingerbreaded House.
So look ahead! It's time to Dowse!

*With this, the line of cars begins to move again. Doors open amongs the mirrors and the line of cars accelerates out of the Big Room and down a wide tunnel*

*The cars move noiselessly, but a thundering sound becomes louder and louder until they round a curve and find themselves on s steep slope heading toward a wall of water*

.......

*through the waterfall and into Row Row Lake*

*the cars are now effectively a row of gondolas which bob sedately through the mild waves and up to a wooden jetty*

Oh rats! I was really getting into the bumper cars thing!

*disembarks onto the jetty clutching the map ( http://www.asterlil.com/h2g2/mothergoose/mgmap.htm )*

I think we have to go SE down this road *points* to the crossroads and then swap threads to go southwestish and then north to the Gingerbread Cottage.

*hurries after Amy, in the hopes of having time for or something more substantial....*

We'll stop for at the crossroads to give everyone a chance to catch up.

I would like to thank everyone for their patronage. The Extremely Wild Ride is always available for group outings. Just pop in at the personal space for this ride and make your reservations!

Please watch your step on the way out.

Come on Cinders, time for a change of scene!

*shoulders her swag bag, adjusts her mask and steps on to the path*