h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* Pulls his legs up as high as he can to avoid anyone grabbing them. *

*reaches in her backpack for her towel and covers the lower half of her face*


This is too realistic.

No petting zone? Awwww.

*Thistle releases her spider over the top of the car.*

I"ve got it as high as the controls will allow, Mr. Purr. I can slip past the other cars, but I don't think Mr. Humpty will clear. We'll have to wait until everyone else moves. It's a real bummer that we were put at the end of the line, darn it!

Hey, what's this button do?

What shall I do with passengers that JUST DON'T LISTEN? What shall I do?

*the line of cars has moved through the last of the catacombs and now pauses over a black abyss*

You try to provide all the thrills a funseeker could possibly dream of and they still want to go off on their own, or mess with the equipment or or or

*these last words are echoes: all of the cars are suddenly dropping like stones, free-falling into the darkness*

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gulp!

A
I
I
I
E
E
E
!
!
!

*secretly enjoying herself, as she has always wanted to try the free falling thing*

[Ripley] Hic!

Hic!

Hic!

(As the cable car plunges into the abyss, B4--being the only passenger not seated--loses contact with the deck and drifts toward the opening in the ceiling. He only just manages to reach out and latch onto the edge as he passes out into open space, and ends up fluttering--similar to his trenchcoat and satchel--like a ribbon streamer tied to a thrown rock. In this case, the rock happens to be an EWR cable car with passengers, but who's splitting s?)

Never again! I swear I'll never mess with anything electronic again! Not a computer or telly or toaster. No radios or microwaves or fridges. Not a department store automatic door, nor even a light switch at home...

(The cable car hurtles downward and the wind of its passage buffets B4 mercilessly, billowing his coat and occasionally whipping various small items from his satchel. They tumble and spin beside and behind him as the cable car plummets into the void, showing no signs of slowing.)

Wow! This is like falling down the Rabbit Hole…only Alice doesn’t live here any more! Okay, EWR! Alright! I give in! I'm 'crying Uncle', so ease up, how about?!

This is teeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiffffffffyyyyyyiiiiiiiiinnnnnnggggggg!

[Purr] Meeeowrrrl...!

**Fighting his natural instinct to splay out all four paws in order to land properly on his feet after this ghastly fall, Purr clutches tighter to the bullwhip and 'puckers' to the point his tail is canting the pilot's seat at a slight angle.**

[Purr] Thisstle? Is it maiy imagination, or is ourr frriend the egg-man rrising as we ffall? Does it look to yeou as iff Humpty is on top of uss neow? Perrhaps he's ffound rreligion and has decided to go out on the 'missionarry' field...

*mouth wide open in a soundless scream, gone beyond terror*

*desperately resists the urge to morf into another form - a form with wings*

*notices that the weigt of the is gradually lessening*

*throws a sideway glance at Mary to see if she has noticed*

Chérie, hold on tight!

Yipeeeeeeeee! Yahooooooooooooooo! Wha..? Oh, right, Mr. Humpty. Hmmm, we should be falling at the same rate, but if I can reduce drag or resistance or whatever then we should ease under Mr. Humpty.

*grins whickedly*

You realize that means we'll go faster! Now let's see, get the nose down...what does this thing have for flaps...

I'm almost weightless with the speed of the fall!

*The Extremely Wild Ride applies brakes gently until the cars are floating as if from parachutes, then lands each one onto the smooth floor of a very large room*

*fun mirrors line the walls on three sides of the room, causing all sorts of interesting distortions to whatever is reflected. On the fourth side is a line of huge windows looking out over the grounds of the Gingerbread House*

And now, Happy Passengers, it's time for... DODGEMS!! Free-for-all!! Work off those aggressions on your friends!

*the cars spread out until they are evenly distributed across the floor, then fall quiet, waiting for their pilots to take up the controls*

[Purr] Humpty! NOW would be a grreat time to enterr a cable carr! RRIGHT NOW!

**Purr's eyes grow wide with terror at the thought of a fellow Cast member being inadvertantly turned into scrambled eggs.**

(As the cable cars decelerated, B4 was slung over the front of the conveyance, his face plastered against the windscreen until they all settled in the large mirrored room. He then slid down along the glass with a comical 'squeaking' noise, to land in a heap in front of the machine. Having heard the EWR's latest announcement, he bounded to his feet in order to dash to safety. The multiple mirrored images of the cable cars combined with the view through the windows, however, cause him no slight disorientation and his first attempt to take a step find him colliding with a large metal object.)

OOoommff!

(He lands on his keister with a bounce, scrabbles to his hands and knees, feels along the length of the cable car [unwittingly taking the LONG way around], and then begins to fumble with the door latch.)

Um... lemme in, okay? Hey, someoneopenthedoorrightnowcauseIgottagetin!

(He's practically beside himself with consternation, all the while pushing and pulling the door handle frantically.)

*Smiles knowingly at the Stranger.*

I had the strangest urge when we were falling...

*Leans on the joystick, pushing it forwards. The car lurches ahead and bumps into the car that B4 is standing beside, sending it skittering away from him.*

Ohh! Did *I* do that?

*A grin slowly spreads over Mary's face. She grips the joystick, takes a deep breath, and slams it forward again*

WHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEE HHHAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!!

*coming out from under the seat, all adjust their fedoras and hook their canes into the dashboard any way they can*

1: Robyn Bankes, Robyn Bankes, driving through the den
2: Robyn Bankes, Robyn Bankes, making fenders bend
3: She whams other cars, sends them skidding afar,
All: Dum dum dum, dee dee dum, dum dum dum ...

2: Oh, they said there are mirrors.
3: I remember mirrors.
1: We shall use our noses to help.

All: Robyn, Robyn, a cat is ahead.
Steer the car at him and scare him half dead!

Yaaaaaaaaaa...!!! Look out, you silly shepherd-ess...um...lady sheep herder type person...um...you road-raged tender of ruminant mammals (sic. Ovis aries) bent on bashing cable cars without prior provocation!

(B4 leaps out of the way [almost] of Mary's second onslaught with the cable car cum bumper buggy, but the side mirror of the vehicle snags his satchel strap and spins him willy-nilly like a whirling dervish across the floor. His pivotal progress is slowed only by a catastrophic collision with the mirrored masonary farthest from the wall of windows.)

>-SPLAT!-< Squeee-e-e-e-eee-eee-eak...

(He slides down the glass in a heap. Oh, deja vu!)