h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*puts away towel and looks around* OK Amy, you can have second choice of who to ram.

*t-bones Titania and Ripley* Yoo-hoo!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha! *backs off and rams them again amidships {which is what t-boning is}*

*scans the playing field for cars that might collide with Humpty, prepares to intercept them.*

Awe, man, this stinks, I want to play too!

Ok Cinders, hang on even tighter we going to have some fun!

*steers the 'bumper car' at Mysterious Stranger's*

Here we go!

[Purr] Ai have come to the conclussion that any furrther attachmentss to Humpty Dumpty can only cause morre damage to everryone concerrned.

**Purr drops the bullwhip, opens the cable car door momentarily, and kicks the handle end out onto the floor.**

[Purr] Humpty, as a famouss alien once ssaid in a ssimilarr ssituation, "Ffly and be ffree!"

<-- BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

*Mary whips around to see what is bothering the , but is too late. Robyn's car slams into the left rear corner of the car, sending it spinning away. Mary good-naturedly shakes her fist at Robyn.*

I'll get you!!!!!

**Purr turns to Thistle wearing a humongous Cheshire Cat grin, and it's not hard to determine what's on his mind.**

[Purr] Thisstle, dearr little lycanthrrope, go ahead and "put the pedal to the metal", as our Amerrican frriends so aptly ssay!

**He scrunches in behind the pilot seat, wedging himself between it and rear window, his paws gripping the opening in the cab for support.**

OK, this means war! Ripley - take over the steering wheel!

*picks up Ripley on her lap so that he'll be able to reach the controls*

*uses his long arms (and legs) to spin the wheel around really fast, suddenly making the car go backwards in a wide circle*

Meeeeeep!

*barely misses some cars until backing into Lil's and Amy's car from the opposite direction*



*quickly spins the wheel the other way around to make the car go forward again*

*has sustained a slight head injury in the collisions*

What? Where? Who am I?

*scoops Amy up and places her on top of her back pack where there are loads of things to grab hold of and a good 360 view of the proceedings*

You're an ant! You're feisty! You're Amy! Hold on!!

* waits for the recoil to slightly separate them from Titania and Ripley, then hits the accelerator*
Whaoh, this thing really responds!

*They narrowly miss a very large egg*

Is that a car or a reflection?

*rams into the back of the large passenger car, reverses, rams them again*

Yeee-Ha!

*grabs the wheel and rams Lil back*



*the car then careers off towards Robyn and Cinders*

Yeeee Haaaaa!

* Narrowly escapes being cracked wide open by a bumper car, and runs around in circles in an absolutely blind panic. *


AIEEEIEIEIEAIEEIEAIEAIEA!

* Suddenly remembers that he is tethered to one of the cars, and with a sigh of relief pulls on the whip to guide him to safety, only to find a loose end comes to him instead. *


AIEIEIAAIEIEEEEIAIAEEIAIEEEE!

*she's terribly uncomfortable about ditching Humpty, but realises he's better off not being dragged along behind her. He should - really, he SHOULD - be better off, this being a mostly friendly game and her own car being a more likely target than himself. Humpty should be OK as no one INTENTIONALLY wants to make big omlettes.*

Mr. Humpty?! Try to get to Duckie's car! He has more room and he'll need help driving!

*Thistle starts making a wide circle of the ride, drawing fire away from Humpty and, incidentally, picking up a lot of speed. Now she needs a target, and she faces the delemma of not actually wanting to smash any of her party memebers, most of whom she owes favors. Oh, well, this is a friendly game...*


Mama says "Always be nice to herbevors, they can't help it, it's just their way." But since this is just a game...Oh, Buttercup!

*as she was practically flying at the time, Thistle rear ends the Pantomime Cow HARD!!!*

[Back]: Bullocks!
[Front]: What was that?
[Back]: We've been hit in the rump.
[Front]: *grabs the controls* Don't get in a stew! It's time to give someone a good roasting. I'll steer, you can operate the horn.

*suddenly realising she is actually enjoying this bit of the ride...*

Oh this is such fun, make for the next!

Robyn, can I have a go at steering?

(B4 sits up, shakes his head to clear the muzziness away, then realizes the problem is not all inside his head. The room of mirrors is multiplying all the actual images a thousand-fold, causing him a bit of vertigo as he looks about into what seem to be living tunnels seething with well-choreographed mayhem. A thought strikes him that he’d better get off the floor before a cable car strikes him.)

Lessee… Button, button; which li’l button…? Mush be thish one marked LEV…

(He stabs at it, misses, tries again and connects. Bodily, he rises from the floor, gaining altitude until he’s a dozen feet above the playing field, with several feet to spare between himself and the caroming conveyances.)

Hmm… Wish way to da exit… (He looks up.) Ugh! Not the way we came in! That’d be askin’ for more trouble than it’s worth.

(Turning to face the closest set of windows in the strange tableau of multiple moving images, he drifts slowly toward them. He chuckles to himself as he watches the Cast and the Audience have an impact on each other.)

*regains her mental faculties*

Go get the , Lil!

*Front spots the and accelerates towards him*

*Lil accelerates toward Thistle and Purr, sideswiping Robyn/Cinders/the Mice in the process and causing their car to spin*

*This knocks her slightly off course and she hits the wall bumper sideways and skews so that they are facing a bank of distorting mirrors*

Amy, look how tall you are -- you look like a daddy long legs! *bursts out laughing as she turns the car 180° * Let's see what the others think if they drive toward us...

I must get a mirror like that for my bedroom.