h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

T'was not a joke...

This post is for testing purpose only...

loup

What's pink and hard?


























A pig with a flick-knife

what do you get if you cross a river with a bike?!...































wet feet...

What's brown and sticky?

























A stick

a man walks into a bar




























and says ouch

A doctor took a call from a patient ring to say she had a fly in her ear. "What can I do?" she sobbed.

Calming her, the doctor suggested she warm some olive oil and then pour it in her ear while lying on her side.

"Hopefully," he added, "when you lift your head the fly will emerge with the liquid."

The lady listened carefully to the instructions before saying she had one last question.

"Go ahead," he replied.

"In to which ear should I put the oil?"

Q How many stormtroopers does it take to change a light bulb?

A Two, one to change the light bulb and the other one to shoot him and take the credit for it.


JA

There was a man with three heads, no arms and long leg standing at bus queue. A bus came by and the bus conductor said eye, eye, eye, you look armless, hop on.



jfa

Why could not the monkies find any asprin in the jungle?

It's because the parrots eat them all, (paracetamol).


jfa

Why could not the monkies find any asprin in the jungle?

It's because the parrots eat them all, (paracetamol).


jfa

the last one was _even_ better the second time...

Two lions are walking down the high street.
One lion turns to the other and says..
"I thought you said it would be busier on a Saturday afternoon"

Two wee vomits walking down the road.
One wee vomit stops suddenly and stares in the window of a house.
Puzzled the other wee vomit asks "Whats wrong?"
The wee vomit replies..
"I was brought up in there"

ANYWAY!

DUSTMAN NOTICES NO28s BINS MISSIN! SO BEIN CUSTOMER SERVICE MINDED AS ALL OUR BINMEN AM! HE KNOCKS THE DOOR!
BUT NO REPLY!
SO HE GUZ ROUND THE BACK!
BUT STILL NO REPLY!
SO HE KNOCKS THE FRONT DOOR AGGEN LIKE!
A LITTLE JAP BLOKE ANSWERS!
"HARRO"
BIN MAN! "U AINT PUTYA BIN OUT M8!"
SMILIN JAP! "HEEEEEEE!"
BIN MAN! "IVE CUM 2 EMPTY YER BIN M8!"
JAP! "EH?"
BIN MAN! "WHERES YER BIN?"
JAP! "I BIN UPSTAIRS ON TOILIT INNIT!"
BIN MAN! "NAH M8! WHERES YER DUSTBIN?"
JAP! "ERRR I DUSTBIN UPSTAIRS ON THE PIGGIN TOILIT INNIT!"
BIN MAN "NAH! LOOK M8 I AINT GORRALL KIN DAY! WHERES YER WHEELYBIN?"
JAP! "OH! ARSO! OK OK! I WHEELYBIN UPSTAIRS PLAYIN WIMME TODGER!!!"

How does Luke Skywalker sleep?
He has a Jedi Knight.

kat

Knock, Knock

Who's there

Doctor

Who

Doctor Who

Kat

The pike is mightier than the sword.

kat

A man wearing a balaclava bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun.
"Open the bloody safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank." replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money!"
"Don't argue, just open the safe or I'll blow you away!" he yells.
She obliges and opens the safe door.
"Take one of those bottles out and drink it!" he yells.
"But it's full of sperm." The girl replies nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink it!" he yells.
She takes off the cap and gulps it down.
"Take out another one and drink that too!" he demands.
Reluctantly the girl drinks another one. Suddenly the guy pulls off his balaclava and to the girl's amazement it's her husband. He glares at her and says...











"Not that bloody difficult is it?!"

lost on some back roads, a tourist collided with a local man at an intersection. he and the local got out to examine the damage.
"Well, it doesn't look like much," said the local "why don't we just take a little pull to steady our nerves,"
He grabbed a bottle from his battered pickup, removed the stopper and handed it to the tourist.
After taking a good slug, the tourist handed the bottle back to the local, who banged the stopper back n and put the bottle back in his truck.
"aren't you going to have some?" asked the tourist.
The local shook his head. "Not till after the poloce get here."

whats the difference between a scotsman and a rolling stone?







a rollinfg stone says "hey you get offa my cloud
and a sctsman says"hey mcCloud get offa my ewe"