The h2g2 Post 18.12.17

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A crest bearing the legend The H2G2 PostA crest bearing the legend The H2G2 Post

Posted: 18th December 2017

Deck the h2g2

Molly the Editorial Assistant Kitty Molly the Editorial Assistant Kitty is ready for Christmas. She's sitting on the organ, hoping the Editor will leave it alone. For a couple of weeks now, the Post Office kittehs have been giving me the stink eye, due to overindulgence in organ practice. Lola the Doglet wants to go for a walk the minute she hears that Leslie speaker start up. We think it's the Bagpipe Effect. One reason for the practice is the upcoming Christmas carol party at our house. There will be cider, snacks, and lots of music. Organ and piano duets are planned, and the youngest Hoggett has promised to bring his tuba. . . Don't you make lots of music during the holidays? Or at least sing the traditional 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer'?
Heavy Leslie album cover
Anyhow, the resident animals can rest easy, because the Heavy Leslie recording sessions are now complete. So, to the delight of the Daydream Journal folks, and the disgust (probably) of all h2g2 music lovers elsewhere, here is the Post Christmas card for 2017, with link to the Heavy Leslie Christmas Album. Click at your peril: cheesy organ music is an acquired taste.

What is this 'Heavy Leslie' business? Well, you'll remember that a few weeks ago, Freewayriding blessed us with a hilarious short story called 'Bexhill Bluegrass', in which the Editor's alter ego in a parallel (or maybe wavy) universe somehow became the hottest thing since Black Sabbath thanks to the mysterious Man from Delaware. Go on, make mock, said I. Okay, I will, said he, and promptly wrote another short story. Which you can read in this issue. No universes were damaged in the making of these flights of fancy – which will be continued in an outburst of creative exuberance next week, when the whole fiction-writing collective takes on the topic of werewolves in a grab bag of tales. Another holiday tradition honoured: scary stories for Brits. This should be fun.

What else do we have for you this week? Let us enumerate the delights contained herein.

  • Willem's got the cutest little duck you've ever seen. He's also got a Caption Challenge for you: can you suss out what the nyala's thinking? You and Dr Doolittle.
  • Besides the fiction, we have Views from Here, wherever Here happened to be, in photo, essay, and anecdote form. Read, widen your horizons, and send us your personal Views.
  • Awix will tell you why it's fun to sit in a cinema and watch immortal samurai hack at one another. We're sure Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged would find it interesting.
  • There are quizzes. Bluebottle's back with more Isle of Wight talk, which we managed to bring you by defeating the filther. You wouldn't believe what it wouldn't let Bluebottle say. Peter Zenger1, thou should'st be living at this hour. Good thing the filther can't see pictures: we'd have had trouble with last week's Picture Quiz, snigger, snigger.
  • We help you write. Bluebottle helps you navigate h2g2 (he's handy like that). We try, however futilely, to make you laugh.
A Christmas tradition at FWR's house involves putting odd things in the creche.
FWR assures me this photo represents a holiday tradition at his house. He adds, 'We did have a rather cool golden duck in sunglasses but I think the dog ate him.' Chacun à son goût, as Superfrenchie says. I know a fella who grew up in Nebraska who claimed it wasn't a real crêche without dinosaurs. He grew up in a small town with rather unusual public art, and Christmas just wasn't the same without a T Rex looming over the manger.

Whatever you do this month, whether it's traditional or something you just thought up right this minute, please enjoy it from your hearts. Share in the gaiety, as and when you can, and no matter how grumpy the cold and snow and computer glitches make you, take a mental step back and think, It could be worse. There could be a centipede in my manger scene.

Have a great week, and stay warm!

Snow. Cars.Breaking Newsflash from the Isle of Wight! And now, for a word on the UK's favourite subject, weather, here's Bluebottle:
Driving Snow:They've been reporting that snow has been affecting the UK 'countrywide', with 'countrywide' meaning as it usually does 'London and the North' (unlike ‘National’, which just means ‘London’). Obviously it didn't snow on the Isle of Wight or where I work in Southampton so I had been saying that we didn't have any snow at all. However I must admit I now have to eat my words and take that back, as technically we did have some snow.
Snow. Cars.
Obviously it hadn't fallen anywhere nearby, but the snow had settled on a freight train from up north somewhere that passed through Southampton taking cars on their journey to the docks for export overseas. But it still counts – it is real, genuine snow. So please see an exclusive photo of all the snow to have affected Southampton in the last week.

It's the most snow I've seen in years.

Thank you so much. Go ahead, rub it in. The photo on the right shows the view out the Post Office window yesterday. It hasn't stopped snowing since then.

Dmitri Gheorgheni





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1Peter Zenger was a German-American newspaper editor. His 1734 victory over censorship in New York City is considered a freedom-of-speech milestone. Zenger never met the filther, but we bet he would have sworn at it in good German.

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